I have been doing some soul searching as of late and Iíve done nothing but end up at dead end after dead end. Iím trying to figure out at where in my life, I felt I wanted to be a baby again. More so, out of any and everything in the world a person can get into, WHY a baby? I could have been a furry, at least they are more accepted and understood, or I could be part of the BDSM/S&M community, heck, who doesnít have a bit of a kinky side? But NO, Iíd rather be crapping and wetting diapers, drinking from a bottle, sucking on a pacifier and feeling helplessly snuggled in a parentís arm. Not only am I emotionally, but Iím also sexually tied into this, which means, even after Iíve ďdone the deedĒ, it doesnít matter, itís back again. Iíve never tried to purge because I know for a fact, Iíd just have it all again so whatís the sense in throwing away all that money? I have gone lot periods of time, not giving into it at all, but itís always there, nagging at the back of my head. I canít even explain this to anyone because I run the risk of sounding crazy or being misunderstood to be something of a pedophile. For the most part, I keep it to myself, but if youíve ever felt like Iíve felt before, I just find myself escalating and wanting more every time. Then in the end, when reality finally smacks me in the face for the umpteen time, I become depressed and the process starts all over again. I find this ďlifestyleĒ or ďfetishĒ or ďfantasyĒ, Iím not even sure what to call it anymore, extremely frustrating at times and I consider myself to be one of the lucky ones to actual have had real time experiences in the past. I couldnít begin to imagine what life as a ďhardcoreĒ (if thereís such a thing) adult baby would be like if I couldnít find at least one person during my existence to simply hold me. Just what is so bad about a grown up wanting to be a baby again anyway? Iím sorry to rant, but itís really getting to me lately and I have no one else to talk to besides you guys.