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Thread: Marriage and Rings

  1. #1

    Default Marriage and Rings

    Heya.

    I'm somewhat confused by the system over here of getting married. I understand that it's accepted that an engagement ring (a legal gift-with-strings) is followed by a wedding ring. As far as I can tell, the engagement ring is typically expected to be a diamond (which we have no interest in), and the wedding ring is typically a plain band.

    Has anyone had really good luck with finding non-diamond engagement rings with non-traditional arrangements (i.e. channel-set gems rather than a solitaire)?

    I ask because I'd like to really have a good look around; neither one of us is certain of just precisely what we're looking for, and I'd like to narrow this to 3-5 rings before proceeding.

    Oh, and the band: is it indeed the case that it's typically a plain ring?

    The whole thing is somewhat confusing, and not helped by the fact that it is actually historically recent rather than an "ancient custom" as DeBeers would have us think. I'm also somewhat taken aback at the whole notion of a dowry existing still, but that's another issue.

    Thanks

  2. #2

    Default

    wedding rings go back to ancient Armenia... actually the proto Armenians know as the Hayasa-Azzi Tribes. I have a set from about the 13th century BC if you want to see a picture.

  3. #3

    Default

    I mean that the whole notion of how we go about these things, the process. As I understand it, the notion of courtship and courtly love as we would relate to it is pretty recent. Suffice it to say, we were not giving each other diamonds after an "appropriate" wooing period after both sets of parents approved and after Ug bought a new cave.

    But, yeah, I'm always up for looking at history and historical artifacts! Post pictures, if it's not any trouble.



    Quote Originally Posted by Fragarach View Post
    wedding rings go back to ancient Armenia... actually the proto Armenians know as the Hayasa-Azzi Tribes. I have a set from about the 13th century BC if you want to see a picture.

  4. #4

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    A engagement ring is "typically" a diamond solitaire sent into white gold, yellow gold or platinum. There are two usual options for the solitaire ring. Either you choose a setting&band and present her with the finished ring at proposal or you have a plain setting and band and then you both go together to pick a setting and band which will compliment your wedding bands which you will also pick. A wedding ring is complimentary to the engagement ting and is usually either a plain metal band, a designed metal band such as with scrollwork or knot work or a band with channel set diamonds along with an accent stone. Typically sapphires, rubies or emeralds.

    The engagement ring is usually given along with the proposal of marriage and the girl wears the engagement ring until the wedding where it is either replaced by, or joined with the wedding ring. A man typically does not wear an engagement ring, only a wedding band after marriage.


    Now all that stuff up there is just the "traditional" fancy shmancy stuff. Previous to the diamond solitaire it was traditional to give the girl a family heirloom ring, generally the grandmother's ring that had been resized. This was generally used as the engagement ring and the couple would choose whether or not to add a wedding band to it.

    Now a lot of people are starting to depart from the diamond solitaire and use rings that are meaningful or symbolic to them that may include other stones than diamonds, engravings or patterns that have personal significance. Many times rings like these are sold or custom designed as sets with an engagement ring and wedding band made for each other that are then attached together by a jeweler after the wedding. For example my parents rings; my mother's engagement ring is a flat gold cutout scrollwork band and her wedding bands is small diamonds and rubies channel set into a gold band. My dad's wedding band is a thicker version of my mother's engagement ring. The mold used to make their rings was broken after their rings were cast and their rings were still less expensive than a single traditional solitaire engagement ring.

    Rings like my parents' are good for people who don't want to go the "traditional" route or if, like my mom, the girl dislikes tall standing rings. But really any stone or material can be used for rings (titanium and tungsten are trending materials for men's rings right now) it's all a matter of personal preference and personal meaning.


    there are also promise or posey rings but those are another matter entirely!


    Anyways; good luck!!!!



    if any of my information is incorrect I'm sorry; I'm just saying what I know based on some internet reading and talking to friends and family

  5. #5

    Default

    You have squarely identified one of the requirements here: she doesn't really like "tall" rings, and these will interfere with her daily activities. Both these factors come into play in gem cut/setting selection.

    Ideally, I would like to commission a mold and the ring to be a fish winding around her finger, but all the examples I've seen are pretty vulgar and clumsy. Unfortunately, she is the best artist I know (sorry, Sila), so no real luck there if I want this to be a surprise (I'll just have to have someone else draw this up).

    Thanks for your response; it sounds like your mom's ring is along the same lines as one that I think would be best here.



    Quote Originally Posted by LittleMiss View Post
    A engagement ring is "typically" a diamond solitaire sent into white gold, yellow gold or platinum. There are two usual options for the solitaire ring. Either you choose a setting&band and present her with the finished ring at proposal or you have a plain setting and band and then you both go together to pick a setting and band which will compliment your wedding bands which you will also pick. A wedding ring is complimentary to the engagement ting and is usually either a plain metal band, a designed metal band such as with scrollwork or knot work or a band with channel set diamonds along with an accent stone. Typically sapphires, rubies or emeralds.

    The engagement ring is usually given along with the proposal of marriage and the girl wears the engagement ring until the wedding where it is either replaced by, or joined with the wedding ring. A man typically does not wear an engagement ring, only a wedding band after marriage.


    Now all that stuff up there is just the "traditional" fancy shmancy stuff. Previous to the diamond solitaire it was traditional to give the girl a family heirloom ring, generally the grandmother's ring that had been resized. This was generally used as the engagement ring and the couple would choose whether or not to add a wedding band to it.

    Now a lot of people are starting to depart from the diamond solitaire and use rings that are meaningful or symbolic to them that may include other stones than diamonds, engravings or patterns that have personal significance. Many times rings like these are sold or custom designed as sets with an engagement ring and wedding band made for each other that are then attached together by a jeweler after the wedding. For example my parents rings; my mother's engagement ring is a flat gold cutout scrollwork band and her wedding bands is small diamonds and rubies channel set into a gold band. My dad's wedding band is a thicker version of my mother's engagement ring. The mold used to make their rings was broken after their rings were cast and their rings were still less expensive than a single traditional solitaire engagement ring.

    Rings like my parents' are good for people who don't want to go the "traditional" route or if, like my mom, the girl dislikes tall standing rings. But really any stone or material can be used for rings (titanium and tungsten are trending materials for men's rings right now) it's all a matter of personal preference and personal meaning.


    Anyways; good luck!!!!



    if any of my information is incorrect I'm sorry; I'm just saying what I know based on some internet reading and talking to friends and family

  6. #6

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by h3g3l View Post
    You have squarely identified one of the requirements here: she doesn't really like "tall" rings, and these will interfere with her daily activities. Both these factors come into play in gem cut/setting selection.

    Ideally, I would like to commission a mold and the ring to be a fish winding around her finger, but all the examples I've seen are pretty vulgar and clumsy. Unfortunately, she is the best artist I know (sorry, Sila), so no real luck there if I want this to be a surprise (I'll just have to have someone else draw this up).

    Thanks for your response; it sounds like your mom's ring is along the same lines as one that I think would be best here.
    LittleMiss did a great job explaining all of this so there is little I can add, except this. I did give my wife my grandmother's engagement right and wedding ring. My grandmother married a jeweler, so they were beautiful rings with high quality, large diamonds. In this case, my wife loved them. But there are many other options. My one suggestion is that I've seen two piece rings, one engagement and one wedding, and they lock together. I believe you can get them without a raised stone.

    My wedding ring, which is not expensive, has a diagonal cut in the ring, and three small diamonds are mounted in the cut. A good jeweler should be able to show you a lot of samples. Great on the good news, by the way!

  7. #7

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by h3g3l View Post
    You have squarely identified one of the requirements here: she doesn't really like "tall" rings, and these will interfere with her daily activities. Both these factors come into play in gem cut/setting selection.

    Ideally, I would like to commission a mold and the ring to be a fish winding around her finger, but all the examples I've seen are pretty vulgar and clumsy. Unfortunately, she is the best artist I know (sorry, Sila), so no real luck there if I want this to be a surprise (I'll just have to have someone else draw this up).

    Thanks for your response; it sounds like your mom's ring is along the same lines as one that I think would be best here.
    There's a company Greenlake Jewelry that does a lot of custom work. Design Your Own Ring & Custom Jewelry, Unique Engagement Rings, Unusual Wedding Bands, Personalized Jewelry with Green Lake Jewelry Works They run on the expensive side due to everything being custom made but everything really is custom. They have designers that you can work with to produce a concept sketch for the jewelry or you can send them concept work and have them refine it into an elegant ring design. My dad had them make my mom's 20th anniversary ring that he designed and he said that they were very pleasant to work with

  8. #8
    Peachy

    Default

    I didn't realize there were specific customs for engagements. At least when someone mentions the (German equivalent) term of "engagement" to me it always sounds like we're talking about the 1950s here. With relationships changing so quickly these days, people have little time or incentive to go through a "rehearsal stage" before marriage.

    That said, I'm wondering who you're buying the ring for. Obviously, for your girl, but why would 'traditions' matter in that case? What should matter is what she likes, and surely, we cannot tell you that because we don't know her. It seems to me that the engagement ring must also be part of an image you want to portray to the outside world. And that's what you shouldn't really do. Marriage is an act between two people, and while it's understandable to make the world know that she's your wife, it won't change anything between you two. Make sure you two like the rings, and that'S all that counts.

    As for wedding rings: My bro and his wife got two unique rings that fit perfectly onto each other. THey have little holes and bolts like modern-day keys, and if you put both rings next to each other they combine to one single smooth surfaced ring. I thought that was a really brilliant idea. The individual ring symbolizes that the person is taken, while you need the other's specific ring to match your own to make a perfect math.

    Peachy

  9. #9

    Default

    One requirement of finding something that we like is exposure, and that's what I was looking for here (thanks, LittleMiss!). Another is figuring out that I have the correct number of rings all figured out, as it is apparently more complicated than a wedding band for each person. There are matching sets, unmatched sets, piecemeal rings (a la carte), and probably other configurations of rings and when the rings are bought/presented.

    The engagement ring is for her, but the issue is that neither one of us has a very clear notion about what we like, other than not liking the common diamond ring. What we do know that we don't want to spend an obscene amount of money on this--it boggles the mind that one can easily spend on a ring what a down-payment on a house (or a dent in student loans) costs. There are a few requirements, but aside from this, the choices are still myriad.

    Insofar as a public-facing message, neither one of us is worked up about it: fidelity doesn't require a ring, and a ring does not mean fidelity. A ring does not change who someone is or what they will think or do. An engagement ring is not for us part of an outward notice of "taken-ness;" it is a gift that we give to signify we'd like to spend the rest of our lives together, and one given in crystallization of the moment. I'm amused at the notion of an effective dowry still existing in our world (over here) today, but I still want to get her something that she can wear and enjoy for the rest of her life. Something that she can remember me by when I'm dead and gone, as there will be many years of that.

    Here, unlike Germany, it is traditional [for the man] to buy two rings rather than moving the single ring from one hand to the other. And, yes, there are very specific customs for engagements--at least, this is what people would have you believe. As for us, everything would be fine if we got twist-ties for each other, but I would like to at least be able to buy (or know what I would buy, could I afford it) one permanent thing that is just for her and not essential to survival.



    Quote Originally Posted by Peachy View Post
    I didn't realize there were specific customs for engagements. At least when someone mentions the (German equivalent) term of "engagement" to me it always sounds like we're talking about the 1950s here. With relationships changing so quickly these days, people have little time or incentive to go through a "rehearsal stage" before marriage.

    That said, I'm wondering who you're buying the ring for. Obviously, for your girl, but why would 'traditions' matter in that case? What should matter is what she likes, and surely, we cannot tell you that because we don't know her. It seems to me that the engagement ring must also be part of an image you want to portray to the outside world. And that's what you shouldn't really do. Marriage is an act between two people, and while it's understandable to make the world know that she's your wife, it won't change anything between you two. Make sure you two like the rings, and that'S all that counts.

    As for wedding rings: My bro and his wife got two unique rings that fit perfectly onto each other. THey have little holes and bolts like modern-day keys, and if you put both rings next to each other they combine to one single smooth surfaced ring. I thought that was a really brilliant idea. The individual ring symbolizes that the person is taken, while you need the other's specific ring to match your own to make a perfect math.

    Peachy

  10. #10

    Default Engagement and Wedding Ring options

    There are no rules these days so it's up to you both whether you have a ring or not. An alternative to diamonds could be a precious gem, maybe an emerald or sapphire? Wedding bands are available with all types of stones - grain set or channel set - with diamonds or gemstones. The options are endless.....and there are no traditions anymore.

    Good luck
    Carli



    Diamond Rings, Platinum Engagement Rings, Wedding Rings | Diamond Rings Online UK

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