Confiding in close friends
I have a really lovely friend that I have a very strong empathic connection with that I have a close emotional relationship with and a working creative relationship with this is not sexual just very good friends and this is perfect, she is a wonderful being and shining star.
Now I have noticed a certain natural synergistic dynamics that is accering as I have been coming to peace with my infantisum facet over the past few months. That when im up set and frustrated with something she has a way that defuses my tension that has been sometimes transformed into tears this is something I find so difficult. she takes on a mother like role and holds me, talks to me and strokes me like a little child she has a very beautiful and powerful and positive effect on me changing a destructive emotion and catalysing a positive channelling of these emotions.
Now she is almost 11 years younger than me as she is 21 and I am 32 and find my self giving much emotional and practical support to and finding a balance between being firm but fair and understanding as she has little life experience in the working environment an we are in business together with an artistic progect so I am playing the role as father/ mother protecting and gideing which she loves very much. We both have had a very dysfunctional family passed and this dynamics is both mysterious and wonderful as it has just accrued to me.
Now I have been wondered whether I should confide in her this infantisum facet as I think she more than suspects as I mentioned that we are strongly empaticaly connected some times uncomfortably so.
And I think she court a glim's of my nappy's the other day. we were living in a very small van for three weeks together very difficult to to hide, me wearing nappy's. Though I tried to protect my secret although ive wanted to tell her because I love and trust her and sometimes the voice of the collective social ignorants is ringing in my head making me feel so dirty and unclean and even evil for what do. I although I no this is not the truth some times I feel so alone and want some one to tell me its OK.
Although I am tonight communicating more freely than the first time I told some one on this subject to any one that is interested and I apologise for my lengthy ramblings and this is so liberating talking to a groop with common parallels. would this truth be something that will strengthen are relationship and aid my process of accepting my self to talk to a friend I love but at the present keep secrets from her that makes an suttle but uncomftabal air sometimes becouse she know i keeping secrets or is there the a danger of freaking her out and loosing a lot.
I have once before opened up a little with a girl in a sexual situation well I very shyly showed her a nappy and asked her permission I was answered with a little shock but she very sweetly accomadated me and found it quit endearing and said i was very sweet. But some how this is new and more uncertain as I have to use my voise initially.
Has any one got any experience or advice.
Roo love xx