it sounds so stoopid saying it but today a close friend,sara has pointed out the fact that i am too nice to people.that i cant say no and i dodge confrountation.it came about when a guy i cant stand asked me and afew guys to help him move and i dropped everything to do just that.i see her point in telling me that but i dont understand it.i dont think i am nice at all much less too nice.
i am covered in tats/piercings and all sorts of other body mod stuff,curse like a salor and will walk up to you and scream god is dead if you try to pass out pamphlets about your saviour. i dont like alot of people and keep walls up between me and the world around me.it was a survival skill for years when i was addicted.
it just seems silly.i have had every bone in my head broken in fights,eyesocket and cheek bones five times two skull fractures and seventeen nose fractures.the thought of kindness is almost a novilty but you cant deny humanity.
every day i have to make a concious effort to not offend people with my actions but i strive to be nicer.hold the door open for people,just smile and nod when someone asks "how are you today" at speedway.god knows i want to tell them how my day is but i dont want to shit on there good day too.if you need bus fare and i got a buck its yours.i am not greedy. the things i value in life do not line up with alot of people around me
but to think i am too nice is unthinkable.kindness today is a uncommon act from what i see around me.i honestly dont know why those words bother me so much but they do.you are too nice...you are a pushover...i am sorry if i just wasted five minutes of your life with my bullshit but i need somewhere to vent and this is about it for me.
has anyone here delt with similar? what did you do about it?
sorry about my spelling,it sucks i know.