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Thread: Please help me. :s

  1. #1

    Default Please help me. :s

    I love my boyfriend with all of my heart, I really do, but I have a big problem. Before we started dating I let him know that I was bisexual, and sometimes I would mess around with two of my very trusted best friends (who are now in a civil union). He said he wasn't really sure how he would feel about that if we got together because that seemed like cheating to him. Well I thought about it and at the time I just thought we could come to a compromise or something before we got together if ever we did. Well a month later we did get together but the problem is that my bisexuality was not discussed farther. I know that I have nobody to blame but myself for this. I have just kept quiet, but lately it has become an actual problem for me. I've tried to get the courage to ask him if he would please let me do some things with my friends (whom he has met) every so often but everytime I start to bring it up he just seems to get really disappointed and I can't stand to see him upset but the problem is that I'm upset too. He knows that they are in a committed relationship and they would never steal my love away from him. I just crave a little vagina every so often. it's just too much for me to ask of him though. What can I possibly do? ;~;

  2. #2


    To be honest, I can see why that would be considered cheating. I've had some "relations" with a friend of mine, but he left me high and dry when he got a girlfriend (twice, actually) because he said it would be cheating. I was a bit disappointed, but I can see where he was coming from. The only thing I can think of that you might try is asking your boyfriend if he would be open to the idea of a ménage à trois. I figure many guys wouldn't mind having a threesome with two girls, and that way you could get your fix as well.

  3. #3


    I have tried that as well. Unfortunately, he is not comfortable with himself enough to try that. He says the thought of it scares him. :[ I do respect that, but really it was the only thing i could propose as I compromise so I guess I'm screwed. the thought that I will never have a vagina in my life again is honestly making me a bit sad...

  4. #4


    Well, then, it sounds like you have two options: somehow manage to make him more comfortable about himself to be willing to try it (obviously, this would take time and may not necessarily work), or give up on vagina for as long as you're together with your boyfriend. It sucks, though - you're stuck between a rock and a hard place at the moment. :S

    I'd be curious to see what other ADISCers have to say about this, because it's entirely possible that we're completely missing a third option.

  5. #5


    I don't know, I've thought about it for quite some time and really haven't come across much. But I am just one brain. I've asked for opinions elsewhere but I've just been called a jerk. >.< Which i can kind of agree with, yeah. But maybe he's just being too clingy. I don't know. Being bisexual kind of sucks sometimes. :[

  6. #6


    I can definitely see where you're coming from - you have an itch that your boyfriend simply can't scratch. It's sort of like us AB/DLs - we have an itch that only diapers can scratch, and it won't go away no matter what we do. I wouldn't say either you or your boyfriend are to blame here; it's simply an unfortunate situation for everyone involved.

  7. #7


    Yeah. I could have discussed it more before we rushed into things though. I probably really should have.

  8. #8


    When I married my wife, I made that complete commitment. Of course marriage is different from dating, but feelings don't differ. I'm sure if you have a meet up with your female friend, you are going to hurt your boyfriend, and that's something you should take seriously. My wife was pretty understanding of my attraction to males, and when I was young, sexual urges were more extreme. There were young males/friends who came around the house, and my wife knew I was attracted to them. We enjoyed each others company, and there was a little touching, but nothing more than that. A couple years later I simply gave it all up. Quite frankly, it made me feel miserable and depressed.

    For that reason, I think you are going to need to make some difficult choices. You can't walk all over someone else's feelings. Doing so, will hurt you as well. Love is a special thing, and it can be fragile. At the same time, nothing is more precious. If your boyfriend is the one you want to be with, be faithful to him. We all have to make sacrifices in life, and I can assure you, as we get older, the sacrifices become greater. As products of the 21st century, we think we can have it all. Some of us think we are entitled to have it all, but nothing could be further from the truth. Look for those things which are precious in life, and have value. If you have that, you are lucky indeed.

  9. #9


    I really don't want to hurt his feelings. I've done a lot of thinking about it though and you're quite right. I guess this is kind of a sacrifice I need to make, and after awhile maybe I'll just forget about the other gender all-together or maybe he'll become more confident about himself to where the idea of a threesome doesn't scare him so badly. I do want to marry this guy. He pretty much treats me like a princess, and even though I treat him just as nice I feel awful for even thinking about this. :[ I would never do anything behind his back or anything though, so there's that at least. Whatever we're in for, we'll be in it together. :3

  10. #10


    I think you and him need to sit down and talk. If hes holding anything back inside, you need to force it out. Even if it hurts or you may not like it, he should be honest. If its hard to talk to him or he doesn't want to talk about it much.... why not write letters to talk it out?? Letters is much easier and better to get things out as you can say it all on paper and there's no fear of interruptions and a yelling match before you can get what you want to say out.
    Is he really OK with this?? it sounds like hes not or maybe doesn't really understand. Has he met the other girl?? If not, maybe that's what bugging him. It might make him feel better if he met her.
    You need to be honest and so does he. Is he strictly a one on one type person?? (Meaning he doesn't want to share you at all). If so, then i think its best to just break it off with him if you can't have a one on one relationship with him but need both a boyfriend and girlfriend.
    It is possible he thought he would be alright with the whole thing but maybe he realize hes not. You should tell him to write you a honest letter... all his feelings and all that communication and honestly is the best thing to do in the relationship

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