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Thread: qualifier for a spouse

  1. #1

    Default qualifier for a spouse

    Ok, So I've been a bit discreet, and a bit straight forward, but i'm trying to be as tactful about how i approach this in my life as i possibly can.

    My theory is, in looking for a wife and trying to live as an Ab/Dl, that if my lifestyle is a "Turn Off" to her, then i should probably continue to look elsewhere (unless my relationship has gone really far already, at which point I will try and help her understand, and make some compromises myself).
    I'm not expecting it to be a "Turn on" for a girl, I just hope to find somebody that wont be bothered by it. Someone that can say to themselves, 'he just has a different style of self expression, and i can respect that,' and possibly a girl that wouldn't be bothered my me wearing a diaper to bed at least on occasion.

    What do you think about this idea? I know that some of you are in relationships where your spouse does or did feel disgust about Infantilism, and you would never give him/her up, however, if you were not in a serious relationship with anyone, would you place finding somebody who could be ok with it as a important priority?

  2. #2

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    This. I am actually quite terrified of every having to tell a significant other, but I do agree with you. I just need someone who can understand and put up with it. This is a part of my lifestyle, and if someone I'm dating can't accept it, we can both mutually agree that we're not meant for each other. I'd hate myself if I ever tried to force this onto a girlfriend or wife.

  3. #3

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    I have finally come to what I feel is a balance for my DL side. However, this is one subject that still makes me wish that I could go without my DL side. From all the discussions I've read I have decided that I will not tell another girlfriend until it comes down to engagement. At that point I feel that she has the right to know that side of me. Luckily I can go months on end without being involved with that side of me so I'm hoping that will soften the blow a little. If not, then I honestly don't know what I'll do. Like you said--Maybe we can compromise . . .

  4. #4

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    I found someone who'll love me no matter what. When I told her that I was DL, that was just another dimension of me for her to love. Easy peasy.

    Getting an ABDL significant other (if you're a straight male) is hard. Finding someone who isn't ABDL but will love you for who you are is less hard.

    I'll be honest that I have points where I get upset that my fiancee isn't ABDL. Would that be something I want? Yea, it'd be awesome. But A1 on the list is being loved. That I have. After that, everything else will fall into place.

  5. #5

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    If I ever find someone someday, he or she must know & not have a problem with it. I'm not sure how I'll ever meet someone though.

  6. #6

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    I did exactly this after awhile. I had dated a few guys, and when the ABDL thing came up, they bailed pretty quickly. Mind that in a couple of these cases they had expressed interest in bondage and such things, so it wasn't completely from left field.

    After that, I decided a couple of things. First, I was going to stop looking for someone. Second, if I did meet someone, they would have to be not just tolerant, but on board with me being an ABDL.

    I realized then, and I still do now, that I had set a very high bar, one high enough that the possibility of me remaining single for a very very long time was the most likely one. But, I also had come to understand that I was unable or sufficiently unwilling to sublimate my ABDL desires to make a go of a relationship with an unwilling partner, and I had reached a point where I was comfortable being single. As someone wise once told me, "If you're not fit company for yourself, you're not fit company for anyone else, either."

    It wound up working out for me, eventually, as I wound up meeting someone at an ABDL Halloween party nearly four years ago and we haven't killed each other yet . That said, it's a tough row to hoe. I feel that it was the right decision for me in the end, though.

    At any rate, I hope you find someone that makes you truly happy!

  7. #7

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    I agree with GoldDragonAurkarm. My wife was not fully supportive at the beginning. Long story short this made it difficult in our relationship and effected me greatly. She is on board. I'm happier. I can't change this or who I am, all I can do is be honest and embrace it. I will not subject myself to feeling less or having another person do the same. Be patient and you will find someone!

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by GoldDragonAurkarm View Post

    I realized then, and I still do now, that I had set a very high bar, one high enough that the possibility of me remaining single for a very very long time was the most likely one. But, I also had come to understand that I was unable or sufficiently unwilling to sublimate my ABDL desires to make a go of a relationship with an unwilling partner, and I had reached a point where I was comfortable being single. As someone wise once told me, "If you're not fit company for yourself, you're not fit company for anyone else, either."

    It wound up working out for me, eventually, as I wound up meeting someone at an ABDL Halloween party nearly four years ago and we haven't killed each other yet . That said, it's a tough row to hoe. I feel that it was the right decision for me in the end, though.

    At any rate, I hope you find someone that makes you truly happy!
    I like that about being fit company. I have become more comfortable being single, but I am still looking, I'm just waiting to find someone who can be on board. That's pretty neat you met yours at an ab event, I wonder if I'll ever attend one.

  9. #9
    Chrome

    Post

    I agree w/ ShippoFox that honesty is the best approach. I'm sure people who are worried about finding a significant other who is accepting of the AB/DL/whatever you guys identify w/ sides. I'd adore it if my future girlfriend and/or fiance was an AB or at least accepted my daddy side. If not, life would still be pretty awesome sauce!

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tyger View Post
    ...My theory is, in looking for a wife and trying to live as an Ab/Dl, that if my lifestyle is a "Turn Off" to her, then i should probably continue to look elsewhere (unless my relationship has gone really far already, at which point I will try and help her understand, and make some compromises myself).
    ...
    Never rely on changing someone's mind. Remember the cliche, "a tiger can't easily change its stripes?" If she won't accept it at all and you can't be a non-AB then expect the conflict to be permanent. It's very hard to say "take it or leave it" at the later stage of a relationship like that, but you have to be willing to walk away if she will not let you be who you are. Now compromise is good, and in fact is necessary even in a relationship between ABDLs. If she would at least tolerate your AB, you could keep it out of her way, and not engage in any behavior that is a "no go." But you cannot have a good relationship with someone who tolerates only 95% of you anymore than you can take only 95% of her. It has to be 100%.

    Now I've given this sermon before but it's worth repeating. Like you said, her participation is not mandatory in a relationship with an ABDL. There is more than ABDL compatibility that you need to be aware of. She can be an excellent mommy but things don't work out in other aspects of the relationship. Or, you can have decades of wonderful times with someone who will tolerate your AB and never participate, but will be great in every other aspect. I'd read some of Dr Niel Clark Warren's books on compatibility if I were you. Dr. Warren is the founder of eharmoney.com.

    Sent from my DROIDX using Tapatalk 2

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