When I logged on today, I saw that it will soon be a year sense joining this site for me. Also though it feels even longer sense I started to wear diapers 24/7 from what was developing bowel and bladder issues. Back then it felt like pretty much the worst thing that ever happened to me, but what about now?
It feels like a fair bit of time sense I last messed, but at the same time I still feel that a diaper is good for just in case. A lot of that is because my chron's seems to have calmed down a bit and while still there, it isn't so active. I still get really bad sudden urges though so I'm for sure not right to go without.
At the same time,after always being there and then speeding up, bladder control is still a problem. From what I've done so far it seems I'm still healthy but I can't stop wetting myself through the day. It's not always stable and some weeks are worse or better then others and maybe even the odd dry spell, but ether way wetting myself every day has become my norm.
Yet at the same I don't feel bad or upset about it anymore and nether do I feel scared about what might happen next. Once I got my head around things and use to them, I started to like the life that diapers have given me. Of course I no longer have to worry about if I have an accident anymore, dealing with situations where I'm excited or nervous isn't a problem. I can just get on with life and what I want to do in a way I never thought I would. Even buying them is something I'm comfortable with and just part of my routine now.
It feels silly in one way though but sometimes I do think of if I'll be able to go without diapers one day and not be incontinent. While I'm use to it and maybe even enjoy a little some things because of it, it's still not something I chose to become. I don't think it really matters anymore though. I am who I am and that's it.
If I'm honest as well, I find it hard now to see a future without diapers now I've come this far. I have tried at a few points to try manage without and it's too hard and stressful. I've never managed to go outside as such ether. I suppose that this maybe normal though.
I guess that's where I am in my life with regards to this now. I'm sure there will always be twists and turns along the way but that's life after all and as cheesy as this might sound, who knows whats ahead of me. Still, I'm sure the worst is behind me now at lest.