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Thread: Surviving a Divorce :/

  1. #1

    Default Surviving a Divorce :/

    Due to a lot of circumstances I'm now in the process of getting a divorce and its so hard! Especially where the kids are concerned. Has anyone else gone thru a divorce and survived without losing their sanity?

  2. #2


    Quote Originally Posted by Angelbaby View Post
    Many an evening we sat at home having that debate about our sanity. Between me myself and I, we simply could not reach a consensus on that at all.

    So yes, have the tee-shirt on all counts.

  3. #3


    My parents divorced. To be quite frank I do not believe it is possible to remain sane. As a child I know it hurts to go through a divorce, due to all the fighting. It took so long for me to understand that it is not my fault, but there is always going to be that part of me that never believes. It sounds like you are concerned for your kids and I respect that more than you could possibly know, so a little bit of advice if you want to your kids to remain sane is, leave them out of it. That sounds weird, but let me see if I can clarify. In all to manny cases I've heard that the kids were fought over and often one parent will try to influence one or all of the children, in order to win custody. These little wishers and questions are like a poison, and this would classify as emotional abuse. You can fight for your children, I'm not going to tell you that you can't, but all I'm saying is that it is best not to involve kids in it. I know all to well that it is only destructive. As much as the divorce may hurt the parents I hurts the kids just as much; especially the older they get. Up until they are an adult then it is not as bad. I hope that everything goes smoothly for you and your kids.

    This was just brief insight into the more destructive parts of a divorce and how it can affect kids.

    Divorce is painful and rarely does not affect the family in some way.

  4. #4


    It would not be for me to lay bare my feelings on an insular forum. I feel that the best case scenario for me in doing so would be to be judged by those who do not have life experience to comprehend what they are trying to dissect. Worse case is I’d leave myself at the mercy of Google, which currently is deemed to be of no great consequence by our “superior-quality” posters.

    Even the most amicable separation (given time) has the potential to turn caustic, more so when there are children involved. An extension to what Jnoto has said is that there is no luxury of sitting on the fence for those who will have to witness the proceedings. Even if you yourself do not involve the children with bribes or barbed comments, there is the certainty that somebody - even as far removed as your well meaning friend’s will do the damage. These comments are assuredly emotional abuse and where they serve their purpose in the short term, in the long run the psychologically damaged victims will turn on the abuser and or custodian. You might take on board that, where you two can vent your issues, there is no such platform for children. It is usual for children (in my case as young as four) who have even only limited understanding of what is going on, to believe that it is all entirely their fault. All said the only true victim’s of a divorce are the children.

    The question you asked was in relation to your own personal peace of mind. What I can tell you as a custodian is, I do not look at it in isolation from this list; 1/_Moral, 2/_Physical, 3/_Religious, 4/_Educational, 5/_Emotional, Welfare of the children.What I am saying is when you move on, how and where you intend to seek your happiness will ultimately dictate the answer.

    Trivial question; would it surprise you to be told that the joint possessions (who gets what) are attended to before the children’s needs are seen to. It is a very rare case where that fact is the exception.

  5. #5


    Jnoto and acorn.....The emotional abuse was the biggest reason for our seperation in the first place and yes he has tried to influence the children. I am doing my best to get them to safety and make sure he never gets them but its a long legal process. He turned violent towards me and so on....Its a real mess.

  6. #6


    Quote Originally Posted by Angelbaby View Post
    Its a real mess.
    Are you living apart from the children and your spouse ± will he contest custody?

  7. #7


    I am restricting myself from giving anymore advise because I do not know the parental side of a divorce and how it feel as a parent and adult. I simply do not have enough life experience, but I have seen how it affected my parents and my step mom, who is a wonderful lady, and I feel so sorry for you. Divorce is a terrible thing and in my opinion only brings pain. I sincerely hope that everything gets better for you and you kids. I will pray for you and ask my friends to pray for you too. I appologise if you are not religious; I mean no disrespect if that is the case.

    Hugs and love,

  8. #8


    Jnoto, I am religious and I thank you very much for your prayers. Yes even at this stage I can see how painful it is. I had to make a choice between staying in a violent abusive marriage or taking this step. My spouse and I have been sep'd since April 2011. The children live with me but he gets them twice a week.

  9. #9


    Quote Originally Posted by Angelbaby View Post
    ....My spouse and I have been sep'd since April 2011. The children live with me but he gets them twice a week.
    I am not going to torture the story from you, if ever you will tell us - you will do it in your own good time. Above I’ve given a list, you would do well to be conversant with it and be able to expand the points (imperative). Reading between the lines, I believe you will need to be able to fall back on it at some time in the future.

    Your country’s laws are so forgiving to transgressors. Your partner given what’s been said, would not fare out as well here. Over here all he would get at most is one visit a week // month (at family court’s discretion) and it would have to be supervised by a third party “in good standing”. You yourself need to see that, he is the father for better or worse, one way or another he will be a feature in your life - till the children come of age. You need to work on yourself to develop strategies for coping – so he can no longer press your emotional buttons (sooner rather than later).

    Your children may not be conversant with you about their feelings for two reasons; 1/_Too Young, 2/_Fearful they might aggravate a volatile situation. It is for that I strongly recommend that you liaise with those who can vocalise the child’s perspective, to that end Jnoto has volunteered himself and I have good reason to believe he will continue to do so.

    I suggest that if you intend to continue to post to this thread you should ask that it is moved to the EC+ forum. Additionally if there is any risk that your estranged spouse knows or could be told of this site, where you can continue to make contacts by the thread, you should conduct all business by PM’s only. Should you have any questions at all, you know where to find me. All said and done there is no good reason to suffer alone.

  10. #10


    Well, I don't normally post here, as i'm more of a casual surfer...

    But Yeah, I've lived through 2 divorces. both of them, my mom divorced my Dad, and her cheat of a second husband.

    First time around, the appropriate answer would be no. I got epilepsy, and the official diagnosis is "self-induced by trauma". Basically, my brain crashed. And the families, particularly my Dad's family, was really merciless. Well, at least my Dad tried to make it up to us in his later years.

    Second time around, yeah we survived in tact. Simply because less than a week later, we found out my Dad had lung cancer and passed away. That sorta was more important than my ex-stepdad, which ended up not only cheating on my Mom, but abused her and us in practically every way. Mostly emotional, moral and Financial.

    Well, at the end of my teenagehood, I outgrew the epilepsy, and no longer on meds, in case anyone is concerned about that... But because of that and the medication, I lost out on adolescence... And with everything else, it's no wonder I kept my little Tenderheart teddy bear...

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