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Thread: Being judged and losing friends

  1. #1

    Default Being judged and losing friends

    Has anyone felt harshly judged for being a dl or even for being incontinent? I am both and recently lost who I thot was a good friend because she couldnt see past the whole diaper thing. My BF who is also both came to visit and things are awkward between my friend and i

  2. #2

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    My older brother certainly doesn't like it. I was stupid and wrong for even ever telling him about it. But we've still hung out and have a good relationship, so we never talk about it.

  3. #3
    Butterfly Mage

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    I lost several friends (all Christian fundamentalists) for various reasons. The top three reasons were my being gay, Wiccan, and having a dissociative disorder. I guess they turned their backs on me before they could give me a hard time for being IC.

    It does hurt -- a lot -- being rejected by people you trust over very trivial matters. The lesson I learned was that people claiming to be my "friend" are in all likelihood mere aquauntences and that the only person I can depend on is me.

  4. #4

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    I think a lot of us have lost people for trivial bullshit. There's a saying I love that fits perfectly for this thread:

    Those that care don't matter, and those that matter don't care.

    I have one good friend that knows about all my secrets, like me being a DL, wearing women's underwear and being bisexual. I lucked out, but I've lost a couple other friends who I thought I could trust with this type of information.

  5. #5

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    I know the feeling. I lost about 80% of my friends (mostly male) after I came out as a transgender. It hurts but nothing I can do about it. Also I consider the whole thing as a filter between true friends and "so called" friends.

    For DL side, only one of my close friends and my fiancee knew about this, that's it. I don't trust a lot of people, even most of my close friends enough with this kind of information about me. In matter of fact, nobody at my work knew that I was formerly transgender. Maybe some of them do suspect it but never said anything or question me about it.

  6. #6

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    I would never tell anyone who didn't need to know, however I find that people who judge others based on what they like aren't really good friends. I find it very ignorant to make a judgemental decision like that about someone, based on if they like diapers or not. Some people won't understand it and will need it explaining to them, but this goes back to "Only tell those who need to be told." I find that the friends I have now, wouldn't make such a decision like to ignore me or whatever because I'm into something. As long as it isn't morally wrong or hurting others without their consent. But everyone is different and people can be ignorant towards such things.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Angelbaby View Post
    Has anyone felt harshly judged for being a dl or even for being incontinent? I am both and recently lost who I thot was a good friend because she couldnt see past the whole diaper thing. My BF who is also both came to visit and things are awkward between my friend and i
    The truth is she was not a good friend and you just thought she was. Better you find out now. A few close friends who like you for who you are is better than lots of friends you can't depend on any day.
    I have few close friends. That means that if I am ever in a bind I have fewer people to call but the reality is I probably only need to make one call anyway. That's the kind of friends you want in your life. The rest are just people you know.

    ---------- Post added at 23:33 ---------- Previous post was at 23:30 ----------



    Quote Originally Posted by BrownBear View Post
    Those that care don't matter, and those that matter don't care.
    Absolutely!

  8. #8

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    Thank u for all your responses. I'm glad I'm not alone in this! The fact is, I didn't tell her. Someone I trusted did and he felt so awful about it. I guess all I can say is oh well and get over the hurt. I like this saying:

    Friendship: A friend is a person who knows all about you and still likes you

  9. #9

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    You guys might enjoy this story:

    When I first accepted my bisexuality, I had an urge to tell someone. So I called one of my good friends from college and told him. Come to find out he's also bisexual. We ended up chatting about it for a while and it was an awesome feeling finding someone who knows what it's like to reveal information like that.

    No, we haven't done anything but we haven't ruled it out either :P

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by BrownBear View Post
    You guys might enjoy this story:

    When I first accepted my bisexuality, I had an urge to tell someone. So I called one of my good friends from college and told him. Come to find out he's also bisexual. We ended up chatting about it for a while and it was an awesome feeling finding someone who knows what it's like to reveal information like that.

    No, we haven't done anything but we haven't ruled it out either :P
    Well, for me, the first person I came out to as bi was already out as bi, so I figured outing myself to him would be the best option, and he was proud of me. Thankfully, my friends are all cool with my sexuality, and some of them told me that they wish they were bisexual so that they could have more possible partners. There is also a GSA (Gay-straight-alliance) at my school, so being semi-open about my bisexuality has helped me open a few doors and create new friendships.

    The only bigotry I face comes from my parents, who when I tried to come out to them just tried to put it out of their mind and avoided the subject ever since. Apparently having a bisexual son is worse than the fucking Antichrist. My parents also told me (prepare for epic facepalm moment) that I can't be gay or bi because I am Italian. *facepalm* What the fuck? I guess the day when they wake up to reality (if ever) will be a very harsh event for them.

    Back on topic, I have not been harshly judged for being a DL. When I first told my sister about being a DL, she was a little bit weirded out at first, but eventually came to accept it and now we are closer than ever.

    If I am ever outed as a DL in real life, I will just respond with, "Everyone who has ever come into contact with me knows of my eccentric personality, so I'm surprised that you didn't know sooner." Hopefully that day will never come.

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