I'm relatively new to ADISC, and though I run a little blog AND posted on Fetlife searching for answers, I just couldn't find the advice I was looking for. So, I decided to try posting it here.
I'm 19 years old, 20 in July. I'm a college student, and my big side is mature, responsible and generally...well...adult-like.
I'm currently in long distance relationship. I live in the midwest, while my girlfriend lives on the east coast. It's kind of silly to say we met after she started following my personal blog (non-ABDL blog) on Tumblr and struck up a conversation with me. We've never met before, but we Skype as much as possible. We've been together for four months, and I love her to death. She's just such a sweet girl, and I don't want to lose her over something so...*searches for a word* fixable?
You see, she didn't know about my little side until we were already dating. I decided that she seemed trustworthy, and trust for me (even as an adult) is very difficult. So I decided that since I was already able to put my trust in her that I would be able to tell her and feel comfortable.
I didn't know how to say it, so I simply sent her the link to my little blog. This blog is mainly pictures of other littles, toys, and pictures of me, of course. Paci, onesie-clad, diapered and all.
She was a bit taken back, as most people are when they find out for the first time. She shrugged it off at first and said that if it made me happy, then she had no problem with it.
After a while though, it became more and more problematic. I felt that, since I had told her and since she was aware of it, that it was fine for me to be myself more often. I started by keeping a paci in my mouth while we were on Skype one night. Then progressed to telling her about my favorite diapers (teddy bambinos) and how cute they were. I sent her a picture (not wearing them, just of the diaper). She said they were cute. I thought that maybe she'd have lightened up.
I was definitely wrong.
She started posting on her blog about how uncomfortable it made her. Posts directed towards me, never directly mentioning it (only because other people that I knew followed her blog), but always making it known. I confronted her eventually, telling her that it was hurtful that she couldn't have just told me herself, rather than post on her blog for all to see that I was doing something that clearly bothered her. She shrugged it off again, and we haven't spoken about it since.
I don't know what to do. She often talks about how difficult this is for her, how awful she feels that she can't "just be okay with it", and it often leads to her guilt driving her towards self-mutilation.
I don't want her hurting herself over something that I'm doing...
I guess I just want some kind of advice. How I could help her loosen up, or maybe if I should just stop bringing it around her.
Breaking up really isn't something I want. It isn't worth it to me...