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Thread: Relationships with non-ABDLs

  1. #1

    Default Relationships with non-ABDLs

    Hey everyone,
    I'm relatively new to ADISC, and though I run a little blog AND posted on Fetlife searching for answers, I just couldn't find the advice I was looking for. So, I decided to try posting it here.
    I'm 19 years old, 20 in July. I'm a college student, and my big side is mature, responsible and
    I'm currently in long distance relationship. I live in the midwest, while my girlfriend lives on the east coast. It's kind of silly to say we met after she started following my personal blog (non-ABDL blog) on Tumblr and struck up a conversation with me. We've never met before, but we Skype as much as possible. We've been together for four months, and I love her to death. She's just such a sweet girl, and I don't want to lose her over something so...*searches for a word* fixable?
    You see, she didn't know about my little side until we were already dating. I decided that she seemed trustworthy, and trust for me (even as an adult) is very difficult. So I decided that since I was already able to put my trust in her that I would be able to tell her and feel comfortable.
    I didn't know how to say it, so I simply sent her the link to my little blog. This blog is mainly pictures of other littles, toys, and pictures of me, of course. Paci, onesie-clad, diapered and all.
    She was a bit taken back, as most people are when they find out for the first time. She shrugged it off at first and said that if it made me happy, then she had no problem with it.

    After a while though, it became more and more problematic. I felt that, since I had told her and since she was aware of it, that it was fine for me to be myself more often. I started by keeping a paci in my mouth while we were on Skype one night. Then progressed to telling her about my favorite diapers (teddy bambinos) and how cute they were. I sent her a picture (not wearing them, just of the diaper). She said they were cute. I thought that maybe she'd have lightened up.
    I was definitely wrong.

    She started posting on her blog about how uncomfortable it made her. Posts directed towards me, never directly mentioning it (only because other people that I knew followed her blog), but always making it known. I confronted her eventually, telling her that it was hurtful that she couldn't have just told me herself, rather than post on her blog for all to see that I was doing something that clearly bothered her. She shrugged it off again, and we haven't spoken about it since.

    I don't know what to do. She often talks about how difficult this is for her, how awful she feels that she can't "just be okay with it", and it often leads to her guilt driving her towards self-mutilation.
    I don't want her hurting herself over something that I'm doing...

    I guess I just want some kind of advice. How I could help her loosen up, or maybe if I should just stop bringing it around her.

    Breaking up really isn't something I want. It isn't worth it to me...

    Help. Please.


  2. #2


    Well, you didn't really deal with it all that well did?

    I'm not into this scene, but I'm still here because the person who introduced me to it actually talked to me about it and respected my boundaries. All you did was throw it at her and then... keep going!

    I don't know if it'll help but really your only course of action is to apologise (properly) and to stop forcing your weird stuff on her! You've never met the girl before, and you've only been dating her for four months, did you really think it would be a good idea to just start doing things without ever talking about it?

    As a girl I can tell you this: If we say something is 'ok' and don't really mention it after that chances are we don't really think it's ok.

    Go and talk to her and stop doing it.

  3. #3


    Tulula is right you may think that you're taking it slow but she will be thinking, 'Woah; he's not who I signed up for,' give her time to adjust take it back to wear it was before, and eat some humble pie, she doesn't need to see you with a paci if she wants to she can visit your other blog, she doesn't want to know that there are baby diapers for adults if she did she could google it.

    Take a massive step back, suck up your pride, apologise and give her the space she needs from it; especially while you can still be in her life. If you don't you will loose her and the way she's going your secret blog won't be so secret any more.

    Give her time and give her space, come on think, I mean really think about what you did, you dumped photos of yourself being AB right in her face, it's not like you said 'I've got to tell you something, I find it difficult, I'm what is known as an AB/DL and you can go and look at these pages that will help you understand it', if she did the same thing 'I'm into some nasty shit here's some photos of me (that are at the limit of what tumbler allows as far as decency goes) where I'm doing my thing,' then you'd run a mile, not say that's cool now when ever you come on-line I want to see that stuff on skype. Give her some credit she must really like you don't push your limits by making her uncomfortable.

  4. #4


    Why don't you just sit down with her and talk about it. You obviously didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable by imposing these little things on her. Let her know that you really care about her and how much you value your relationship.

    It seems like you guys might need to work on the foundation of your relationship a bit more before you start decorating the house.

    Flowers tend to help out a lot too. =D

  5. #5


    Okay, so I should probably clarify a few things since I didn't in the original post, seeing that I was in class and didn't really have time to type out novels and re-reading it, it makes me sound creepy and forceful.

    When I showed her the blog, the diapers, and my paci and all around let her see my little side, it was because she asked to. It isn't like I decided to pop up on skype one night as my little self. I gave her links to pages explaining it, told her she could read them if she'd like to, and if she had questions, she could ask. But she wanted to see what it was. Hell, I even offered her a video from that show My Strange Obsession or whatever the hell it's called, with Riley Kilo on it. But she wanted MY blog, MY pictures. Which all around made me nervous but...her whole response to all of that was "well okay."

    That's where my confusion is coming from. I understand that its a difficult thing to take in. When I was first introduced to it, I was skeptical. And I'M a little, so I can't even imagine what someone who doesn't really have interest in it thinks about it.

    I guess I don't know why she'd ask to see in the first place. I guess she was just curious.

  6. #6


    Yes, she asked to see pictures, she didn't ask for you to suddenly turn into a little boy right in front of her everytime you spoke on skype.

    Seriously, you just need to apologise and talk to her about it.

  7. #7


    As someone who had a long distance relationship, I can tell you my experience. Back then I was living in Ohio and my girlfriend (now my wife) lived some 550 miles away in Wisconsin. After I 'broke the ice' and told her about my AB/Dl side, I left the ball in her court for a LONG time, (several months). She knew this part of me, and she looked stuff up on her own, as well as some websites and information I gave to her when I told her about my AB/DL side. After about 2 months or so, I began to fill in more details to complete the picture of everything that made up who I am (both AB/DL and non-AB/DL). Was it pleasent for me? No. Why? Because similar to you, I wanted to be honest and put all of who I was, right out on front street and let her decide for herself if she could deal with it.

    I thought better of that tactic and opted instead of the slow drawn out process of letting her understand who I am. I let her do the question asking. I never, ever, let he see me in a diaper. Not even a photograph. That precaution was mostly to protect myself, should the relationship take a turn for the worse.

    Eventually she seems okay with the information. We began to date. Later she put her house on the market, moved to Ohio and we became engaged. Today we are married and living in Wisconsin. Now, let me put this whole thing to a time frame so you can get an idea of how long this all took for me (now, of course everyone is different). From the time I first began talking to her to the time I first mentioned my AB/Dl side was about 2 years. It was about another year that we dated, became engaged and got married. So, this whole process took 3 years for her to get to know me, and understand just how diapers and AB/Dl fit into my life.

    To a 19 year old, I know such a time frame is too much, but like I said, everyone is different. For me, if my relationship was going to last, I wanted ZERO surprises in its foundation. Trust to me, was the most important ingredient.

    To this day, I know my wife isn't 100% comfortable with me and diapers. She isn't repulsed by them, but I don't put them 'in her face' so to speak. We have established a foundation of trust with each other.

    Hope that might be of some sort of help for you.

  8. #8


    Quote Originally Posted by Talula View Post
    Yes, she asked to see pictures, she didn't ask for you to suddenly turn into a little boy right in front of her everytime you spoke on skype.
    This really. She said "Okay" and that didn't mean I fully accept this and everything about being an AB/DL and you can be as open as you want with me but rather OK I know this is a side of you and I won't let it end our relationship. Now I know that for quite a few guys, especially at our age, women and relationships aren't smooth sailing and being an AB only complicates it further but unless she explicitly stated that she wanted to participate then regardless of whether she had seen my stuff or not I wouldn't act out in front of her without having that conversation beforehand because OK can mean a lot of things and even when they say OK to the stuff that doesn't mean she is OK with you being her baby.

  9. #9

  10. #10


    There is a line I hope you understand how far past it you stand and it took courage to ask us for help, and just because we didn't whole heartedly take your side doesn't mean the advice is bad.

    Maybe you took it a little slow to start with and she had an initial curiosity so you bumped up the speed very slightly but that doesn't give you licence to let it become a runaway train like the way it's looking, at least to us. Gauge your speed some what and slow it down to a crawl because if you don't your relationship with her no matter how strong it was will crash; badly.

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