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Thread: Spoke about anal sex with my girlfriend.

  1. #1

    Lightbulb Spoke about anal sex with my girlfriend.

    Hi guys,

    Just a quick post on the topic of giving anal sex.

    I've seen it in videos and I think I'm interested. I spoke to my girlfriend about it and she bluntly said no, she even went as far as to say 'you might as well be gay.' I think what she meant by that was if I'm gonna stick up her bum, I might as well be doing it to a man.

    Anal sex is undoubtedly off the table for what seems like for good. Has anyone else had a similar experience, and what did you do next? I don't want to push it on her at all, but I'm 19 and think if I can't experience things like this now then I never will.

    P.S. What I meant 'I think I'm interested' is that I like the idea of it, but I'm unsure if I will like the reality. Does anyone else feel the same way?


  2. #2


    lol you might want to start her on sex toys, anal sex is a bit of a jump at 18/19/20, you might offer to fill one of her fantasies it's no guarantee you'll get anything back but it's a start.

    Also let it rumble through her head for a while it's surprising how little ideas can snowball over months or years she could turn round and demand it from you in the future, or buy a strap on to try it on you, who knows.

  3. #3


    Sounds like your rather curious about experimentation in other realms of sex which is normal, but you also have to realize the needs and boundaries of your partner and some of the things they just will not do because they are uncomfortable with it and/or hate the idea. I'm actually surprised your're not more taken aback by her rudeness and belittlement of you, considering the response of "you might as well be gay" which is entirely ridiculous, but also shows her very rigid zone of comfort when it comes to sex.

    I've had partners in the past were just somethings were off the table, except they never spoke that rude to me back on it and merely said "I'm just uncomfortable with the idea honey, thanks for understanding.". Many here in the AB/DL community can attest to that in relation to age play. Unfortunately you are just going to have to accept this aspect of your partner. You can't push her, and you can't change her. She's already communicated to you how she feels. If she in the future communicates differently it is on her, not you. If you can't deal with this aspect of your partner, find another. Her level of rigidness makes me hesitant to say seek a compromise, but it's not going to happen in your case given the info.

    but I'm 19 and think if I can't experience things like this now then I never will.
    I'm 22 years old dude and I've got years ahead of me to experience all kinds of stuff, as will you. You will be frankly surprised.
    Last edited by Geno; 30-Apr-2012 at 00:15.

  4. #4


    yeah dude your jumpiing the gun a little, you have to do that slowly or just forget it.

  5. #5


    Quote Originally Posted by Geno View Post
    I'm 22 years old dude and I've got years ahead of me to experience all kinds of stuff, as will you. You will be frankly surprised.
    seconded I'm 21 and with any luck I've got at least twice that long to learn all the naughty stuff that I like ^_^ and just cause I've found it doesn't mean I'm going to stand still over it, take your time and savour everything ^_^ big changes and tiny little steps

  6. #6


    (This is all before I started my transition.) My most recent ex and I never had vaginal sex (she's a virgin and I haven't been for quite a few years now, but I'm always the submissive one) and she'd always turn down anal, but we'd always rub when we got excited. It usually ended with a necessary shower, but one time it ended up in her end. She was shocked at first, and I didn't even know what happened, but she quickly changed her mind about it. However, she wasn't too keen on that happening again, sooo... Moral of the story, I guess, is that it's understandable if your girlfriend doesn't want anal. I personally wouldn't mind if it wasn't too rough, but it really depends on the person. However, in my opinion, anal is better than nothing, and it is interesting to at least try (don't bug her about it, but if you ever have the chance, take it for the sake of fun!), but if you're looking for pleasure, vaginal sex is the best you'll get. Just be careful!

  7. #7


    You can't push people on that stuff esp. if you have never done any toy experimentation in that area, it can be extremely pleasurable for both parties if done right, and requires both parties involved to want to do it for it be a good experience, and even then it can still hurt. And when I say experienced I mean experienced if you don't warm up properly and take it slow like three hours slow sometimes of what some would call foreplay, lite small insertion, finger massaging the area, licking etc... and key note a fleet enema or the equivalent before anal small clean water enema before are really necessary, to keep things clean and fun and all of the above are necessary to relax the area properly many times, licking is optional but many people do find it intensely pleasurable and that it does help them relax a lot better. Also be liberal with a good lube, or there will not just be a chance of pain, but rather a guarantee of it without proper lubrication,warning graphic
    So when I say I am experienced with anal I mean it. I like anal and now have 14 yrs of experience with starting from thirteen to now 27, and still require warm up time or it is painful, so I understand that some people may be uncomfortable with it so don't push it.

  8. #8


    Thanks for all the feedback, it really does make me realise that I do have nearly a lifetime of trying things out and I shouldn't really be that fussed if she's not into it.

    I forgot to leave out some back story that probably would make it clearer. Me and my girlfriend have been together for nearly three years, we've tried different things, but nothing major.
    When she did make the comment I was quite disgruntled but I didn't want it to show because of any friction it would cause.

    DylanK, you never know. Hopefully with time she might decide she wants to try anal play, but if she's not into it then it's fine. I love more than just her bum .

  9. #9


    Here's the deal on anal sex.

    It takes time, it takes a willingness on both sides, and it's going to take a long time to get used to.

    There is so much involved with anal sex in terms of preparation. It's not as if you're just going to be able to "stick your dick in and go nuts". You first need to make sure you BOTH want to try, not just you. Second, you need to be prepared for several things. A) It's going to hurt the first time, B) It's going to require preparation in the form of 'cleaning out' (see below), and C) the first time your partner tries anal, it is less likely to be your member inside her, and more likely to be to be a sex toy.

    We'll come back to A in a minute.

    B) Preperation: Unless you don't mind the idea of pulling out from her and your penis is slightly more brown than it used to be, there is going to have to be some major cleaning out involved. This usually takes the form of an enema or douche. They are really the only two ways of cleaning out that are remotely safe. And it's going to take a couple of goes before it's properly clean inside there. Be prepared for her to exit the bathroom with a disgruntled look on her face after that experience (spoilers: It's not the most pleasurable.)

    C) Sex Toys: Dependent on how badly she's going to react to have something stretching out her behind incredibly wide over a prolonged period of time (as opposed to the short period of time it usually takes when on the toilet), she's going to have to practice, and she's not going to want you involved. Fingering in my experience can make you feel pressured to submit to the desires of the partner that wants it in the first place, so her best choice would be to get a cheap sex toy and practise on her own. More likely than not, she's going to be very agitated after that first experience, unless she's very VERY sensitive internally. She'll probably take a lot of time to get used to it, and only after she feels comfortable with something of a regular or slightly small size will she be willing to try it with you. Frustrating yes, but necessary.

    Finally, back to my first point: It's going to hurt. I'm not just saying for her case, excessive tightness can cause pain to the person "giving" as well as it can to the person receiving. Even with a LOT of lubricant, it's going to hurt the first time, and who know, you might not end up liking it as much as you think you will. A condom is also essential, so if you have any sort of problem with condoms, now would be the time to disregard them.

    IF these points can be followed, and she is perfectly willing to go along with it, and you will help her feel comfortable about the idea, then you'll probably get your chance. A very high percentage of women these days are willing to try anal, but do not pressure her just for your sexual gratification.

    Take of leave this post as you will, I'm just throwing my 2 cents in.

  10. #10


    me and my ex-wife had a try anything once policy when it came to the bedroom but anal was one of those things that never happened twice, even though we both wanted to try it we both hated it was a bit awkward for about a week after

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