Hello ADISC users. I've been reading this forum for a few months now and have decided to make an account.
I'm a college student in Washington DC, I want to be a writer, and have been dating a girl who I'll call Sara, for 6 months. She found out relatively early in the relationship that I had a fetish (I spent most of my nights drunk those days), but refused to tell her what it was. Eventually, though, after we had both said "I love you," I let her in on the secret. She seemed ecstatic at the time that I trusted her with my most intimate secret and we fell even harder for each other.
Eventually school gets out for the summer and we both go home to opposite sides of the country. At this point she lets me know that it bothers her a little bit (which I was expecting), but we were able to handle it with relatively no problem. After a little over a month apart, she comes to visit me and I build up the courage to ask her to wear one. She wants to be able to say yes because she doesn't want to disappoint me, but she can't. We end up talking about it for the next few hours, which is the most I've ever talked about it (I don't even write about it in my journal).
Everything appeared fine, but today she called me (she only went back home two days ago) and started crying because it was all she could think about. She can't disassociate me from them. I also learned that her dad, who lives in a nursing home, has to use them, which creates an even greater negative association. We both understand that this is a fascination that probably won't go away, though I've only just started indulging in it (I bought my first pack a month ago), but she's worried about what it can become, like if I meet her father and I don't have as much control as I think I do. I don't see this being an issue on my end, but it's still a concern of her that I can't seem to alleviate.
One thing she asked me to do, was to talk with someone about this, so her I am. This is something I've been dealing with my whole life, yet in this entire post, I couldn't even use the word once. Diaper. Just typing that makes my heart race. As she put it, it's something very important to me and who I am, though I'm not sure I've ever allowed myself to think of it in that way. It's permeated my thoughts consistently, yet I've always considered it a small little side portion. Apparently, I still have some stuff to figure out.
And that's where this sight comes in. Part of the reason why I've never posted on any forum like this is because I feel like I have nothing new to contribute, but I think this will be good for me, so thank you for giving me this medium for discussion.