hi ya people ive been working on a letter to send to my mum as anything else just ends up in arguments anyways here it is would really appreciate some feedback
I wish I could be me, I wish I could be honest with people instead of hiding behind a coat of lies. I avoid and distance myself from people because I am hiding something, something I am itching to tell people but I am scared of losing the people I love the most. This is not a phase this is not a choice. If I could wave a magic wand and make it all go away I would. Indeed I wish I could. But I canít I can only be me.
Me is someone who loves those who have always been there, me is someone who has turned the lives of those very same people upside down.
There is not a day goes by where I donít think about how I have hurt you.
Inside I feel I donít deserve to be here, but I know to act on those thoughts would be to throw away all the love and support that has been shown. So am left feeling though I am coping on my own, because I donít want to hurt you. I want to make you proud and am doing all I can to through my studies.
It eats me up inside when I hear you say I want you to give me girls. I wish I really wish I could. I donít want to lie anymore, lie to a girl and pretend I am interested in her when I am not. For this I constantly feel ashamed that I canít fulfil the hope and aspirations that you have for me. I just hope I can make you proud in some other way.
I know this makes you uncomfortable and I understand why. This is why I still constantly hide. Hide form my friends at college for fear of the truth being recognised. The truth is everyday it gets harder and harder to hide.
The truth is I canít be me but always living a lie.
I hope and pray there will come a time where you are truly proud of who I am
---------- Post added at 20:38 ---------- Previous post was at 19:31 ----------
ime not too sure if this is the right thing to do or not but its how i feel