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Thread: Looking for relationship advice

  1. #1

    Default Looking for relationship advice

    Alright. Here's a bit of background info before I go in depth about my questions. I've been going out with the same girl for the last five years. For the most part, we've been really happy together and we are more than lovers, but soul mates. I have been struggling with bouts of incontinence since I was younger and my girlfriend is aware and supportive of all that. Earlier this summer, I moved out for a couple months for work and while she visited, I starting slowly coming out about my AB side. One of the things I did was buying a blankie, a teddy bear and some coloring books. I sort of told her that I had a more "little" side of me that I wanted to explore and barely talked about it after.

    We had a conversation on Skype where I thought that I came clean about all of this but I guess that I wasn't precise enough. I'm now back home and spent some afternoons watching cartoons and sleeping with my teddy bear at night. I guess that I'm ready to open this side of me with her now. I could tell that it was upsetting her and later yesterday, I tried my best to talk about all of this.

    So I came out, but this time in person. I was still all nervous about it, but this time I had a real reaction. She was really shocked about it, which makes sense. I then asked her that I was here to answer her questions. After thinking for about 10 seconds, she said "well, what's the kind of stuff that you need to do?" to which I answered that it wasn't a "one size fits all type of thing" but that there were many aspects of it that applied to me (Wearing diapers, watching cartoons, drawing, etc.). She was trying her best to understand and process all of that but later on cried. To her, this strains our relationship and when she comes home from work, she needs her "man", to which I answered that I totally understood all of this.

    So, I promised her that I would be available for her only tonight, but that I would need some AB time this weekend. She didn't really answer anything else after that, we talked about other things and we were fine this morning. I thanked her for listening to me and for being around. I also made sure that she knew that I'd be there for her tonight.

    My question is where do we go from now? This was overwhelming to her and it's only the tip of the iceberg. I just personally came to terms with being an ABDL and I can't "quit" my feelings now. Are there any readings that you'd recommend for the partner of an ABDL? I'd love to hear some of your suggestions.

    Thanks.

  2. #2

    Default

    Hey,

    I'm sorry that I don't have anything that I can suggest she reads but I do suggest you take everything at her pace and in the beginning only talk about it occasionally and when it is appropriate. If you give her space to think about it then she might come around, but if you force it down her throat or go on about it too much for her liking then she might hate it just on principle because it bugs her to hear about it.

    Maybe write her a letter explaining your needs and why you seek comfort from it, and then ask her to call you after she has read the letter and is ready to talk about it. Then she has time to thing properly without you watching. It's also easier to be honest over the phone then face to face so you are more likely to have an honest reaction from her that you two can work on.

    I hope this helps and good luck!

  3. #3

    Default

    The unfortunate facts are is that a woman's biology is not designed to accept her partner as an adult baby. She is wired to need a man to physically and emotionally support her. Does that mean that she will not accept you? Of course not. My wife had to deal with the same issues when I decided to make wearing diapers, panties, and maxi-pads a lifestyle. It is easy for a female partner to feel alone and that she is being replaced by a diaper or coloring books. She often feels is the love I provide for him not enough. Chances are like most of us it is impossible for you to change. That means she will have to make a sacrifice to accept you for who you are. She will have to ignore all that she has been taught and her own biology to accept your desires. What helped me the most is I gave my wife as much love as possible and I was completely honest with her. My sissy baby ways can still bother her from time to time but to be honest I am the happiest I have ever been and our relationship is the best it has been in a very long time. I hope this helps. Please update us on the progress.

  4. #4

    Default

    This is going to be difficult or both of you. I've been through a similar process just recently, and things are going amazingly well. we have spent a lot of time talking about this though. there's so much she is going to have to get used to or understand, remember this is new for her. She does need and deserve her MAN. I have found this difficult since coming out because Im feeling little heaps more...but I am making an effort to be there for my partner as an adult....sometimes I feel like I'm pretending, but hey if it helps her I'm up for it. it's such a massive sacrifice that our partners are making, accepting us for who we are, especially when this is not what they expected. I try to le my partner know that even though she wasn't aware before, that part of me that she loves has always been
    baby. Hang in there, remember relationships are all about giving....if you love each other you'll work it out. Good luck!

  5. #5

    Default

    Thanks for the answers everyone. I really appreciate it and these are all were useful advices.

  6. #6

    Default Re: Looking for relationship advice



    Quote Originally Posted by oceansmackdl View Post
    Thanks for the answers everyone. I really appreciate it and these are all were useful advices.
    Like everyones says, don't be in baby mode 100% of the time. There is a book for her: There's a Baby In My Bed by Rosalie Bent. If you need something less hard core, like I do, there is a simple roleplay handbook: The Age Play and Diaper Fetish Handbook by Miss Penny Barber.

  7. #7

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by HokieABDL View Post
    Like everyones says, don't be in baby mode 100% of the time. There is a book for her: There's a Baby In My Bed by Rosalie Bent. If you need something less hard core, like I do, there is a simple roleplay handbook: The Age Play and Diaper Fetish Handbook by Miss Penny Barber.
    I did buy There's A Baby In My Bed yesterday, went through it quickly and decided not to share it with her now because it might just make things even more complicated and weird for the moment.

    For now, I'll be taking all of your very wise advice. Thank you so much and yes I will keep you guys posted.
    Last edited by Trevor; 25-Aug-2012 at 00:38. Reason: removing auto-merged duplicate post.

  8. #8

    Default

    It might help her to talk to someone in a similar situation, along with reading different articles on the subject. You should recommend ADISC.

    I've struggled with my boyfriend being a DL. It's not always easy, but when two people love each other, they do their best to make it work.

  9. #9

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by oceansmackdl View Post
    I've been going out with the same girl for the last five years. For the most part, we've been really happy together and we are more than lovers, but soul mates. I have been struggling with bouts of incontinence since I was younger and my girlfriend is aware and supportive of all that.
    I would like to know what bothers your girlfriend the most, being an ABDL or wearing diapers.

    If you still struggle with incontinence, then you have a need for diapers and i cannot see this being a problem.

    If the adult baby thing upsets her, come to a healthy compromise perhaps indulging only in baby activities when she isn't around, and if she really hates it and is a

    deal breaker, then cool off with the whole thing for a while, and indulge less.

    This is merely a last resort, but perhaps a necessary step if she never accepts this about you.

    So for now, the diapers can stay and you remain her man.

    As a DL, i still think of myself as a man, perhaps its because im a DL only.

    I wish you the best of luck and the both of you should have a nice romantic dinner and discuss this some more, time will normalize the situation some more, and bring some more understanding from her side.

    Get her to read this too....

    http://www.adisc.org/forum/content/1...fantilism.html
    Last edited by Luckyfish; 25-Aug-2012 at 15:15. Reason: double post again.

  10. #10

    Default

    Ok so coming at this from a girls stand point so bare with me. I would say that now that you have told her about your "Little" side that you need to give her so time. Back off with her a bit and let her deal with it in her head. Do not force a book on her right now just let her deal with it for a while. And I would say that for now, when you have baby time that you need to do it alone. Or do not make her be involved in it, but allow her to see you little side, without having to jump right in.

    If she is ok with everything, then slowly begin to add things in. I am not sure what your normal routine is but maybe just start by letting her catch a quick glimpse of what it is like. Such as maybe sleep with you blankie one night or teddy bear. For me I use a pacifier at night and three blankies and a plushie. When my family first saw me use my binky they were really freaked out. So start small and as she get used to it take it a step farther.

    As an AB myself I strive to never be a burden on whom ever I am around. That has not always been the case. YOu just have to give her time to adjust. Watch for her reactions to things. Always make sure that you do not overwhelm her with it.

    I understand that you have needs as well. But there are many of us who indulge our AB side in the privacy of our own bedrooms or during alone time. This is not a normal thing in the minds of most people out there in the world so we need to be sensitive to how others around us will react.

    So I say Just be observant and sensitive to her and be patient. Step into her shoes and think what it would be like if your roles were reversed.




    Quote Originally Posted by oceansmackdl View Post
    Alright. Here's a bit of background info before I go in depth about my questions. I've been going out with the same girl for the last five years. For the most part, we've been really happy together and we are more than lovers, but soul mates. I have been struggling with bouts of incontinence since I was younger and my girlfriend is aware and supportive of all that. Earlier this summer, I moved out for a couple months for work and while she visited, I starting slowly coming out about my AB side. One of the things I did was buying a blankie, a teddy bear and some coloring books. I sort of told her that I had a more "little" side of me that I wanted to explore and barely talked about it after.

    We had a conversation on Skype where I thought that I came clean about all of this but I guess that I wasn't precise enough. I'm now back home and spent some afternoons watching cartoons and sleeping with my teddy bear at night. I guess that I'm ready to open this side of me with her now. I could tell that it was upsetting her and later yesterday, I tried my best to talk about all of this.

    So I came out, but this time in person. I was still all nervous about it, but this time I had a real reaction. She was really shocked about it, which makes sense. I then asked her that I was here to answer her questions. After thinking for about 10 seconds, she said "well, what's the kind of stuff that you need to do?" to which I answered that it wasn't a "one size fits all type of thing" but that there were many aspects of it that applied to me (Wearing diapers, watching cartoons, drawing, etc.). She was trying her best to understand and process all of that but later on cried. To her, this strains our relationship and when she comes home from work, she needs her "man", to which I answered that I totally understood all of this.

    So, I promised her that I would be available for her only tonight, but that I would need some AB time this weekend. She didn't really answer anything else after that, we talked about other things and we were fine this morning. I thanked her for listening to me and for being around. I also made sure that she knew that I'd be there for her tonight.

    My question is where do we go from now? This was overwhelming to her and it's only the tip of the iceberg. I just personally came to terms with being an ABDL and I can't "quit" my feelings now. Are there any readings that you'd recommend for the partner of an ABDL? I'd love to hear some of your suggestions.

    Thanks.
    Last edited by Trevor; 26-Aug-2012 at 08:09. Reason: removing auto-merged duplicate post.

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