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Thread: bullying leads to death of a friend

  1. #1

    Default bullying leads to death of a friend

    Has anyone lost a friend? Not to growing apart or an argument or anything,I mean lost a friend to suicide?
    Yesterday I got the worst news anybody can ever get.One of my friends died from a gunshot wound to the chest.At first I thought it was an accident but then they found a note. It said he shot himself be cause of bullying at school.People had been calling him gay and he wasn't. I knew it was going on and did nothing so I feel like it's my fault he isn't here today.I know who was doing it and I'm thinking about gettin him for it.
    Sorry if this brings up any bad memories,it's just this is the second friend in a month(the other was to a bad car wreck) and I just wanted to get this out.

  2. #2


    I'm mighty sorry over your loss, and I think you should indeed get the responsible person. Of course, not as in bloody payback, but tell someone about it, make a denunce, or tell their parents. Just make sure the responsible gets punished and learns the lesson, because I can assure you, once they realize what they did, it will chase them for the rest of their life.

  3. #3


    I'm really sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how it feels right now for you, I have suicidal friends, but have been lucky that none of them have been successful. You absolutely shouldn't place blame on yourself. You supported him by being his friend, and you did everything you could do in the circumstances you found yourself in. The people who are at fault here are those that bullied him and the school that allowed this type of thing to get to this point.

    It's horrible how routine things like this go on. Just last year somebody shot themselves in the bathroom of my school for pretty much the same reason. You'd hope people would learn from this type of thing and stop bullying others and get some respect for one another (they did in my school for about a month, then it was back to normal).

  4. #4


    I lost a friend to suicide about three years ago. We weren't real close but he was my best friend's best friend so we knew each other pretty well. He was pretty well know, always the fun of the party, one of the funniest people you would ever meet. He always had all these expressions and phrases that would make you laugh your ass off, he was quite the character. He would throw some of the funnest parties you could go to around here. When it happened I could barely believe it, and neither did anyone else. It was over the breakup of his girlfriend who he had been with all his high school life. He drove his truck off the road and hit a tree, he was only 18. We knew it wasn't an accident because he left a note. We don't blame anyone for what happened. When these things happen there is really nothing you could do, the decision was theirs. Unless you knew what it was leading to and you know you could have stopped it, it is totally out of your control. From what I can tell you couldn't have guess it would have come to this, and I'm sure the one doing the bullying didn't either. I'm sure the bully is well aware of what he did and won't be able to forget it. Something like that will truly scar someone. I'm sorry for your loss my friend.

  5. #5


    I'm so sorry Mattfox. First of all, don't blame yourself. I had someone who committed suicide and I was upset for a long time. I mentioned it to my boss and she shared with me that her brother committed suicide when they were in high school. She said that if a person is going to do this, they will. So I'm thinking that unless there was a big intervention, there was little you could have done. If you want vengeance, be careful. Simply tell you guidance counselor and perhaps a principal. Protect yourself as your life is precious as well.

    Bullying takes many forms, but it seems to be getting worse. The best thing we can do to combat it is to listen to others, hear their pain, and be there for them as a friend. We don't have to take it. We can stand up to it by being better people. Listening is an almost lost skill, reading between the lines in what others are saying to us.

    We like to think the world is a perfect place, because as a society, we try to make it constantly better. But it's still a jungle. We age, get sick, and die; everyone of us. The weather revolts against our sensibilities. People are brutalized, especially in other countries, and they revolt as terrorists. Regimes terrorize their own people, torturing and killing them. The world is a harsh mistress, and we must live in it and make sense of it. Is it any wonder people cave to it. Be strong, and be there for those who hurt. We are expected to be tough, but being kind and gentle, now you are a giant.

  6. #6


    i almost lost myself to suicide, my best bud east of 8 mile shot himself, i heard the pistol go off and ran to find him dead.

  7. #7


    We all support you...
    And... I just, for some reason, feel the need to bring up the one college kid who was gay and his 'friend' recorded something... Err... Inappropriate and when news spread, the young man jumped off of a bridge.

    Does anyone remember that? :S

  8. #8


    I lost my best friend of 10 years to suicide shortly after high school. I also lost another close friend to suicide when I was in high school, another super close friend in a bad car wreck, and my girlfriend to Lupus. Mattfox, I can tell you that it is not easy to lose anyone, ever. It is especially hard on you when you are a teenager, because you and your friends are supposed to have your entire lives ahead of you. I can tell you that I didn't handle the loss of my close friends very well at all. I let it build up emotionally inside of me for over five years until I had a fairly bad breakdown. Please don't let this happen to you. I let these experiences eat at me, nag at me, beat me up, and scar me for what felt like an endless amount of time. It eventually took three therapists and almost a year of therapy to get me back on my feet.

    My advice to you, from someone who has been through a very similar situation, is to continue to reach out to people like you are doing. Continue to post about it online, talk to your parents, talk to your other friends, and by all means please cry. These are the things that I wish I had done, and should have done shortly after I went through my experiences. Don't let this awful negative experience be bottled up inside of you. Be open about your feelings about it, try and understand why you are feeling the way that you are feeling. Don't be scared of the emotions that you may feel. Don't be scared of facing those that bullied your friend either. Try to talk to them (not yell), they are more than likely going to feel horrid about their involvement eventually, and will probably want to know what your friend was truly like. Sometimes it helps them, and you, with the coping process. After it is revealed who the bullies were, and how much they bullied your friend they are going to reap the consequences of their actions from several people with authority. Don't rush things, but don't let things sit on the back burner for a long time either, they will emotionally devastate you eventually, and may temporarily cripple you emotionally when you least expect it if you wait too long. By all means, talk to a counselor or therapist too if you need it. It's not embarrassing, it's what they are there for. They do generally care, and it's their job to listen and help you through these kinds of situations.

    Filling the void that is now in your life is not the easiest thing to do either, no matter how big or small it is. Please continue to enjoy doing the activities that may remind you of your friend. I'm sure your friend wouldn't want you to stop enjoying those activities. Would you want your friends and family to stop participating in activities you enjoyed together if you died? You may need to take a break from those activities for a while, and that's understandable, but don't quit enjoying them. They will eventually be one of the best pieces of therapy for you through the recovery process.

    You will learn a lot about yourself through this experience, and you will do a lot of growing up through this as well. Accept it for what it is, accept the condolences of those around you, and reach out to them during the time you are coping with this. I know there are many us here at ADISC that are more than willing to listen and talk with you.

    I am truly sorry for your loss, it is not fun to deal with death, especially suicide, but you will make it. I promise.
    Last edited by RangerR; 22-Feb-2012 at 01:37.

  9. #9


    It just happened yesterday? Wow, are you alright?

    We are here to support you, but I would recommend talking it over in person with someone too, if you haven't already. Maybe a guidance counselor or a therapist, even a parent. I know you might not think you need to talk about it, or you might not want to, but you still should. Especially since he was a friend of yours.

  10. #10


    I'm sorry for your loss, and I can't imagine what it's like to lose a friend to suicide, but I have known what it's like to be suicidal, and be close to others who are suicidal. I've also dealt with loss of close family, and it was rough. The only thing that really got me through the tough times is talking, crying, letting it all out. Sometimes you just need a shoulder to cry on, cry by yourself, cry with a close friend, counselor, parent, sibling, anyone that you feel comfortable with and just let it all out.

    Getting even is another matter. The best way would be to go to an adult who can make a difference. Once the kid responsible realizes, it's going to be something that's going to haunt him for the rest of his life, I guarantee you that, as I nearly put a friend six feet under when I was depressed, said some things, hurt him, and even though we've made up, we're closer than ever, and put the past behind us, I still feel guilty about that to this day. In the end, it'll catch up with him, they say what goes around comes around...That will happen, if not soon than with time, he'll at least suffer the burden of knowing someone fell at his hands.

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