Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: Purging/ Throwing away - BF seems to have same cycle

  1. #1

    Default Purging/ Throwing away - BF seems to have same cycle

    Hi.. I introduced myself in a couple threads but I'll give u some info about me before I posted thread.. I am 31, male and gay. I have been in a relationship for 12 years with the same guy..

    Ok now to the Q:

    We have all experienced the guilty feeling of wearing diapers and I am sure we have all, at least once, thrown away our collection.. I have done this about 10 times over the past 8 years.

    I met and started dating my BF in 1999 and I didn't tell him about the diapers until 2003. He was the first person I had ever told.. Also up until 2003 I had never purchased diapers from the store. I would either make my own or "fantisize" about wearing.

    My BF was very understanding even more so then I expected. That same day we went to the store and I bought some diapers. Through trial and error I learned what baby diapers fit and I learned Goodnites were perfect.

    For the first few years I had a lot of guilt and constantly threw away diapers and other things. I wanted to wear them all the time but couldn't force myself to be ok with it.. Eventually I was more comfortable about them and started to wear diapers to sleep.

    The odd thing was the more comfortable I became with the diapers my BF seemed to be more uncomfortable. It went from "I don't care" and u can wear diaper, footed pajamas or whatever I wanted around the house to him not wanting me to.

    Then the dreaded conversations started about me wearing them. I, like many others, go through the "cycle" when I will wear diapers for a week straight 24/7 which my BC didn't care about until recently.

    I also wore diapers out all the time (under my clothes). And I made sure the diapers would not be seen. I love wearing diapers when I go out to run errands or go places.

    A few weeks ago my BF told me he didn't want me wearing under clothes anymore In public and he also said that he prefer I always wear shorts/pants if I have one on around the house.

    The conversation came out of no where and was a complete 360 from how he felt before. I told him I would never want to make him feel uncomfortable and tried to understand why he changed all of the sudden.

    He claims he can hear the goodnites every time I wear one and he worried people in public will hear them too. I don't think they r noisy or noticeable and I have never been seen or caught in public wearing one..

    Seems like my BF has the same type of purge cycle that I have but in reverse order. I have become more comfortable as he has become more uncomfortable. Has this happened to anyone else? Or anyone have advice?

  2. #2


    Hello GoodnitesEveryDay! Sounds like you're having a couple relationship wise issues which seem pretty manageable. I'll do my best in seeing how I can help ya here..

    To sum up what you said...

    If I understood correctly, the main issue your having here is your partner is becoming increasingly uncomfortable (and controlling) the more you enjoy your AB/DL side. I wouldn't say it's so much of a "cycle" but a comfort zone for him that was before ok, but is not okay anymore. You're minimal wearing and indulging was his comfort zone before and level of tolerance he had for it, and now it seems his level of comfort with it and his tolerance doesn't expand to level you want it to be. I had a partner before that was okay slightly with my need for submission (being bitten, told what do, ect.) but if I asked for anything more beyond that, it was a breach of her comfort zone and her tolerance as far as it was willing to go. That was that boundary I hit with her.

    So how can you approach the issue?

    If you haven't already done so, sit down and talk with him on how he feels about it and why. Use communication techniques such as Active Listening and Mirroring so you process what he is saying, and he feels like his need to be listened to on the issue is met. It also helps keep conversations like that level headed and on track. Once that is all out on the table, ask him then what is you would like from him and explain your own feelings. It's important not to directly accuse, just explain how you feel when it happens in a matter-of-fact way. Then ask what is you would like more from him, and see if you can negotiate more on the matter. It might take a couple conversations, but opening up that door to more understanding will help you out a lot. Also expect there are some things he will just not be comfortable with. I should stress that in no way does your partner dictate on what you are allowed and not allowed to do. If they insist upon that fact, that's not a healthy thing. They may not accept it, but they can at least tolerate to the point where you are happy if they are willing to go that far. There should be a happy level of give and take concerning that, and your partner should be mature enough to say how far he's willing to go. If this ends up being a huge deal breaker and you can't solve the issue, sit down and re-evaluate what the relationship is to you.

    A lot of other members have had issues with partners in a similar manner. So hopefully that helps in anyway.


  3. #3


    I followed what you said completely until the last statement. I don't believe your bf has a cycle. I believe he doesn't like them at all and he's just being more vocal about it now. Hopefully I'm wrong, but this sounds like a make-or-break wedge issue. I wouldn't stay with somebody who couldn't accept me for who I am, life is too short for that noise.

  4. #4


    You mentioned that for a long time you weren't comfortable wearing diapers a lot and would go long periods of time without expressing this side of yourself and even throw stuff away.... its possible that even though he mentioned being fine with everything, he still may have been slightly surprised when you starting wearing diapers all the time, and starting feeling a little uncomfortable with it despite what he said. Sometimes our opinions and feelings change when something we're told about goes from just a piece of information, or something we only occasionally experience, to something we see and experience all the time. I would say its definitely a fixable situation though- just talk to him. Ask him why he's suddenly uncomfortable with you doing things he said he was fine with before, and see if an agreement can be reached about wearing that will make both of you happy. I'm sure it can be worked out!

  5. #5


    Sorry I didn't really clarify for the first 5-6 years after he found out he was off and on about them.. He didn't care if I wore them out, to bed or even during sex.. Then a few months later he would.. Then he wouldn't care. There are times were We would be at the store, walk by the diaper section and he would make a joke (being playful). This happened about 2-3 times a year. Meant to add this in but I started to ramble.

  6. #6


    Quote Originally Posted by GoodnitesEveryDay View Post
    Sorry I didn't really clarify for the first 5-6 years after he found out he was off and on about them.. He didn't care if I wore them out, to bed or even during sex.. Then a few months later he would.. Then he wouldn't care. There are times were We would be at the store, walk by the diaper section and he would make a joke (being playful). This happened about 2-3 times a year. Meant to add this in but I started to ramble.
    I still think it would be rather prudent to talk to him on what's going on, since that will give you a more definitive answer on why he feels the way he does. I'm just going off intuition, experience I've had with previous partners, and experience dealing with similar matters.

    With that added detail, It just sounds like your partner can be very fickle or he's tired of the same old diaper stuff. That's my guess with the info. I suppose that's similar to a cycle, someone that can be fickle like that is often fickle in other areas of the relationship. Or he just is tired of it.

    Either way that's an issue on matters of comfort zones established before are giving you both instability. Come to a solid agreement on the matter, so your're not guessing if he's going to change his mind in 4 days or 4 weeks afterward. And if you he wants to change something, tell him to communicate to you about it, so you know.

    So like I said, if you haven't yet, sit down and talk to him about it.
    Last edited by Geno; 06-May-2012 at 15:41. Reason: bad analogy

  7. #7


    i haven't wanted to butt in here, but.....

    having had my share of, and been around enough young gay relationships. has it ever occurred to you that your boy-friend sees your body as (forgive the expression) eye-candy. take a moment and let that sink in. sex for many men can be very much about what they see. what does your boy-friend see in you? simply put, does he see what he wants to see, or what he once saw, or what he needs to see to become aroused..... maybe your diaper is changing what your boy-friend sees and his ability to become aroused by what he sees. but maybe not, it's just a thought.......

  8. #8


    Littlelodgewrecker does have a point! i hope its not the case tho and that this situation can be easily resolved. Fingers crossed for you bud

Similar Threads

  1. Throwing your used diaper out a car window!
    By discodiaper in forum Diaper Talk
    Replies: 46
    Last Post: 20-Nov-2010, 03:08
  2. purging
    By daria7483 in forum Adult Babies & Littles
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 26-Aug-2008, 06:53

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  • - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community. is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.