Okay, I feel very comfortable asking this community for a little help and directed insight towards some confusion I've been having; perhaps it's cognitive dissonance. Tell me what you think. I really feel like this has the potential to make people think bad if it is taken out of context.
My confusion is regarding my sense of gender preferences. I'm straight. I have a girlfriend to whom I believe I am quite committed. I am also entirely pro-marriage rights for everybody, so I have absolutely nothing against homosexuality. (That is another debate entirely, but I just want to through it out there).
My entire life I have identified as straight, and honestly still feel like I do. However, I was in a class discussing characters in children's literature and it got brought up how boys and girls, in terms of romance in fictional settings, are very typically straight.
This is kind of a jump, but it really got me thinking. I trusted that the internet would provide some sort of fan based stories and created pictures of some of my favorite fictional characters, who are not homosexual in their original depiction, acting in homosexual ways. For example, I really like two male characters, Ness and Lucas, from the Earthbound series (Lucas is my current avatar). In their story, there really isn't any mention of their romantic interest; I'm assume they're heterosexual. However, there is a lot of "NessXLucas" fanfiction, depicting the two as very romantically interested in each other, either sheepishly or passionately.
Here is where my aforementioned "cognitive dissonance" comes into play. I am strongly more inclined to read a story about "Ness X Lucas" than "Ness X Some-Girl" simply because it seems like I would enjoy it more. A story about these characters discovering themselves in this sense seems very enjoyable to me. I am enthralled by fictional homosexual stories, much more so than fictional heterosexual ones. That is what I've been trying to say. And it applies purely to the fictional world. It's not bad... it's just a little confusing.
ALSO. It isn't about the characters. It is about their context. I am finding I have an affinity for homosexual stories of these fictional characters, not the characters themselves .
I am confident that I am still attracted to my girlfriend, and I don't in any way feel like I am homosexual, or really even bisexual. Does anybody have any thoughts, if you've actually read clear to this point? Can anybody relate to this cross-imaginative difference?
It just feels odd that my Real-Life Preferences and my Fictional-Preferences aren't the same. I am hoping for some insight.And I strongly apologize for all the words. I just wanted to be clear in my point.
[CONTEXT: The example of Lucas and Ness is the best one I could come up with and has NOTHING to do with the fact that Lucas and Ness are child characters. Everything would still be true if the fictional characters were adults. Please don't pull the fact that they are kids out of context of this situation; that may complicate things.]