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Thread: Bad move or for better

  1. #1

    Default Bad move or for better

    Well how do i start off im new to this site but been a member since april. I dont post much case im shy. But i have a problem and im sure alot of you been through this or it is a topic, so hear i got. Today i took a big step in telling me girl friend that im a DL, we been togeather for 3 years and today i built up the guts to tell her and she did not take it well at all i think i toold her how i was in to diapers since i was 13 years old i told her it was a fetish of mine, i been hiding it from her i told her details she took it as a joke but got mad in a way saying thats very weird and NO i will never wear a diaper for you period. I thinked deep there sitting watching tv i said to my self why ask but i did i could not hid it from her i had to be honest, but on the other had i was thinking why ask she was never in to kinky stuff like that, so told her and now i dont know whats gonna happen i told her my deepest secrit of all and now im afriad she will tell i feel like i lost trust in her like i been walked all over i dont know what to do. But keep in mind she was drinking abit when i told her, i dont wanna go on with the story but i will i just dont want it to be long and you guys and gals wont read it plz post if you want to and i will go on i just need sum one to talk to about this.

  2. #2

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    The fact that she was drinking a bit at the time may be helpful as an excuse if worst come to worst. As is I would simply recommend being extra aware of what is going on around you. I am certainly not saying she would tell, but be ready for it if that happens. Also the fact that she was drinking might have exaggerated her reaction or altered her understanding of it, so if she comes to you in the future about the situation, respond in a way you find suitable based on how she is coming across. No one here knows your friend better than you, so only you can judge how to respond to any future confrontations about your dl ism.

    While I know that what is done is done, I feel it is important to add in that telling a friend, or anybody outside of yourself, about a fetish you have is never a good idea. If there is an aspect of this that is non-sexual to you and you need to tell someone about your dl-ism, tell them about that part. People are generally a lot more accepting if a) you fill them in on the situation slowly over time &/or b) what you are telling them about isn't sexual. The latter is simply true because, unless absolutely necessary and/or appropriate due to the situation, people tend to get creeped out talking about someone's kinks or fetishes. Keep in mind, I am simply adding this advice in because I don't want you to get into a similar situation in the future.

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by KidAgain13 View Post
    While I know that what is done is done, I feel it is important to add in that telling a friend, or anybody outside of yourself, about a fetish you have is never a good idea.
    I'm sorry, but this is terrible advice. Significant others (that includes someone you've been with for 3 years!) deserve to know about your fetishes. Why be with someone if you can't trust them enough to tell them your sexual interests?

    mastic, I'm sorry your girlfriend was freaked out by it. I think that maybe I would be more bothered by the fact that I'd been dating you for 3 years and had no idea if I were in her shoes. Surprises can be surprising. Maybe she will calm down and decide it's not that big of a deal. Maybe not. Hang in there!

  4. #4

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    Sorry I misread his post in one area. I thought he said she was his friend, not his girlfriend. That changes my last bit of advice, sorry.

  5. #5

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    Yup, hopefully your problem here is the fact that she never knew about this for 3 years. There is the possibility that she might just think its gross, in which case I am sorry that you will not be able to easily partake of your fetish. I feel like though that it is a kind act for a partner to consider their partners sexual desires at least to some amount, not that she should be required to, but it would be considerate. I would consider my own partners kinks, and at least give her a little bit of satisfaction to check if it weirded me out too much or not. Anyhow, I guess that idea comes from someone who has a kink themselves.
    Best thing probably to do though is to take it slow, don't try and get her into a diaper right at the start, maybe just see if she doesn't mind if you wear one because it makes you feel happy.

  6. #6

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    I thank you all for your advice, but im gonna take it slow since last night she has not brought anything up regarding what i told her after all she was pritty drunk she slept like a log and i stayed up all night thinking. But as for the advice im just going to take it slow and see what happens in the comming days maybe she will change i dont know stranger things had happen, as for me i have not been really strong on the DL for the past 2 years it comes and goes i my self have not wore a diaper for like 4 months ruffly, but the thought is still there i think ill always have the fettish ive had it since i was 13 years old and it will always be a part of me deep down on side. Once again thank you all for the advice glad there is a group like this i thought i was alone i search the interenet for year and i think o found my spot. Have a good day everyone.

  7. #7
    BigC300

    Default Bad move or for better

    I feel your pain! Been there...done that! The depths and breadth of human sexuality has barely begun to be understood since the invention of the Internet. Most anybody I know who has become aware of someone's unusual fascination with diapers just thinks it's strange weird behavior. These people probably have other types of sexual fantasies that would seem weird to anybody else. The point I am trying to make is that generally speaking, you will be much better off keeping your fascination with diapers to yourself and not sharing it with your lover. By opening up to your lover with this information you risk them going out and trying to embarrass you publicly or taking you to divorce court and trying to get full custody of your kids by convincing the judge that you are public enemy number one. When your wife works with a bastard lawyer to smear you in a divorce action, I don't think they realize how close they push you to commiting a capital crime. I guess that's why divorce lawyers always peep around corners while walking down the street.

  8. #8

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    First off, let me say I am sorry you are so worried and stressed out. Just take a deep breath and try to relax. I think you did the right thing, even though sometimes that is more difficult, by telling her the truth. If you have been together for 3 years, you have built up trust and a close bond.

    Finding out about being a DL can be a big shock. I think you should just give her some time to adjust to it. Especially if she was drunk at the time, being drunk lessens a person's inhibitions and she may have said things she wouldn't normally. And even though she said she would never wear a diaper for you, ever, she may just need time to adjust to it. Although, if she really is adamant about not wearing one, then I would hope you love her enough to respect her wishes. I am sure you two can come up with a compromise that will work out for both of you.

    Best Wishes!

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by BigC300 View Post
    I feel your pain! Been there...done that! The depths and breadth of human sexuality has barely begun to be understood since the invention of the Internet. Most anybody I know who has become aware of someone's unusual fascination with diapers just thinks it's strange weird behavior. These people probably have other types of sexual fantasies that would seem weird to anybody else. The point I am trying to make is that generally speaking, you will be much better off keeping your fascination with diapers to yourself and not sharing it with your lover. By opening up to your lover with this information you risk them going out and trying to embarrass you publicly or taking you to divorce court and trying to get full custody of your kids by convincing the judge that you are public enemy number one. When your wife works with a bastard lawyer to smear you in a divorce action, I don't think they realize how close they push you to commiting a capital crime. I guess that's why divorce lawyers always peep around corners while walking down the street.
    I'm not sure that i agree with the statement "better off keeping your fascination with diapers to yourself and not sharing it with your lover." You certainly have more experience on the subject than i have so i'm not saying your wrong, but I just want to state my opinion on idealistically what love should involve.
    If you are with a lover in the sense that you like to have sex with each other, then yes, you are probably right, its best to keep it to yourself, since your relationship is based on sexual impulse, and you will doubtlessly change the manner that your sexual impulse is expressed, thus changing your relationship and making it unstable. Plus you can usually satisfy sexual desire well enough with the conventional method, if you want to change that method then the other partner is probably going to fear that it will change permanently
    If you are with a lover in the sense that you love each other for who you each are, in personality, in morals, in desires and goals, and in complexion. Then I think they deserve to know about it because they love your personality, and though the person they know is still there, there is more too you then you are letting them see, and you can't hide who you are forever. And if they love you for your character, rather than how you proform sexually, then I think their ability to accept who you are will increase. You still risk making them become unstable because you are opening up a new facet to there understanding of 'you', but if you help them understand that the 'you' they know is and will always still remain, then i think they will be able to handle it.

    For me its still all theory though, so I cant say that is how it is, but that is what i hope for.

  10. #10

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    Kudos for finally telling your girlfriend about your fetish. I'm sure it was scary and nerve wracking, but at least you took that step and finally shared it with her.
    I agree with some of the others, in respect that some of her anger may have been due to her drinking and that you guys have been together for 3 years. That's a long time to keep something from someone you love. It must have been a big surprise for her.
    My boyfriend is a DL (I'm not) so I definitely understand both sides of the situation.
    I would absolutely take it slow. She had a lot to swallow and needs some time to let it all process. I wouldn't close up about it, though. After you both have had some time to cool down, you should have a calm, rational, sober, and honest conversation about everything.
    Answer all her questions, offer any information you can/think she'll want to know and give her some resources to learn more about AB/DLs on her own.
    Make sure she knows it's a lifelong thing and it will always be a part of your life and just remember to be patient with her reactions and emotions about it.
    Hopefully, with time she'll come around and be more accepting. You should be able to share this side of yourself with her, at least on a communication level.
    I really hope everything works out for you. Good luck.

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