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Thread: Thinking about bringing a date for a wedding, but having second thoughts.

  1. #1

    Default Thinking about bringing a date for a wedding, but having second thoughts.

    So, I'm thinking about bringing a date for my cousin's wedding in July.
    I had plans to bring my lifelong (since 1993) friend, a woman aged 23. We went to elementary and high school together, did stuff, and we even dated briefly from October 2009 to January 2010. (we broke up for reasons I do not care to discuss, none of which were ABDL-related) I always thought she was cute and adorable, and she's sweet to me. I love her. My mother and I regard her as a part of the family. She also happens to be a heavier-set girl, a trait which I tend to favor in women. Nevertheless, she never failed to look cute and charming, and she dressed attractively.

    She has always been a bit of an outsider, not really yielding much to the whims of others. I like that in a woman.

    Lately, though, I've been starting to see a seamy side of her. She's been cutting her hair in ludicrous hairstyles, drinking heavily and abusing drugs, hanging out with dysfunctional and/or maladjusted people (though occasionally I successfully get her to share my convictions). She has been on a tattoo and piercing frenzy, not that it's a bad thing, but consider that one of the tattoos on her arm is a six-shooter pistol with 'FAT BITCH' on the barrel. In her words:

    "It's my weapon of choice, it has the inscription 'FAT BITCH' in it which are words I've had thrown at me for years and have always had a negative connotation. Now I'm making those words into a powerful weapon to fight with."

    I can just imagine my 88-year-old, socially conservative grandmother checking out her ink and seeing 'FAT BITCH' on a barrel of a embarrassing!

    The wedding reception calls for formal attire and is a rather small gathering at a 19th century Victorian-style bed and breakfast. I would really like to bring her, because I've spoken highly of her to my family. Unfortunately, given the outrageously unflattering hairdo and offensive ink, I might not. It kills me because I hate to act so shallow and she is my best friend. My mother has complicated things by mentioning to her that I had considered bringing her, and now I feel obliged. I am currently considering a multitude of options, including bringing someone else. It fair to say that it's a moral predicament of sorts.

  2. #2


    If the gathering is meant to be a small family affair, you can simply go by yourself. You are not obliged to take her with you, even if your mother did tell her that you might.

  3. #3


    Quote Originally Posted by ayanna View Post
    If the gathering is meant to be a small family affair, you can simply go by yourself. You are not obliged to take her with you, even if your mother did tell her that you might.
    That's a thought, but I am afraid that reception is going to be boring, mostly because I won't be able to talk to anybody for more than 5 minutes (everyone wants to congratulate the bride and groom, you know). I basically want to bring someone I know so that I won't get bored, but also someone who has presentable appearances.

  4. #4


    principles, honor and ethics can be most inconvenient at times. but these are the mark of Integrity in an individual...... and are respected by others of the same quality.
    what ever you do, it's the reason that is important. regardless of the outcome...

  5. #5


    My first thought was, 'As long as you aren't the groom, a date shouldn't matter,' but never mind...
    Have you considered asking her to wear sleeves? That would help with the tattoo at least.

  6. #6


    Honestly, I would take her, and that's that. If she is truly the friend you wrote about with such high regard in the first paragraph, then you need to stand by her, more so now then ever. She obviously is going through some issues that are manifesting themselves in wild ink/piercing/hair styles, and drug/alcohol abuse. She's already been hinted at an invitation, and for you to back down now, because you're ashamed of her appearance, could be fairly traumatic for her. So long as she isn't going to get wildly drunk and cause a scene, then to hell with appearances. I understand it's high-brow, and from the sounds of it, in fairly conservative company, but that's not what matters here. Even at the most conservative weddings I've been to, there's always a few that didn't get the memo, and that's fine. To hold back on her because you're afraid of what granny might say, then maybe it's time to tell grandma that the world grew up around her, and people are now allowed to be themselves, regardless of what others think.

  7. #7


    The person you really should be talking to about this is your friend. Tell her you'd really like to take her to this wedding, but that a formal appearance is expected of the guests. She'll either say, "screw them if they don't like me as I am", or she'll say, "I understand and will shock you with how beautiful and respectful I can be." The path she chooses will tell you a lot about her character.

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