I guess I'm ready to speak of myself
Good day everybody on ADISC!
I'm really happy to find so many thinking people gathering together to fight fears and misunderstanding.. no I'd better go and check out the cheat-sheet
The official society knows me as a student of some academy of arts and a freelancer in multimedia like video-recording, VFX, webdesign, CG and stuff.. I'm not quite a professional, just an amateur, but I love it.
Also I'm a music composer like many nowadays.I used to play piano, acoustic guitar and flute. Currently I try to sing more and record my compositions in sequencers like Reason and FL Studio. And MUSIC itself is what I imagine to be the most important part of me!
If there are any composers out there - feel free to talk to me as I love sharing thoughts about music even if it is not mastered properly.
How much I love music:
And finally what I found out a while ago - I am a Diaper Lover with a little tune of Little girl theme (Sometimes I love putting on my wifes' clothes and imagine I am also a female).
A little more of my bedwetting biography:
By 5-th class, when I was about 14 I first time saw a wonderful girl who finally turned into my spouse. But then we just knew each other as classmates. That is the time when I had a chance to realize how much I am really into diaper thing, but I didn't know WHAT ABDL is!
So I wandered on the Internet, watching different porn, suspecting myself to be a gay or maybe even a pedophile, but then BINGO: I suddenly realized that I was neither of them , because I found some Adults ENJOYING wearing diapers.. and then I firstly learned what a fetish is.
(Don't get me wrong! I do accept and cheer homosexuals, and all fetishists, I don't tolerate these to things: pedophilia and homophobia)
By 15 my physical bedwetting and some other illnesses were cured with homeopathy, but not my addiction. My future beloved started attracting me more and more, she even dated me, but I wasn't shire that I am able to have a normal family while staying with this fetish. And after a year or two of being together I told her all I knew about my inner fears and desires... guess what?
She accepted me! She didn't fear that, despite she've never heard of anything like that.We are still together. And are going to marry soon (I just need to somehow get a job that won't take too much time in order to stay in university).
I started earning a little money of my own (thow I live with parents, but it won't last long) and I eventually bought myself diapers. I've tried a lot, had a lot of fun learning to put myself in it, taking bath in a regular diaper when nobody is home, putting a full sized adult diaper over a drynite pullup..
If you have some more interesting games that you are playing in your diapers share it here I want to know what you think and what turns you on the most!
But all this time I've been searching in my mind, psychologic books and even on the internet for THE CURE for that fetishism.
At a certain point I've found the great BitterGrey, read all what he's wrote and found many answers, but that wasn't enough. I was in these bind and purge cycles he wrote about. I found some more good guys who've been writhing about similar problems of self acceptance and acceptance of God...
..but that would be very close to the end of my suffering if not one little thing.When I FEEL a relies of any pain or when I put an end to some need whether it is a need to SLEEP or EAT or listen to music or have sex or the fulfillment of any other wish - I FEEL CONSCIOUSNESS, but when I decide to put on another diaper the last thing I REMEMBER is LOOSING CONSCIOUSNESS and giving up any arguments inside.
What I fear is if it is some sort of a mental monster takes control over my mind and when the pain of bang "plugged" into this matrix is forgotten - there is NOTHING but happiness.. but this so called happiness leaves a synthetic taste in mouth when you wake up from this dream.
I want to live happy life of a responsible adult, but I am afraid of bang either a slave of imposed desires OR missing an opportunity to give myself what I really want if it IS what I REALLY WANT.
I have already done some psychological research and will do some more psychological practices about my DL THIS WEEK.
More about my psychoweek:
ADISC! I need your help! Please! Help me accept myself as one I am or help me find doubtless proof that it IS some sort of soul-trap of the dark side! I won't calm down until I find out one or another. I'll be glad to be among you all, because I've seen really cool people here. And if I'll find that I'm ok - I'll just be happy to dissolve in happiness of that community, being a part of it, and if I find the cure to AB/DL - I'll tell you too, in case if somebody wants to get rid of it too.
I LOVE YOU ALL!
P.S: if you doubt any part of my story, feel the rise of BS meter or just want to listen to some part of story more detailed - say that and I'll try to tell more avoiding personal data, because I don't wanna be found out by many people I know.
P.P.S: Sorry for my poor level of English, I hope I didn't make any mistakes that make the idea hard to catch, but if I did - let me know please and I'll do my best editing!