Long time lurker, not too new to the *B/DL scene- just looking for a place to go to talk to people about it. It's a pain having to bottle it up, you know?
My name is RainbowLittle. Why, is to follow.
I love rainbows. Not just because I'm the queerest thing on two feet, but because they're awesome. I wear rainbows 5 our of 7 days a week, because rainbows.
Also, I'm a little. I've been quite out-of-the-closet about my little-ness for quite some time- my girlfriend (kink-aware, really supportive) knows, as does my whole group of friends I hang our with. For me, being a little is less about regression for sexual pleasure and more about comfort and being myself. I never got to experience my childhood to the full extent many others had, and I guess this is my inner-child's way of saying "HEY! I need a chance to grow, too!"
I know this forum is about *B/DL, so you're probably saying, "Why is she here?"
I've had DL tendencies for the past 7 or so years (that I have noticed). I have been wearing diapers for about 4 of those years, on and off- I wore them a lot through high school, and fell out of the scene after being caught by my mother about 3 years ago. I repressed the urge to even look at diapers in the store (which was pretty difficult), but it really became a huge burden on me. I finally broke down about two months ago, buying my first pack of Goodnites in three years.
And I finally slept well that night.
But some of the burden still exists. My girlfriend knows I'm a little (I sleep with my stuffed bear, and generally act like a child 80% of the time), and knows I like diapers. She doesn't know just how much I like diapers, because it's a huge squick for her. She can sort-of deal with my just liking them for sexual or kinky reasons, but any notion of me needing them for comfort or and *B/littles stuff past the mannerisms and bear seem to be farther than she's willing to go. But she's made stretches to her limits for me in the past, who's to say she won't again?
Anyways, I'm rambling a bit. Point is, I feel like I have no one to talk to about the desires past being a little. I love wearing diapers- the feel, the comfort is great. I like wetting diapers, but it usually becomes a sexual thing- which I;m partially ashamed of. I hate to bring sexuality into my "littles-self", because I yearn for the innocent-ness. The truth is, I'm not innocent- I'm 21 (almost..) and as much as I desire to be innocent, some of my cracked innocence will always follow me.
I recently started sleeping and working at the computer with a pacifier, again. Now that I'm living on my own, I can get away with wearing when I want, and doing whatever, sort of.
I don't see myself as an adult baby, because I'm not a baby. I'm not sure how old I am on the inside- I want to say toddler to child. I always say I'm 9, but I feel like I could be younger- maybe 6 or 7.
But I don't know. That's what I'm here to find out- where I fit in. Perhaps I'll find someone like me?