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Thread: How did you feel?

  1. #1

    Default How did you feel?

    When did you guys realize that you were diaper lovers or adult babies? How did you feel? Did you binge/purge? Or did you accept it straight away? And most importantly, have you ever been caught by anyone?

  2. #2

    Default

    I was 17 when I realized I was a diaper lover. I knew I liked diapers since I was nine and realize I was not alone at age 12. I learned the term diaper lover when I was 17 and started to use it on myself. I knew the term adult baby at age 12 and then the term diaper lover came along and it's when someone likes diapers alone an have no desire for baby items. I was a teen baby and an adult baby the day I turned 18 because I did have two pacifiers then. Then I got myself a baby bottle at age 18. I still consider myself a mostly DL because I have baby items but I am not a full adult baby and I do diapers more than baby stuff.

    I kept my diaper desires hidden for three years because I thought I was the only one but I always obsessed about diapers and strollers. Then my parents made me feel ashamed, mostly my mother, at age 12 about my desire for diapers and mom told me none of the stuff was real I was seeing online and she convinced me I would lose bladder control and not be able to live a normal life because no one would want to marry me nor share a room with me in college. But I proved her wrong, I didn't go to college and I still got two boyfriends and then a husband. Of course I hear it's rare to find another AB/DL person. I lucked out.

    I have felt nasty and disgusted with myself for wearing a diaper and then i would ignore the feeling inside me and just do it. I don't get that feeling anymore.

    I have been caught lot of times by my parents. I don't really try and hide it anymore from them because they know about it and accept it. My diapers have been seen by my husband's family too and not one of them has ever said a word to me about it. I have been caught with my baby stuff too by my brothers and one of them found my pacifier in my dad's car and I was never sure how it got there. Mom handed it to me and asked me if I wanted her to throw it away and I said no. My pesky neighbor also once found it in my room and I had to think of a quick lie about it and he bought it. I am sure my brothers know about my diapers also but I still take precaution by hiding it from them. I still don't walk around in front of anyone in my diapers with nothing over them even if they do know about it. I only do that in front of my husband or other AB/DLs. It is still awkward if my parents see me in a diaper unintentionally. But it's been five years now since they have last seen me in one. My mother actually, but my dad, I am not sure. I think that was back in Montana when I still lived there and he caught me in one and didn't care but I still got dressed. Even if i wasn't diapered, I would have still put my clothes back on.

    I think I was 17 when I started to accept the fact I liked them. before that I was in denial for five years and kept it buried. I wouldn't go near any adult diapers either. I only went to the websites.

  3. #3

  4. #4

    Smile

    I discovered I liked wearing nappies when I was about 4 or 5... around the time my sister was born. I remember my mum talking about "the new baby" and how babies have to wear nappies. (Maybe I was still wearing at night and this was some sort of encouragement to want be "all grown up"...?) Anyway, she showed me the "kite fold" (we were in cloth nappies) and I obviously showed some kind of interest and she asked if I'd like her to put one on me. She did (over the top of my clothes) and I walked around for a minute before she took it off again. I asked her to do it again a few times after that, but I remember her giving me a funny look and firmly saying, "No."

    I remember wetting the bed a few times and waking up and trying to move to the side to avoid the wetness before falling asleep again... And I even remember my mum pinning a nappy on me in the bathroom once before bed. I remember bracing myself and flinching as she put the pins in, really worried that they would stick in me (not that they ever had!) and being told (in a kind way) not to be so silly!

    I sort of wonder if, when I wet the bed, I wished I was in nappies again (but I don't really remember thinking anything like that at the time).

    Maybe a year later I saw nappies in the bathroom, and sneaked one into bed, folded it round me (without any pins), enjoyed the feeling for a minute or two, then chucked it at the foot of the bed. I did this a few times, but every time my my parents would come in to say goodnight and discover it! I guess 5 year olds aren't very subtle or discreet! They'd tell me not to do it again and I remember feeling uncomfortable with the way they looked at me... *blush*

    I knew I wasn't "supposed" to do this and that I should feel "embarrassed", but it didn't really bother me -- I knew my own mind! I played with (clean) cloth nappies a few times after that, either in the bathroom where I'd disappear for half an hour, or in the lounge when my parents were not watching me. I drew a "nozzle" on the underside of our coffee table and would imagine that it was a "diapering machine" and that kids would be restrained on conveyor belts going through the machine that would spank them and diaper them... Ha ha... what a weird imagination I had... I think it started from an illustration in a nursery rhyme book I had next to "There was an old woman who lived in a shoe" which showed some kind of automated whipping machine to help her whip the children before they were sent to bed. (Is that not the most f***ed up, disturbing nursery rhyme you've ever read?!)

    When I was about 12, I remember my parents teasing me about "the time when you were little and liked wearing nappies" *cringe*. My sister was there too and everyone fell about laughing (except for me who just shouted, "NO. I. DID. NOOOOOT!!!!" and stormed off. Yeah... Probably not the best way to play it down...

    But after that, I didn't really have much opportunity to wear until I was about 13 or 14. I remember being at school and feeling like a weird alien and being terrified that people could read my mind, or that I might say something in my sleep if I stayed at a friend's house... It's a weird thing to remember, but a lot of kids had these rucksacks that had a top "flap" with elastic drawstrings down either side to cover the opening at the top of the bag, and it looked exactly like an upside-down nappy on the top of the bag! I couldn't take my eyes off them! (Who knows... if it went on any longer, maybe I'd have a rucksack fetish!)

    Anyway, around that age (13 or 14). my parents would occasionally leave me in the house alone overnight while they visited friends. I tried "making" some nappies of my own by cutting leg holes in plastic bags and stuffing tissue paper or rags down there... but obviously they weren't much practical use. Later on, I tried making some plastic pants by carefully stitching a cut-out from a plastic bag onto a pair of pants (and then I left them in the bathroom and my mum very kindly explained to my horrified face that I really could talk to her if I was having any "problems" *blush*)...

    Then at age 17 or 18 I learnt to drive and would disappear at 3am to drive 20 miles to somewhere where I thought no one would ever recognise me or see me again and buy baby nappies from all-night petrol stations.

    A bit later I discovered that I wasn't the only person in the world to have this weird fascination when Internet access became more common (which was reassuring!)... And I found out that they even make diapers in adult sizes!!! Wow. Who knew?!

    Then, aged 19, I discovered a shop (Boots the chemist) that sold them... So I bought a pack... And got a pretty weird look from the woman behind me who announced loudly to her kid AND the whole shop, whilst staring straight at me, "Oh! That reminds me! We need to buy some nappies for little baby Billy!" *blush* You have no idea how slowly time passed as I waited to get to the front of the queue! I practically broke into a sprint once I'd left the shop... and even had the "good fortune" to bump into some friends on the way home. The nappies were in a carrier bag with a few Christmas presents so I hope no one noticed what they were... Thank god it was Christmas and they (hopefully) assumed I'd just bought presents. I think I got away with it!

    Anyway, I never really had the "binge & purge" cycles that everyone talks about. I went through long periods of not-wearing (mainly because I was busy and didn't really have the necessary privacy), but I never tried to "cure" myself or put it out of my mind; I can't remember ever throwing away an unused diaper or anything like that. In my own mind, I've never thought I was doing anything wrong... it's just a weird and inexplicable quirk; but when I think about how other people might judge me, I still feel totally ashamed and embarrassed... Ho hum...

    My mum used to walk into my room without warning (i.e. knock-knock, a second's pause, door opens!) and I'm sure she's seen the duvet in mid-air as I've leapt into bed and thrown it over me to hide the fact that I was chilling out in just my nappy! But she never said anything... She just very quickly learnt to knock and wait!

    And a few times I got up in the morning, not wanted to take my nappy off straight away, and had my mum randomly hug me... and put her arm/hand on my waist, obviously feeling the padding, and either give me a quizzical look (or worse patting my bum *shudder*). That happened quite a few times and (with the guiltiest reaction possible), I'd just grab her hand and hold it higher up! Yeah... I think she had a pretty good idea of what was going on. I think she figured out it wasn't a medical need and I sensed that she was a little curious (she'd give me a very sympathetic but inquisitive look), but pretty much regarded it as a private matter and I clearly didn't want to discuss it, so... that was that.

    I haven't talked about this in so much detail before, but I guess I'm trying to "show the real me" a bit more... I see a shrink for various issues and it seems one of my main problems is that I'm obsessed with worrying about what other people think, so... well... I dunno what I'm trying to say, but self-acceptance is really important if you don't want to go crazy!

    Oh... I haven't written this at all well, and it's very long and rambling and should probably be in a blog entry... but I hope it helps someone... somehow... in a galaxy far, far away... Or is at least more interesting that I think it sounds, having just re-read it!

  5. #5

    Default

    I have been into wearing nappies for years now probably since i was 11 when I started. I experimented with buying plastic pants in baby sizes and makeshift nappies. I then started wearing for longer periods when I was 14 and caught by my mother who marched me to doctor. I stopped for a while but then at the age of 17 and was doing well for a while. Then again my father found my stash and made me dispose of it all. I bought more and more. I have been out of parents home now for 20years and keep my stash well hidden although I am married and my wife know we do keep it between us and while she knows she doesn't play any part in it. This is my thing I suppose the only reason my wife knows or found out was one of my sisters told her when we started dating she thought my then girlfriend had a right to know I had "issues". I am very happy to say it didn't split us up but actually made us stronger.
    I' have shortened a lot of it otherwise I would never stop

  6. #6

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    Since i can remember i'd like to wear diapers since i was 5 years old but that time i only like it i've never try to wear one. Until i'm 13 years old when one of my cousins is still a bedwetter and needs to wear diaper. I have to admit that i steal the diapers although it didn't fit it was the first time i realised i love diaper and by 14 yours old i collect my guts and buy my first adult diaper altough it may be the scarriest thing i've ever done. My ABDL life is also change when i found internet. I was wondering if there is people like me anywhere in the world then i used google to search some words and the end i'm now about ABDL start join some Forums and now i'm 16 years old. And i'm accepting who am i and i told my best friend about it. Thank god he supported me

    In the end being ABDL is who am i and i'm never gonna stop liking it.

  7. #7
    pixuul

    Default

    4 or 5 for me but I'm just a diaper lover
    Last edited by Trevor; 23-Jul-2012 at 00:11. Reason: removing auto-merged duplicate posts.

  8. #8

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by tiny View Post
    Anyway, I never really had the "binge & purge" cycles that everyone talks about. I went through long periods of not-wearing (mainly because I was busy and didn't really have the necessary privacy), but I never tried to "cure" myself or put it out of my mind; I can't remember ever throwing away an unused diaper or anything like that. In my own mind, I've never thought I was doing anything wrong... it's just a weird and inexplicable quirk; but when I think about how other people might judge me, I still feel totally ashamed and embarrassed... Ho hum...

    My mum used to walk into my room without warning (i.e. knock-knock, a second's pause, door opens!) and I'm sure she's seen the duvet in mid-air as I've leapt into bed and thrown it over me to hide the fact that I was chilling out in just my nappy! But she never said anything... She just very quickly learnt to knock and wait!

    And a few times I got up in the morning, not wanted to take my nappy off straight away, and had my mum randomly hug me... and put her arm/hand on my waist, obviously feeling the padding, and either give me a quizzical look (or worse patting my bum *shudder*). That happened quite a few times and (with the guiltiest reaction possible), I'd just grab her hand and hold it higher up! Yeah... I think she had a pretty good idea of what was going on. I think she figured out it wasn't a medical need and I sensed that she was a little curious (she'd give me a very sympathetic but inquisitive look), but pretty much regarded it as a private matter and I clearly didn't want to discuss it, so... that was that.

    I haven't talked about this in so much detail before, but I guess I'm trying to "show the real me" a bit more... I see a shrink for various issues and it seems one of my main problems is that I'm obsessed with worrying about what other people think, so... well... I dunno what I'm trying to say, but self-acceptance is really important if you don't want to go crazy!

    Oh... I haven't written this at all well, and it's very long and rambling and should probably be in a blog entry... but I hope it helps someone... somehow... in a galaxy far, far away... Or is at least more interesting that I think it sounds, having just re-read it!
    It reads just fine to me, and is an enlightening description of your experiences, which are, of course, different from anyone else's. It sounds like your mom has come to accept it without undo worry, but more importantly it sounds like you have come to accept it. It's not easy, particularly when opinions of others weigh heavily on your mind.

    You can, of course, count on those of us who are here to admire your healthiness, which is part of why we are all here. Others is a _lot_ bigger stretch. But remember that being AB/DL is not the only thing you are. You will gain the admiration of others on the strength of the other things you do.

    You always seem to have useful and supportive responses to questions posted here. I hope that I have been able to return the favor in some small way. This is a great community and it is as helpful for the poster, when they can be a part of it, as it is for the person they are responding to.

    Sounds like you have it largely under control. That's pretty awsome in itself.

  9. #9

    Default

    I first realized that I was a DL when I was 13. I fought these urges and tried to deny it and suppress the way I felt until about 17 when I decided that it wasn't worth fighting anymore. I have not gotten caught yet, though I have had some calls that were too close for comfort.

  10. #10

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by tiny View Post
    ...and I'm sure she's seen the duvet in mid-air...
    LMAO!! I could so visualize that!!



    Quote Originally Posted by tiny View Post
    I haven't talked about this in so much detail before, but I guess I'm trying to "show the real me" a bit more... I see a shrink for various issues and it seems one of my main problems is that I'm obsessed with worrying about what other people think, so... well... I dunno what I'm trying to say, but self-acceptance is really important if you don't want to go crazy!

    Oh... I haven't written this at all well, and it's very long and rambling and should probably be in a blog entry... but I hope it helps someone... somehow... in a galaxy far, far away... Or is at least more interesting that I think it sounds, having just re-read it!
    Self-acceptance is important...what other people think...is not (at least not in the way you may believe it to be).

    I think you've illustrated your story beautifully! I felt like I could really appreciate your experience as though I were there. Thank you indeed tiny for sharing!

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