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Thread: My husband is a diaper lover

  1. #1

    Default My husband is a diaper lover

    Posted March 19th, 2012 at 12:55PM
    My partner and I have been together for almost 2 years. We have been married only 3 days. When my partner and I first met, he told me that he had a fetish with diapers and liked to wear them to masturbate. He told me that he wasn't into adult baby stuff, nor did he like diaper porn. He also told me that he wasn't going to wear diapers anymore, because he felt it wasn't normal and accepting. So, for almost 2 years, I believed that he wasn't into diapers anymore. When I would ask about it, he would say he was over it. He also said that he didn’t watch porn anymore.

    3 days before we got married, I found diaper porn on his computer. When I confronted him, my partner eventually came clean and admitted that he never stopped wearing the diapers, and that he lied, and that he is turned on by diaper porn and has been watching it. Also, he admitted that he likes to pee in his diaper, and watch girls pee in theirs. I was very shocked. My partner told me that he was sorry, and that he would delete all the porn, and that he didn't have any backup porn anywhere. The next day, I found him sneaking out of the room with a hard drive full of diaper porn. He had lied, again.

    I am very depressed and sad right now. I cry all the time. It's not only the diaper fetish that bothers me, but it's the lying, and hiding. All my trust is gone and broken.

    I also found out that my partner is attracted to women that are tall, and very thin, and have very smooth skin. (He told me this himself. Also, this is what the women look like on the porn that he watches, and the pictures that he looks at.)
    I am nothing like those girls. I have a pretty face, but I have had children, so I am not thin, nor do I have smooth skin. My self-esteem has taken a nose dive. (I already had low self-esteem issues to begin with, due to our sex issues.)

    I feel like I have been betrayed, and lied to our whole relationship, and that I don't even know my partner anymore. It is devastating to me. I wonder what else he is lying, and hiding…

    I love my partner with all my heart, and I would do anything to please him.
    After a day of being upset, I decided to fulfill his fantasy. My mind frame was that I wanted him to be pleased and satisfied, I didn't want him to have to lie and hide things from me, and I didn't want him to have to watch other women. So, I decided to wear a diaper for my partner.

    I went to the extreme to fulfill this fantasy for him. I looked over all the porn and pictures he likes, and tried to recreate the outfits, and their body poses. I bought lingerie. I had candles, and music. We celebrated our wedding night with diaper sex.

    My partner was so turned on and excited. I have never seen him this way our whole relationship. We had always had sex issues before [removed]. Now, he was ecstatic, and able to have sex 3x a day, etc.. I was excited, just because he was excited. I was turned on, because he was turned on. I was really getting into it. We did all kinds of kinky stuff. My partner seemed to be in heaven.


    My partners last fantasy, was to watch me pee in a diaper, and change me. It was my plan to fulfill that for him. Last night, I fixed my hair the way he liked it, I wore some lingerie, and I had a diaper on when he came through the door. The first words out of his mouth were, "I liked the outfit that you had on last night, better". I was deflated. My self-esteem fell to the floor. I was about ready to fulfill a huge fantasy for him, peeing in a diaper, and instead of telling me how pretty I was, and how turned on he was, he made me feel like I didn't excite him.

    After that, we tried to make out, and I could tell that he wasn't into it. [removed]
    I was so sad. I have done everything that I can to make all his fantasies and dreams come true. I feel like I will never measure up to his porn girls. I will never be what he needs or wants.

    Later that night, after I stopped crying, I peed in the diaper for him. But, I had a hard time. I wasn't able to do it laying down, or sitting, or standing. I had to sit on the toilet with the diaper on. When I started to pee, my partner didn't really get to see the pee hit the diaper, like he fantasied about. Peeing in the diaper was a very hard thing for me to do. I was hurt because my partner didn't seem to be excited. He did change me, like he has always wanted to, and we ended up having diaper sex, but he didn't seem that into it.

    Before I fulfilled his diaper fantasy, my partner had never wanted to get married. My partner only married me because I was willing to fulfill his diaper fantasy, and he felt like if I would do that for him, that he wanted to do something for me that I have always wanted. So, we got married. But, it's a secret marriage. He doesn’t want anyone to know right now. We don't even live together.

    I am confused right now, and I am hurting.

    I don't understand the diaper fetish, but I am trying. I have researched it online, over and over. I don't find wearing a diaper exciting. It's not my thing. What turns me on about it, is my partners excitement. I have always been sexually open, and had a high sex drive. But, this diaper fetish reminds me of kids, and it's not arousing for me. I sometimes feel degraded, and humiliated. I don’t feel like a woman. I don’t feel sexy or desirable.

    My greatest fear was that this fetish would take over our whole sex life. And, it sort of has. When we have regular sex now, my partner needs to talk about diapers, or imagine me in them, to get excited and hard. This makes me feel rejected. I feel that I am not what he wants. I feel that it’s the diapers that turn him on, not me. I feel like I don't compare to his porn girls. I don't understand why he can't just focus on me, or some part of my body, and get excited and make love to me? I am a real person. I am someone that loves him, and is willing to fulfill every one of his fantasies... I am willing to spend my whole life with him.

    I don't even know how I feel. I am scared, and nervous, and sad. Does anyone have any advice for me? Please be nice, I can't take anymore rejection right now.

    I am afraid that even after I indulge his fetish, and even after I have made all his fantasies come true, that we will still lie and hide things, and he will still need to look at porn.

    Last edited by Nihlus; 23-Mar-2012 at 12:28. Reason: Removed some unnecessarily graphic parts

  2. #2


    Ok so to summarise
    You met 2 years ago he told you he was DL
    He pretended to give it up and lied about the porn
    At some point you got engaged - I'm a little confused over how when and why (given that you said he only married you because you'd fulfilled some of his fantasies)
    3 days before the wedding (less than a week ago) you found out he'd been lying to you
    4 days ago you decided to give try and go with his flow and it worked, wedding night the same thing diaper sex he was good
    Today/Tonight you got all dressed up for him and nothing, and you feel crap about it

    You have kids (but not by him I assume)
    And you don't live with him because he doesn't want anyone to know about you (yet)

    Have I got the picture ish?

    If it's true (and I have no reason to doubt it yet) you are perhaps the most forgiving woman I've ever met your husband is a very lucky man; even if he doesn't think so.

  3. #3


    Wow.... I hate to be straightforward but I don't know what else to say but this....he doesn't really deserve you based on the way he was treating you. It was horrible. I feel really bad for you.

    I agree with MCsquared above... your husband is very lucky to have a forgiving and willing woman like you to accept as much as possible and make things work. I feel lucky and grateful enough that my wifey (we will be married in couple of months) understood and accepted my DL (and LG) side of me, even she isn't into that at all. I don't ask any more of that at all. As long as I don't get her into this and not harmful to my body, she's perfectly fine with that.

    My suggestion is having you two go to therapy and sort out the feelings for each other and try to find ways to have your marriage to work and satisfy each other. You seem to be very wonderful person and you deserve to be treated way better than that. Hang in there... I wish you two nothing but the best and hope everything will work things out okay eventually.

  4. #4


    That's undivided love in my book. I remember my now ex girlfriend lied about accepting my diapers a few years ago.

  5. #5


    I am so sorry. I too feel very lucky to have a partner into such things (and I wasn't even looking) We found out about each other 3 months into the relationship! About your situation, I would advise finding a marriage counselor to talk this out with. One that accepts his desires and yours at the same time so that they can work with your husband to control his desires instead of tell him to stop all together ( because as you know that can't really happen) If mutual understanding can't be reached then you might be looking at divorce or seperation. I know that really sucks but if he can't think of you too then that is not only not loving you but disrespecting you as a person. That is unacceptable in my book. Please try to work it out but don't stay in a non loving marriage. No one deserves that.

  6. #6


    OK first things first: looking at porn, finding different sorts of women attractive, having a fetish; none of these are bad things and shouldn't affect your self esteem in any way. He wants to be with you for you and must find you attractive otherwise he would never have asked you out in the first place, I'm certain he finds you attractive.

    Lying and being rude to you after you've done what is frankly an excellent job at trying to excite him like you have is wrong, he is very lucky to have someone like you and is seriously wrong for treating you like dirt. It's a shame you have only been married for such a short time and he is already being so horrible but talking to strangers on the internet is only going to solve so many issues, you NEED to talk to him NOW and I cannot stress this enough because having a good sex life is key to a good marriage and no offence but yours currently sounds like a train wreck. You need to sit him down and tell him how you feel, show him this post because if he can't see what the problem is from that then there is something wrong with him and this may require outside help from a marriage counsellor and soon. You sound like a very reasonable woman and your husband sounds like an inconsiderate douche, this is a two way street and he needs to know that you do like the way he is treating you, if you're willing to try this fetish out then he needs to learn that (a) this shouldn't be an everyday thing and (b) you should have your sexual needs responded to just as much by him.

  7. #7


    First off, welcome to the forums! You live in my area of the country, by the way :3.

    To address your post - if nothing else was wrong with this picture, I'd just tell you to remember that he is excited by seeing YOU in a diaper, and that he just needs to do a better job of making you feel sexy and desirable when you're wearing a diaper.

    But, even if that is the case, there's a lot more wrong with this. He's lied to you, rather than follow through with his promises or talking to you about some sort of compromise, he isn't making you feel loved (and that's not you being needy, I can tell there's a severe lack of decency, here), he's basically demanding, through emotional neglect, that your entire sex life be consumed with HIS diaper fetish.

    Don't get me wrong, I would love to have a gal in my life that would be willing to include diapers in the bedroom - but I'm also smart enough to know that I have to fulfill her needs, too. Marriage is not a one-way street. You have gone above and beyond any responsibility you have to fulfill his needs - FAR above and beyond. And he should appreciate all you are doing - you're taking an active role in a fetish you don't really have an interest in, just to make him happy.

    As for the porn - well, now, this would be applicable to a decent man who is at least making an honest effort to meet your needs, inside and outside the bedroom. With him, I may be completely off base here, but, as a guy, I can say we compartmentalize a lot. "Porn gals" are just...objects, really, as horrible as that sounds. What you see in a video or a picture is a person representing an "objectified idea," a person you're never going to be able to meet. They aren't real. YOU, however, are real, and mean a lot more than any porn gal, no matter how blonde or brunette or skinny or fair or what have you. Or at least, you should, especially considering the lengths you've gone to meet his needs. If you don't mean the world to him after all that...something is very wrong with this man. He either is doing a terrible job of letting you know how he feels, or...I hate to say this, but, I mean, you may need to look at separating. There's a lot about this that stinks. Living apart like he is ashamed of you, only being interested in you when you're wearing a diaper, treating you like you have no self-worth, not even attempting to meet your needs...

    I'm sorry your introduction to this weird little corner of the fetish sphere wasn't more positive. There's no excuse for his behavior. I hope you'll stick around though, if you ever need any more advice. We're always willing to welcome and help out those in need.

    And don't get down on yourself. You should be very proud of the person you are and the kind of character you have, you've shown immense patience and forgiveness. And a great willingness to make others happy (and don't forget to keep yourself happy too!). Some day I hope to meet a woman who is even half that of what you are.
    Last edited by Draugr; 20-Mar-2012 at 12:20.

  8. #8


    What people have listed before me is spot on. It's very unfortunate that your husband is not sensitive to your needs.

    Part of the issue in my mind is that he is trying to find common ground between his fantasy and your reality and in doing so he is not realising that what you are doing for him is what most AB/DLs dream of as the ultimate gift from their partner. He should count his blessings. Most people struggle with their own acceptance, let alone being fully accepted by their partner. You've accepted him, even after he lied on multiple occasions, and even "forgave" him by showing him that you don't mind indulging into a fetish that a majority of people would consider abnormal.

    That's amazing and he is really lucky to have you.

    Obviously you don't want him to shut down again, sneaking around and becoming introverted with his sexual habits. Lying is a huge issue. If he's lying it means that he has trust issues, this is something that will need to be addressed. Frankly, I would have an open discussion before doing him any more "favours" since his responses to your carefully thought out evenings to satisfy his needs have become demoralising and deflating to your self-esteem.

    Like any problems with any relationship, talking is your best friend. If you can't have an open dialogue, I would seek out professional help to create an environment in which he feels comfortable opening up without feeling guilty because of his fetish. I get the impression he hasn't fully accepted himself for who he is and that will need to be addressed as well. When I accepted myself I realised I could wear diapers without feelings of guilt and shortly after I told my partner and she has been very accepting. Just things like rubbing my butt while padded, making nice comments or not looking surprised when wearing helps my self-esteem greatly and may help him "come out of the closet" so-to-speak. However, as I said before, he needs to realise your self-esteem has been impacted from his bad behaviour.

    Talk to him about how you feel and hopefully he will come around and see things from your perspective as you have seen things from his. Just becoming a member and posting on this site shows how committed you are and I for one applaud you for that.

    Good luck and I hope you can work things out!

  9. #9


    Reminds me of this meme.
    Click image for larger version. 

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    Your best bet is to talk with him, but just hearing he said something around the lines of "You looked better last night" kinda makes me think he's not worth it.
    If you fulfilled his fantasy, and he still wasn't satisfied, he [probably] never will be.

  10. #10


    Hi Misty,
    I think we should be friends. I'm an expert at dealing with a husband with an annoying and frustrating porn habit. (now divorced) I know the sense of rejection you feel. I'm sorry you have to go through this, as accommodating as you are~ it still seems to be never enough. How exasperating!

    I'm curious about why you don't live together?

    I've read a fair amount about diaper fetishes and seen it compared to a man having a relationship with "another woman". Now, I don't personally see that as true, but if you feel you are having to compete with diapers *and* with porn, it just must be overwhelming. If your husband is using diapers or porn as a crutch to avoid intimacy with a partner (who happens to be you!) then he needs serious counseling to enable him to experience the joys of intimacy. Not to offend the DL's and others reading....

    But! A marriage by definition implies an intimate bond. Avoidance of intimacy is a deal breaker, regardless of the medium. I can say from experience that neither diapers nor porn need to be an obstacle in an intimate relationship. But it's the individuals involved that need to share a special connection to negotiate these potential hurdles.


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