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Thread: Been feeling down

  1. #1

    Unhappy Been feeling down


    Well I'll start from the begining. I've had a girlfriend for the last 2 years up to the begining of June. We split up because of too many problems stopping us seeing each other. I would often ask if she wanted to meet up with me, and over the course of the 2 years it went from seeing me every weekend to every 2 months, even though she'd tell me she's bored. On top of that we had to keep our relationship secret because her parents disagreed. Every day since then I've thought of her, but she has found another guy and wants to be only friends with me. I told her that if I couldn't be with her I couldn't be friends cause it would kill me inside.

    A week after we split I started my new Job full-time. While at work I hardly think of her unless her parents come in. It's a small shop so I would see them, and we'd say hi like we were friends. Outside or work, I seem to almost constantly be thinking of her or of having a girlfriend. I only have a couple of friends so don't get out much at all, if ever. I talk to my closest friend a fair amount, and write software for his business. He also recently broke up from his girlfriend, but he's good looking unlike me and he is already talking with a girl he really like and who really likes him back. That doesn't help me feel any better really. I'm mostly interested in Aviation and Technology (my baby baby side only comes out maybe twice a month and that's if I get time home alone as I live with my mum and younger sister).

    My little sister is a right nightmare to live with, and we are always arguing. She's 15 and smokes, drinks and has friends round when she's not allowed. She does nothing in the house but make a mess, including eating all the crap food like crisps and cola. One time recently she was in with friends when she wasn't supposed to, and I got back from work to a brun mark on the carpet. My mum went mental when she got home.

    I'm 18 and wondering what you folks thoughts are after reading this? I'm not suicidal or anything, just feel down alot, I'm very happy and upbeat at work, then just feel down and crap after Just needed somewhere to spill out, and ended up here.

    Thank you for taking time to read

  2. #2

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    Quote Originally Posted by Aubaby
    Well I'll start from the begining. I've had a girlfriend for the last 2 years up to the begining of June. We split up because of too many problems stopping us seeing each other. I would often ask if she wanted to meet up with me, and over the course of the 2 years it went from seeing me every weekend to every 2 months, even though she'd tell me she's bored. On top of that we had to keep our relationship secret because her parents disagreed. Every day since then I've thought of her, but she has found another guy and wants to be only friends with me. I told her that if I couldn't be with her I couldn't be friends cause it would kill me inside.
    You're not too much younger than me, but your also at that age where it's very turbulent with a lot of change happening around you. That's why pretty much all relationships started off in high school will end sometime during that brief period. That secret cloak and dagger stuff is really stressful. When I was 18 I dated a girl for about 6 months, except she wanted everything secret from everyone. It gets annoying as well as exhausting when it should be easy being able to express your feelings regardless of who is around, and not having to make up excuses or complicated lies if someone gets wind (which she did a lot). It's a bad situation and "adult relationships" are not supposed to be like that. I've dated a lot of girls my parents didn't like, whoopdie doo. Your're in charge of your own life. Be in control of your relationships (you can be) Don't settle for situations like that and get a partner that's able to articulate to her folks (and to be able articulate to your own) what your doing.

    Well you made a good choice not being friends. That's like watching your own horror show if your're not emotionally past it. Plus, girls can be very notorious for keeping you around as a life boat and may even want to divulge stuff about their relationship to you (has happened to me). It also keeps you passive and not active in your own life as gaze from afar. Don't play that game.

    There are ways to stop thinking about one's ex and getting over them. My old girlfriend who I thought was "the one" and dated for over a year really left me heart broken, but I eventually moved passed it. I'll get to that in a sec.




    A week after we split I started my new Job full-time. While at work I hardly think of her unless her parents come in. It's a small shop so I would see them, and we'd say hi like we were friends. Outside or work, I seem to almost constantly be thinking of her or of having a girlfriend. I only have a couple of friends so don't get out much at all, if ever. I talk to my closest friend a fair amount, and write software for his business. He also recently broke up from his girlfriend, but he's good looking unlike me and he is already talking with a girl he really like and who really likes him back. That doesn't help me feel any better really. I'm mostly interested in Aviation and Technology (my baby baby side only comes out maybe twice a month and that's if I get time home alone as I live with my mum and younger sister).
    It's best to keep distracted during the initial break up healing phase. You are now having to reclaim who you are and find out where you stand on your own in life. Having projects and making new friends will help a lot. Work on your own person. It will take some effort. Actually I have a small bit of advice for you at the moment:

    1. Write a Self-Affirming Statement.

    It can be simple such as "I deserve a great partner and a great relationship. I deserve nothing less."

    Plaster it to the back of your door and in time just reading that will make you feel loads better.

    2. Write Your Goals Down

    This keeps you focused on what's most important long term, rather than relationship flings that are transient.



    My little sister is a right nightmare to live with, and we are always arguing. She's 15 and smokes, drinks and has friends round when she's not allowed. She does nothing in the house but make a mess, including eating all the crap food like crisps and cola. One time recently she was in with friends when she wasn't supposed to, and I got back from work to a brun mark on the carpet. My mum went mental when she got home.
    Siblings are siblings. That's all I can say. They will get on your nerves as long as you live there. Gotta put up with it.

    As far the ex goes, always keep in mind you are in control of your life. She has no power over you and let her have none. I know it hurts sometimes and it will for a while, but things do get better and you will be happy again. Just follow the "No contact" rule and take the time to develop your own sense of self.

    Regards.
    Last edited by Geno; 01-Aug-2012 at 04:02.

  3. #3
    Russie

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    I'm only 14, and I'm not always very wise - but I have been through a lot of rough stuff in my life already. Several break-ups, which has made me smarter about that.
    So...advice. Here ya go, this is what I have:
    First of all, from what you've told me, I'd guess she never really wanted to be in a relationship in the first place. I may be wrong, but that's my guess. And telling her that you shouldn't be friends - very, very mature. Good idea, as well.
    Secondly, seeing her parents in the store and feeling bad - that is normal. It ought to go away eventually, as you get over her. Which you will.
    Thirdly, sisters....hah! I have a younger full sister and a baby half sister, who I don't live with. They live a state away with another part of my family. When I lived with my younger sister (which has been off on on most of my life, although not as much in the past few years), I hated her. Got on my nerves SO much. She did similar things as your sister does/did. Except she's only nine. BUT, when I moved out for pretty much good, I started to miss her. Terribly, in fact. I wanted to see her, to talk to her, to....just hear her cute, little voice. I would, and still do, anything to see her. Which brings me to one of my mottos - you never know what you have until it's gone. Love you sister. Sure, she misbehaves. 90% of kids do. Hell, even 15 year-olds.
    Fourthly, I understand most of what you're going through. When I go through things like this, I do more of the stuff I love to cheer myself up. Exercise helps, too! But you say you like technology and aviation? I'm guessing there's someplace online where you can meet tons of people that like that, too.
    That's about all I have to say. Keep your chin up, you'll make it through.

  4. #4

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    I honestly think BooBooBear has given you some very good advise. He's wiser than his age suggests. The only way to get over a bad breakup quickly is to find someone else. From what you've said, this sounds like it might not happen over night. My son has had good luck with E harmony. You might try a dating service, or become involved in a big organization. Large churches have large youth and older youth groups. It's usually a better class of people, nicer people. Keep yourself busy with things you enjoy. As BooBooBear said, time eventually heals deep wounds.

  5. #5
    Russie

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    Errr...Dogboy...I'm a girl.
    And I meant to say something about dating services, they sometimes work and they sometimes don't. It is always something to try though.
    And yes, time will heal wounds. I'm not trying to be pessimistic when I say this, but there are some wounds that will never heal. Very few, though. (experience, once again.)

  6. #6

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    Thank you all for your replies. Reading these definately makes me more hopeful and a bit more cheery too, I'll certainly take all your words on board

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