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Thread: need advice

  1. #1

    Default need advice

    I know everyone says this is a fetish, and there's nothing wrong with it as long as it is not interfering with your real life. But i'm confused ADISC and i'd like to ask your help.

    For some background, i'm a 20-something in a very high-pressure job who wears to relieve the stress of my job (even though that never goes away -- even when i'm wearing) and purely because I love it.

    The problem I have right now is that i'm kinda at a crossroads. Firstly, i've always had what I think is urge and/or stress incontinence. Its hardly unusual for me to get undressed or go to the bathroom and find out I have some wet spots or whatever. I also have issues forever sleeping since I'll be JUST falling asleep and having to go to the bathroom and thus waking myself up. To combat the latter i've been wearing at night for the past two months and I've literally never been happier with myself in so many ways. Getting more sleep and overall better sleeping habits.

    Now, here's my issue. Due to wearing as much as I have over the past months I kinda stopped wanting to do anything that I can't do diapered. I've turned down a number of social invitations since all I really want to do is go home and wear. Now, normally, I'd understand that not wanting to be around friends due to this is THE issue and I could address that. But the truth is, i'm not sure if I don't want to be around these people due to wearing diapers or if I simply don't want to be around them NOT wearing. Am I afraid to go out not wearing, or am I afraid to go out wearing and have them potentially find out? Is the problem that i'm wearing diapers or is it simply that i'm afraid my friends might know?

    I hate to throw this on you ADISC, I love this community and respect it so much but I truly feel like i'm at some real existential crossroads and i'm so confused

    I hope anyone here who's been where I am can help me and offer some suggestions and insight. I love you ADISC.

  2. #2

    Talking Hey ... afraid to go out!

    All I can say is that I had these same feelings when I was younger. I would only wear at home and although I needed them, especially for bedtime, I was always worried about going out and thinking that friends would know... I think it is natural for all of us to think people are looking at us and examining our asses or whatever but actually they are not really to the extent that you might think.

    I suggest you find a thin diaper that you are happy with or even start with a training pant like one of those new Depend Mens/Woman's underwear which hold a surprising amount and just watch you don't overdo it on the peeing...but get out there with your friends... another thing is just wear your shirt untucked and the tails of the shirt will hide anything you apparently (in your head) think they are examining as in your ass.

    When you get home enjoy winding down from the day by wearing your diaper but don't be a shut in... to practice going out diapered maybe try going to a store or coffee shop and walk around a mall or something...and use your diaper for peeing... I am just like you on the bed front. I was always a bed wetter and could never sleep well when I was not diapered. If that's what it takes to get a good night's sleep then just do it and enjoy the rest. Also enjoy waking up in a wet diaper. It's something I love; that bulging feeling in my crotch from a really wet diaper gives me energy in the morning and makes me feel very babied.

    Anyway, I hope that helps and don't fret. You are new to this and just going into diaper training so ENJOY!

  3. #3


    my advice is to try some different things out. try hanging out with friends when you've got a diaper on under your clothes and see what that's like. try forcing yourself to put on some normal underwear and go hang out with your friends even if you don't feel like it, and then ask yourself afterward whether you're glad you did or wish you'd stayed home and worn diapers.

    i think it's a bad sign if your interest in diapers is keeping you inside. if your social life is boring you can work on making some new friends or exploring some new interests, but in the meantime you should keep hanging out with the friends you have. otherwise you'll get all antisocial and depressed, and that's no fun.

  4. #4


    Try things slowly. Isolation is the worst punishment to yourself. You don't realize the long term effect this may have on you. Be happy wearing. I wear 24/7 and I'm cautious. If someone asks me I tell them I have loss muscle control and it is medical.

    Be happy who you are and keep wearing if that is what you want. Don't isolate yourself though!

  5. #5


    You could be putting yourself in denial with the whole "I'm afraid of not wearing around them." I mean, you said yourself that you'd rather go home and wear, which is a preference. It's the instance that people say is the turning point of a fetish being a bad thing.

    The main factor here is whether or not your incontinence is insignificant in terms of how much you let go without knowing. If it's just a little bit here and there, then you can definitely find a way around it. If it's like a deluge in your pants every time, then you may have a legitimate concern. I don't want to ask you which one it is because I don't want to pry and make you feel uncomfortable, but you need to address the level of incontinence and answer yourself honestly. I have found that discovering the root of any problem is the first step to being able to overcome the problem, and it makes the process a LOT easier.

    Good luck!

  6. #6


    First, the urge/stress incontinence sounds a little concerning. If you haven't, I think I'd get that checked out by a doctor. There are many things that can cause that sort of thing, particularly prostate issues for men, and they can be bad. Once you are sure that it really is just stress or whatever then we can move on to the diaper issues.

    Not knowing you or your friends, I don't think we can help much with deciding if it's not wanting to see the friends or not, that's going to be up to you. However, maybe we can help with not wanting to go diapered in public.

    First thing to keep in mind is that 'regular' people don't 'see' the world as we do. They aren't expecting to see diapers on an adult, so when they see a bulge in your pants or hear a little crinkle, their first, second, and probably even third thoughts will be far from diapers. When they see a toddler with a little bulge in his pants they would automatically think diaper, but with an adult, even if they notice, they won't think diaper. They'll first think things like, it's an optical illusion, just the way his pants fold, he's got an erection, he's wearing long john's under them, etc. Same with the sound. With a toddler, again their thoughts would automatically be a diaper, but with an adult it would be, he's got a bag of candy or a plastic bag or a piece of paper in his pocket or something. Point is, as ABDLs, our minds are automatically paranoid and we begin to think others think the same way as we do, when they don't. In fact, your friends are WAY more likely to notice you acting nervous or anxious and wonder why, than to notice your diapers... so just wear, relax and enjoy yourself!

    On actually muffling sound and being discreet, I can only tell you what I do. BTW, just so you know, I've never had someone mention or make any indication at all that they knew I was wearing.

    First, I try to wear pants or jeans that are slightly baggy when wearing diaper-less. Second, believe it or not, I usually wear a pair of soft plastic pants from over the diaper to prevent leaks and muffle sound. There are some plastic pants that are noisy, but you can get soft ones that actually help muffle it! Also diaper or not, I usually wear a t-shirt under my over shirt and tuck it in over the plastic pants and/or diaper, but under my jeans. This muffles the sound even more, almost to the point that there is no sound, and also keeps the diaper from peeking out above my waist. My belt helps with this too. Also, since I nearly always wear a t-shirt under my regular shirt, it doesn't look at all out of the ordinary for me to anyone who knows me. I also a have 2 white t-shirt onsies from the same website. I sometimes wear one of those under my regular shirt instead of a normal t-shirt, and no one knows the difference because it looks like a regular t-shirt from the waist up. I particularly wear one of these if I'm planning on doing a lot of moving around in which a regular t-shirt could become untucked and therefore reveal my diaper!

    As I said, the biggest hurdle is to get past is your own head. You just have to tell yourself that it really is VERY unlikely that anyone will notice, unless the diaper itself becomes visible, and even then, the normal person will still think anything but diaper if that's possible. For example, about 10 years ago, when I was just getting started, I didn't fold the excess 'wings' of the diapers in properly, in front and while eating in a restaurant one of them ended up sticking out and I didn't notice. When we were walking out my bro-in-law walked over to me, and whispered to me that I had a 'napkin' sticking out of my pants. He was trying to be polite, like you would with someone who had forgotten to zip their fly, and he apparently thought my napkin (normally in your lap at a meal), had gotten stuck in the waistband of my jeans. As far as I know, it never even crossed his mind that it could be a diaper.

    Anyway, as I said, just relax, act normal, and no one will notice, and after awhile, even you will start to forget you are wearing! I used to think that had to be impossible, but I assure you that it actually is very possible, and it's a very amazing feeling of freedom the first time you all of a sudden remember you're wearing, but haven't even thought about them for an hour or two!

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