I've enjoyed my time on ADISC very much. I've learned lots, and met some awesome people. But when I joined, there was a main reason. I haven't shared it til now, but I think it's time to figure it out. Here goes...
I'm in a wonderful time of life right now. At 23, I'm engaged to the most wonderful woman I've ever met, and the only one I've ever loved. She's everything I could want in a wife (OK, it'd be nice if she were a hockey fan, but I won't nitpick!) We're getting married in six months. All is wonderful...
...except that I've never told her, or anyone else, about my ABDL side. And that's where I'm stuck.
I spent most of my college years fighting my desire for diapers. I'd buy some, binge for a bit, then feel awful and purge, only to start up again a few weeks later. When we started dating during my fourth year, it wasn't so hard, but I still felt the desire for them. It's been hard because we've been long distance for more than a year while she does a post-grad degree and I'm working. All this time, my ABDL feelings never left. Only recently (as in, when I joined ADISC) did I come to the conclusion that I'm probably never going to shake these feelings and realize that moderation was the best way to keep from falling into the dangerous binge-purge cycles.
Needless to say, this leaves me in an awkward position, given that I'll be married soon. I have no idea how to tell my fiancee about being an ABDL.
The way I see it, I have three options:
1)Push ABDL out of my life, and fight it until my dying day. This probably won't be successful.
2)Keep it a secret. But I would be lying to the woman I love, which I'm not going to do.
3)Tell her. Clearly the only option. But how?
I don't want to risk losing her by dropping all this on her at once. I've heard too many awful stories about marriages destroyed or strained by this. Does this mean I should let on gradually, or only tell her a bit at a time?
One thing that makes this challenging is the fact that we've never had sex. We agreed to wait until marriage, and so far that promise is holding well. In light of this, is it even appropriate to bring up during our engagement?
I guess it boils down to:
-WHEN should I tell?
-HOW should I tell?
-WHAT do I do if everything goes horribly?
I'm so scared. I trust my fiancee and love her with all my heart, but this has harmed so many marriages. Any advice, particularly from people who have been through this successfully, would be an unimaginable blessing.
Thanks for reading.