I have this bladder issue as long as I can think. Iím sure my mind has some holes but Iím pretty sure that I had this issue like forever.
I wet during the day if I drink enough, but Iím dry at night. I stopped drinking enough and started to go to the toilet even if I didnít feel the urge of going when I was at primary school. My memories of the time in kindergarten are that I wetted on daily basis but my parents or the women in kindergarten didnítí find out because there were no large accidents very often, just a dribbling during the whole day. This still happens today even if I just drink half a liter in a day.
Between the age of 3 and 21 I had several big accidences and as I remember my parents always were angry at me for it. They always asked me why I did it. As if it was my fault and I did it on purpose.
Sometimes I think they are right. There is no real problem. I am the problem.
I have seen an urologist and a neurologist to find out whatís wrong with me. No one of them could help me. Iím quite sure they didnít listen pretty well but the urologist told me about the diagnostic methods he is able to use and after my first catheterization I was so scared that I never wanted any of that again.
I want to stop the wetting or at least get to know how I can accept it but as long as I donít know what the reason is I think Iím quite impossible to do so.
A while ago I started list all the accidents I can remember. The memories hurt but I just canít stop thinking of it. On Monday and Wednesday I have very important exams and the only things I can think of are all the memories of anger and being laughed at by adults and kids. I told a good friend of mine who is part of a German diaper-fetish-community and before I told him I begged him not to laugh. A wish that I couldnít couch in terms until my 22 birthday.
I was always wondering if there was someone in the world, who has the same problem (wet at day, dry at night) as I do. Maybe it is not my fault.
Is it right to call it incontinence, if a doctor never found out if it is one?
Thanks for reading and sorry for my English.