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Thread: Extremely depressing venting.

  1. #1

    Default Extremely depressing venting.

    Warning: this is going to contain strong language. If you're offended, that's too damn bad, stop reading this shit.
    Also, if you're extremely religious, you're going to get offended. Just warning you.

    Okay, I'll start off by saying I'm depressed and pissed off at the same time.
    I'm depressed because of this whole TB/DL things. I feel like a freak who can't grow the fuck up behind and leave babyhood, and I'm pissed off because there's absolutely NO fucking way to change that.

    I feel like this whole thing is messing with my life. I feel like I can't interact well with a whole ton of guys when it comes to talking about dirty things. I can't function on the same levels of comedy, I can't connect to them on levels of social ability.

    I think completely different than them. They think about pussy and tits, I think about fucking diapers. I mean how embarassing is that? I feel like I'm completely out of place. I can't stand it. Every fucking time I think about this shit, I get pissed off beyond belief, so pissed off that words can't even describe it. I feel worthless, pathetic. I feel like a complete outcast. Every time I go on ADISC, or think about diapers or my pacifier, I just feel like punching the shit out of something, or throwing the closest thing to me at a wall.

    To top it all off, life has just gone to shit lately. Everything's been going wrong. Everything. Not only that, but depression has been kicking in hard the entire summer, and I feel completely alone. I don't think I've been happy for more than a few hours at a time the entire summer. I'm either running my ass off at football, or at home, sitting at my computer and feeling depressed and listening to sad music, not even wanting to move or talk to anyone. I've lost motivation to do anything.

    I've also had thoughts of suicide lately. I sometimes wonder how quickly everything could end with one little nick from a knife. All it takes is a bit of pain, and I can get out of a life time of misery. I honestly feel that it'd be fucking great to just end it. I always hear people say "Don't kill yourself! It's permanent! Life will get better! Trust me!" The truth is it hasn't gotten better. It's only gotten worse. And the point IS it's supposed to be permanent. If it's a mistake, it's one I won't live to regret, just like I've regretted everything else in my life.

    And before everyone gets all religious on me and says "God has a plan for you," fuck that. God's a cold hearted bastard. I swear it's like he's edging me on to kill myself for his own entertainment. Just this summer, after 9 years of going to a Catholic school, I've turned from Catholic to agnostic. So shove all that God bullshit up your ass.

    Now, I know I'm going to get a lot of hate and make a lot of people mad because of that last paragraph, but I really don't care. It's venting, I'm extremely pissed off, get the fuck over it.
    -Mike

  2. #2

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    Im not sure if i can say anything that can help but i felt like saying something regardless

    You obviously cant help your attraction anymore than any of us can, maybe thats something you could actually discuss with a psychologist or something if its causing that much issues, but other than that you really aren't a freak liking diapers isn't normal by any means but its not that bad. Fuck one of my last long term partners was into blood and needle play to the same point of obsession and I still dont think a person can be judged for that.
    Its possible if you try and discover the reasons behind it you may be more comfortable with it and if you feel that strongly about it there may be ways to change it we can choose who we want to be to an extent if we try hard enough.

    As for motivation i hear you it seems to be the plague of the younger generations. Also on suicide well its one solution but its a risk if you don't do it properly you leave your life in a worse position, and even if you do achieve it that its your life's over.
    Which honestly i consider inefficient sure your life might not get better but it could easily its a risk to win the game you gotta at least be in it, I think your feelings for suicide are justified in feeling them but not a solution to the problem.
    I cant offer a solution except that i hope you can find some things in life that are worth it just to get you the shits parts. You gotta enjoy the small things.

    But anyway on the topic of agnosticism(which is just another word for atheist) examine your reasons for coming to this decision. Personally im an atheist because of lack of evidence and moralistic reasons. I hope you become an agnostic(atheist) because of good reasons not just because Catholicism is shit though its a good starting reason.
    And if one person gives you shit at least on here for choosing to be more logical. they do it at their own risk :P

  3. #3

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    Hi Mike, living on the fringe due to your sexuality sure is serious since humans are such a social animal but know your venting is a healthy thing to do!

    Your frustration while absolutely real and justified really comes down to a fault with society not yet being accepting not with you as an individual so I hope you can get to a happy place at some point.

  4. #4
    CrinklySiren

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    Just relax bro, it gets better, you just feel that way now because you feel a need to socially relate to these "normal" people, you have no reason to hate yourself for what you like, it would be like hating yourself because while everyone else likes to eat mcdonals, you like to eat Escargot (snails). It has nothing to do with you not being able to leave babyhood, in fact it makes you stronger than them that you have the ability to find emotional connection with such simple innocent things. Who cares if you dont wanna talk about tits, ass, pussy etc. When I was in middle/high school, I couldnt relate to my guy friends either, they were all too busy getting laid while I was too busy being bullied and playing video games, and wearing diapers, but it made me happy when I had nothing else to make me happy, you have to look at it from that point of view. If it makes you happy, then who GIVES a fuck what the rest of the world thinks.

    You're too young to be thinking about suicide, you obviously arent alone because there are tons of us who are either going or have gone through the same thing as you, if you kill yourself you'll only lost MORE. I mean here you are complaining about how you cant relate with guy friends and you hate yourself for thinking about diapers, the only thing suicide is gonna do is erase you from the equation, then who's left to defend you? No one.

    I understand your depression man, but it gets better, BELIEVE ME. All my friends are single and struggling to find a girl friend that wont nag them to death on their flaws, while Im happily married with a wife who isnt an ABDL but babies me and lets me get babied by our friends. Believe me when I say that the older you get, the less you give a shit about what people think, because from the looks of it it seems that you are concentrating too much on whats "normal" than concentrating on what makes youhappy!

    As for god, im with you, fuck god. As far as im concerned, he's about as real as Zeus or Santa. I am also Atheist like ThatAndyGuy, I strongly believe that once you let go of religion and learn to realize that you have what it takes to accomplish everything you want on your own without "gods" help, life starts getting much easier... God only complicates things as it puts restrictions on life.

  5. #5

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    Oh Mike, I'm so sorry to hear this is how you have been feeling.

    I have the lamest advice I can give you, but I really do hope you read it and take it to heart.

    Everyone is different, and everyone is bothered by something about them. Trust me, you aren't even remotely the only person who hates a part of who they are, and you really just need to sit back, relax, and take a deep breath.

    Think for a moment, why are you so stressed out? Is it just because you like diapers? Is there something else that is bothering you, that you are blaming on the diapers?

    You know, you aren't an outcast just because you like diapers. That's only one part of who you are, you have so much more about you!

    There is nothing embarrassing about being sexually attracted to something outside the so-imposed social "norms", which I hardly agree with.

    As ObsoleteBaby is saying... It truly does get better. I myself was so fully skeptical all through high school... I was just like you in the outcast department, and it really does indeed get better... The hardest part about this, is that YOU yourself need to want to MAKE it better... You can't just wish it better, and you can't just all of a sudden make it change.

    Edit: -- It truly may take a long time Mike... This is one of the hardest part's as well... I look back on my life, and I just have to wonder what I did to pull through the many years I had of being depressed. I really can't pinpoint what I did to make it through. All I know now, today, right now is that I am grateful that I did. I am unbelievably glad that I am still around today, to see everything I can, and feel what I've never gotten the chance to feel. It's overwhelming what you can experience in your life, it just may take a while to get there.

    Edit: -- While the battle may be long, painful, and hard... I truly think it's worth it to pull through and make it to that point in your life, where you finally realize that it is okay. I'm sorry I can't be of more use, but I hope this helps you a little bit.

    If you are really struggling, please see a psychiatrist, don't let something as simple as a sexual attraction remove you from the world.

    - Lobie

  6. #6

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    I feel like this whole thing is messing with my life.
    I know what that feels like. I've spent days wondering what it would've been like if I would've never liked diapers. Things would be so much easier. I'd have nothing to hide, wouldn't have to prepare an 'I like diapers' talk for a potential girlfriend and I could just live my life.

    But, sometimes life gives you lemons. Sometimes the lemons turn out to be something else entirely. I don't know your age, but based on what I've read, you're probably in your mid to late teens (somewhere around 17/18) — the way you see the world, will change. Maybe for better, maybe for worse. However, despite not knowing you, there have to be other interests you can explore that will give you a sense of control over your life? For now, you're feeling stuck, but that will change eventually and painful as it may be, it's best to just sit it out than to take rash actions.



    Everything's been going wrong. Everything. Not only that, but depression has been kicking in hard the entire summer, and I feel completely alone.
    That truly f---ing sucks. Depression's a bitch.

    To me, it sounds like you just want to fit in (or 'be normal' at least), more than anything else. Based on what you've described about being held back by your TB/DL feelings, I'd suggest one of two paths:

    1) See a therapist. Preferably one that specialises in EMDR. If you want to change, but can't, they can help.
    2) Learn to accept who you are. In the past, I've had so many 'binge and purge' cycles, I eventually stopped keeping track.



    It's venting, I'm extremely pissed off, get the fuck over it.
    In situations like this, venting's a good thing. You're getting it out there, so I do hope that you'll eventually feel better.

  7. #7

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    mike.. oh boy... do you know how hard it is to kill yourself? hard. Maybe i'm a bitch, but every time i tried, it was harder to run a blade 1/4" than it was to be miserable.

    pussy and tits? if there are a group of 10 males talking about pussy and tits, there are going to be 2 that wish it was about dick, one wishing that pussy was under a diaper, and another wishing the pussy and tits were his, yet they all will be talking about "hitting that" or "jerking it to that pic" or "damn hot babes".

    being a freak is less about why, and more about the problem it causes finding friends and love. you know how i met my boyfriend? on here, talking about being a freak. (MY freak now ) The idea is that yea, your not gonna have an easy time, you get -10 boyfriend points for being in diapers. Thats why you have to step up your fucking game, and work on your life so you can blind them with awesome to the point where they don't see your diapers as the deciding factor.

    my boyfriend and I have amazingly technical discussions and connect in geekiness... while I change his diaper... I would have kicked him to the curb if he was an idiot, no matter how much i like diapers!

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by babyemo View Post
    mike.. oh boy... do you know how hard it is to kill yourself? hard. Maybe i'm a bitch, but every time i tried, it was harder to run a blade 1/4" than it was to be miserable.

    pussy and tits? if there are a group of 10 males talking about pussy and tits, there are going to be 2 that wish it was about dick, one wishing that pussy was under a diaper, and another wishing the pussy and tits were his, yet they all will be talking about "hitting that" or "jerking it to that pic" or "damn hot babes".

    being a freak is less about why, and more about the problem it causes finding friends and love. you know how i met my boyfriend? on here, talking about being a freak. (MY freak now ) The idea is that yea, your not gonna have an easy time, you get -10 boyfriend points for being in diapers. Thats why you have to step up your fucking game, and work on your life so you can blind them with awesome to the point where they don't see your diapers as the deciding factor.

    my boyfriend and I have amazingly technical discussions and connect in geekiness... while I change his diaper... I would have kicked him to the curb if he was an idiot, no matter how much i like diapers!
    Very good advice. Quite funny and statistically accurate.

    Killing oneself isnt going to change anything. It may not even be what you think. Who knows. What there is to contemplate/celebrate/question/whatever is the fact that no one is perfectly normal because we are all different; and that makes every one of us an individual, even if it is by extremely small variations that we conduct ourselves. Recollecting all of the instances/choices that have occurred to you in this life, that constitute you as the individual, and that have programmed you to be who you are should reveal to yourself that your opinion is the only one that matters about you. Every male in this world that has hypermasculine tendencies is going to talk about those kind of things because 1 - they are attempting to fill emotional and psychological voids that cannot be filled by sex, so they objectify it, and 2- They don't really care about what they are saying, because most of them realize they are just doing 99% of it out of boredom and group mentality. Quit judging yourself so harshly. If you truly do not like yourself then you will have to change to become more of what you wish to be, in all implied ways. Self doubt, fear and anxiety are all human byproducts of "Sane" (lol) individuals, adapting and coping with the constraints of an insane and unstable society. Metaphorically, it leads to reason to first understand the inner and use what you learn to change the outer. I hope you learn what it is that you are looking for, but never give up on the searching - because their is joy in it if you look hard enough. I appreciate the communication here and it seems that is something to be positive about.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Furdle View Post

    1) See a therapist. Preferably one that specialises in EMDR. If you want to change, but can't, they can help.
    2) Learn to accept who you are. In the past, I've had so many 'binge and purge' cycles, I eventually stopped keeping track.



    In situations like this, venting's a good thing. You're getting it out there, so I do hope that you'll eventually feel better.
    I have a therapist, and hes knows about the whole diaper thing, but I really don't like talking to him about it for some reason. It's just embarassing.
    Also, I used to accept myself, but depression makes me hate myself about the entire thing when it kicks in.
    It's like I'll never be able to fully accept it.

  10. #10

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    Never is a very improbable thing its one of those sucky things that takes time i think

    but anyway try reading this Hyperbole and a Half: Adventures in Depression it may not help directly but it may help with your perspective. I found it did for me anyway.

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