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Thread: Gaining more understanding from my girlfriend

  1. #1

    Default Gaining more understanding from my girlfriend

    I could use some support from you guys about how to gain more support about my AB side from my girlfriend. I know this may have been asked numerous times but not every thread is quite the same. We have a really awesome relationship and have been dating for six months, we can share anything.

    But, the fact that we can share anything, and I've shared about this side of me, doesn't mean that it isn't an awkward subject sometimes. I know I don't let my AB side run my life and I don't use it as a way to solve my problems.

    She asked me if I it was something I would grow out of and if I'd be doing it when I'm older. I feel like there's still something that bothers her about it. I think she is still working through and trying to understand something she has never heard of.

    I know she won't dump me over it but I hate this side of me being such an awkward subject for us. I want her to embrace this side of me and understand that everyone has their quirks and differences.

    Does anyone have any wisdom for my situation?

    Thanks guys!

  2. #2

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    Wow, this sounds as though I wrote it. I am going to zero in on these pieces from your post:



    Quote Originally Posted by LittlePony View Post
    But, the fact that we can share anything, and I've shared about this side of me, doesn't mean that it isn't an awkward subject sometimes...She asked me if I it was something I would grow out of and if I'd be doing it when I'm older. I feel like there's still something that bothers her about it. I think she is still working through and trying to understand something she has never heard of...I want her to embrace this side of me and understand that everyone has their quirks and differences.
    Pretty much word for word, these are the issues which have, for lack of a better word, plagued my marriage. ABDLBFism is something that my wife had never heard of prior to me spilling my guts approximately one year into our relationship. Heck, I was still figuring things out at that point and I even had a huge jump on her. So, much like my wife, your girlfriend, even if we assumed she had no hang-ups about your 'little' side whatsoever, would still be playing catch up to reach the level of comfort you are at currently. You clearly understand this and are thereby on the right path. ^^

    It will always be awkward for the simple fact that we plug into it. We find comfort in that child-within, a feeling others can never really understand. It's like trying to explain falling in love or having your heart broken: you can put words to it, but unless the second party had a primary stake in the act, they can only understand in a logical sense, not so much an emotional one. That's where things start falling apart, since what we partake in isn't 'logical' to most people. It truly is emotional and as they don't find that same emotional fulfillment...you see where I'm going. Basically, it's a bit of a catch-22.

    Therefore, the only means of building some sort of bridge between you two on the matter is through love and the acceptance that comes with it. Going through the motions of baring my inner most feelings to my wife, especially over this last year, was arduous but it made me realize how much she truly loves me. I am not the most sexual guy; in fact, I think I could go the rest of my life without participating in 'relations' and be just fine. This makes things a bit difficult between the wife and me since A) she, understandably, needs that in the marriage and B) the way she felt appreciated and loved didn't match up to the means through which I did.

    We reached an impasse and the 'D' word was brought up alot. However, through much soul-searching, I realized that while I may never understand the concept of being so intimate with another human being and while I may not be the mature, strapping, virile husband she was looking for, we have come to understand that love is so much more than that. By trying to see things from her perspective and giving her what she needs in our relationship, she has relaxed with regards to my LF side, as well. I order AB clothing freely without having to hide it, I have my padding in the closet in plain sight and I wear whenever I want, whether she's home or not; in exchange, I try to take on more of the husband-ly tasks she expects of me.

    I think the quandary behind it all, the key you might be in search of, is that the best way to bring about acceptance of your ABDLism is to not stick it front and center between the two of you. In other words, if you make it an issue that needs to be tackled, it will overwhelm her. Even if you think you aren't pressing her on the matter (and trust me, I am not judging you at all...I was - and still can be - very much the same way...), merely having this issue become a factor in the relationship will likely make her panic about the other parts that make up the bond. Then, she'll begin to wonder if these will suddenly be altered in some way, as well.

    To alleviate these concerns, step back and focus on the other aspects of your relationship. She knows about your little side and, at this point, talking about it at great length won't likely get you anywhere. What you need to do is show her that you are still the guy she has always known and loved. From my experience, I found that by giving the ABDL issues a rest, at least in front of her, and going on with the day-to-day meanderings of marriage put her at ease because she was able to see that I was still they boy she fell in love with long ago. Thusly, she relaxed with regards to the relationship and suddenly, me being a littlefur wasn't such a catastrophe.

    It will always be a struggle, at some times more than others; that's just the facts. It's not what I, or any of us, wish for, but that's the nature of being who we are. Not everyone gets it, but they don't have to. Even if they completely understood it, that's not the matter at stake here. A relationship is grounded in understanding and being able to relate on an quirky topic - be it infantilism or any other issue you can imagine - doesn't matter; it's the acceptance of the other person that puts all these matters to rest.

    Bottom line: it's the love that will pull you through this and no amount of reasoning or rationale can bring that sentiment about. Rather, it will take a combination of actions proving you are still who she always thought you were and simply the passage of time. These together will place the matter into perspective instead of zeroing in on this one trait. Surely, that will be a much easier pill for her to swallow; it will likely always have a bit of a bitter aftertaste, but love will help wash that away. In time, she will see it as simply another part of you and your collective struggle through it will be one of the many chapters you will write as a couple.

    I wish you both the very best! You will be in my thoughts. ^_^

  3. #3

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    You said you've only been dating for six months? I think if you've told her recently or even in the beginning, that she needs time. it's not an easy thing to digest, so don't push it. You say the relationship is good, or (awesome) so as the saying goes don't fix what ain't broke. lol (ik very clichè but true) I know its hard to wait with this. You just want them to be ok with it or even better want to take part. But I think it's important that you do wait and take it slow, let her set the pace. You'll know when shes ready. It's not something that's easy to accept. I know alot of times at least for me we get into relationships and we want to push it so that it's accepted, or even participated. While some people are lucky enough that it happens fast or someone really gets into right from the get go. that's most the time not the case. So personally I think patience is your best bet if you think its bothering her though you might need to sit down and talk about it. I hope this helps and good luck!

  4. #4

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by onecho View Post
    Wow, this sounds as though I wrote it. I am going to zero in on these pieces from your post:
    I think the quandary behind it all, the key you might be in search of, is that the best way to bring about acceptance of your ABDLism is to not stick it front and center between the two of you. In other words, if you make it an issue that needs to be tackled, it will overwhelm her. Even if you think you aren't pressing her on the matter (and trust me, I am not judging you at all...I was - and still can be - very much the same way...), merely having this issue become a factor in the relationship will likely make her panic about the other parts that make up the bond. Then, she'll begin to wonder if these will suddenly be altered in some way, as well.

    To alleviate these concerns, step back and focus on the other aspects of your relationship. She knows about your little side and, at this point, talking about it at great length won't likely get you anywhere. What you need to do is show her that you are still the guy she has always known and loved. From my experience, I found that by giving the ABDL issues a rest, at least in front of her, and going on with the day-to-day meanderings of marriage put her at ease because she was able to see that I was still they boy she fell in love with long ago. Thusly, she relaxed with regards to the relationship and suddenly, me being a littlefur wasn't such a catastrophe.

    Bottom line: it's the love that will pull you through this and no amount of reasoning or rationale can bring that sentiment about. Rather, it will take a combination of actions proving you are still who she always thought you were and simply the passage of time. These together will place the matter into perspective instead of zeroing in on this one trait. Surely, that will be a much easier pill for her to swallow; it will likely always have a bit of a bitter aftertaste, but love will help wash that away. In time, she will see it as simply another part of you and your collective struggle through it will be one of the many chapters you will write as a couple.

    I wish you both the very best! You will be in my thoughts. ^_^
    Thanks Onecho I agree that I may have been pushing the issue a bit. I like to try to take care of an issue or a concern right away, but taking time in this case will be a good idea. I know that she will be understanding and she won't judge me. I have always been different and have always wanted to be accepted for who I am, but I know that she will eventually accept my "little" side and it won't be awkward.

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