That's basically it,
I don't know how to define it, I just do. I can't understand my inability to accomplish anything lately; when I do reach a high point, I usually topple back down by the end of the day.
So, recently I got another shot at my engineering degree, Yes! But, a little back story, I messed up at that majorly. I'd use harsher language, but I feel as though foul language makes one come off as dense. So after the first screw up, I was forced to take a year out of college. I couldn't find work, except for a scattered odd job. Tension with my parents had been mounting. Then, my year was up, I had my second chance; a rare occurrence in college. I screwed up again. The thing that stings the most is I know I am smart enough to be an engineer, I know I can complete the program. But I just keep screwing up... I don't know why; this leads to a lot of tension between my parents and I.
My parents plan to retire in three years. So, that's pretty good for them. Not so good for me. They tell me I have three years to get my shit together and get a degree, after that, I'm cut off. Seems like plenty of time to do something with my life, but with this bad screw up I just feel like I can't really do anything anymore.
All of this has lead to me being pretty confused and unsure of what to do. I don't know where to go next. I've talked to people about it and nobody seems to be able to offer me anything that really fixes the situation. I can't talk to mom, she thinks I messed up the course due to lack of study etc. I can't talk to dad as it seems as though he has lost a lot of interest in the things I have to say.
So, that is the main part of my problem, but these events have lead to another underlying problem. I just feel like I'm being pushed on a conveyor belt through life. Things keep happening and I don't really feel like I have the motivation to do anything. I haven't felt motivated in a while now. I can't think of anything to really motivate myself with. I used to study for my exams for 8 hours or more a day, but it doesn't stick unless you're really motivated to learn. I honestly don't know what to do about that, I'm just so pessimistic. I see all of the people around me accomplishing so much, why isn't that happening for me?