Wow. Well, this will be my five hundredth post. Long time coming, I think. I don’t post very much, I guess.
I joined ADISC in late May of 2010. At the time...I wasn’t actually TB, DL, or anything like that, that I knew of. Of course, I didn’t say that in the introduction post. The reason I was there back then...research, mainly. I guess in hindsight I could have said that, but hell with it, I didn’t, that’s all there is to it.
Back in early 2010, my best friend Sam got banned from the computer. Round March, maybe? Doesn’t matter. That’s where everything started. The reason why he got banned from it was because his mom found out he was talking to people on the computer. That’s what he told me. Now, at the time, I wasn’t very tech savvy. Much less then I am now, for sure. I could have checked the conversation history that he left on my computer...I didn’t know that there was a conversation history.
Back then, I was interested in wetting...I guess I would have found out about diapers eventually, but the things that I used to look up involved wetting clothes. I don’t really look that up anymore...it just doesn’t appeal as it used to. Anyway, one time when Sam was over, he was on the top and I was down below him (I have a bunk bed you sick minded people!). Well, we were talking, as usual, and he was on my computer (an old Gateway laptop). Long story short, I was being nosey and I wanted him to tell me what he and the others were always talking about. He wasn’t exactly down with that, but after a bit of coaxing, he finally agreed. I had to tell him what my biggest ‘kink’ was though, first. Well...I did. I told him about the wetting bit. As an icebreaker, I opened up a website that I knew about that specialized in it. A video site, now, not a forum.
He and his online friends conferred for a couple of minutes. From the person who he was talking to at the time, I received this: “It’s related, but the way Sam thinks of it, his is much worse”. Of course, me being me, that piqued my interest. I practically begged him to just surrender and tell me...eventually he did. He opened up one of those Infantilism pages, probably Wikipedia, and locked my account. He then proceeded to leave the room. He was nervous as hell that day.
I opened up the browser window that he left there...and was given the sight of this. I started reading through the website, about the desires, feelings, and lifestyles. My interest definitely wasn’t sated, however. It took him a little over five minutes to muster the courage to come back into the room to face me. I kind of find it funny now. Nervous as hell, yeah.
We started talking...I mentioned that I knew one a long while back. Lie, of course. A pretence that I kept up a long while after I joined ADISC. Anyway, he seemed more comfortable about it then, after that, so I guess it did the trick. We talked long into the night about it. I was showed the conversation he was having with his ‘daddy’—you’d know him as Kokuei from here—to his embarrassment. Role-playing, of course. That was the majority of it back then....simple times. He mentioned that he was a member of this forum (BabySammy) at some point in the night as well.
Jump forward into May. We still talked, sometimes about Infantilism, most times not. We were finding more about each other each day. At some point in the month, I decided “To hell with it, I’m going to find out more about it”. That’s when I started browsing ADISC. I must say, the blue (newbie) populace here has grown exponentially since then.
After being on here for a while...I started to have some of these desires. I started remembering things. For example, I remembered that back when I was eight, my sister was still in pull-ups. I stole one, and hid it under my bed. I think it stayed there until we moved, I’m not sure if I ever took it out from there; but I do remember throwing it in a trash bag when we were moving. I remember stealing my sister’s pacifier at one point. Not that she used it. I have no idea what happened to that.
I talked to the same people that Sam talked to at the time. I still do, somewhat. At least, I still talk to one of them every once in a while. At some point, I met another guy here, and started talking to him. Sometime in August, soon after I moved into my new house, Robin said that he’d be in St. John’s to pick up a Van that he was buying. The ironic part about this is that he called about the van that we were selling, and I told him that it was already gone. I recognized his voice when he called me later to tell me he was in the city. Back to the story: he offered to give me a sample pack of ABU cushies. I was shocked, really, and more than a little nervous. I agreed. Shorten up the story a bit; he was in town, we met and had a coffee, he gave me the Cushies, and a pack of maille rings (mom took those...had to attribute something to what was hidden in my sweater).
When I actually tried the cushies...well, to quote myself: “If I’m not TB, then I’m definitely DL”. Yeah, I said that. After a while, Robin and I kind of lost contact for a year or so.
Around December some time, I decided to go up to the Sobeys on top of the hill. Again, I was a little nervous, but nothing on what I was when I met Robin. Cool as you please, I entered, went down the isle, grabbed a pack of Goodnites, and proceeded to go to the register. Guess what? Someone I knew of from school was manning the register. Just my luck, eh? They were for my cousin, is what I said. I brought them back to the house, and stashed them under the doorstep to retrieve later.
In January, Sam was over again, so me and him went up to the Sobeys and bought another pack of Goodnites. He was half petrified just being in there, when I was buying them. The only reason I was nervous was because he was so nervous.
Fast-forward again to February of that year. That was when things started to kind of fall apart. I was on an extreme purge at the time; feeling depressed about nine-tenths of the waking day. Long story short again, I attempted suicide in about March. Obviously, it never worked. I never told Sam this, he’d flip at me.
Nothing really changed for a long while. Then...in June or July, a bunch of people from here started up a group chat in Skype. For some reason that I don’t know, I’m one of the remaining members of it today...there are only eight people left out of about thirty (two are new members). Anyway, these people that I talked to...well, they helped. I don’t know if I made it actually obvious that I was depressed, but it helped just to be there. Mike, Brendon, Alex, Stu, Neil...thanks.
School came again, with me redoing most of my courses from last year. Yeah, the depression really didn’t help with my grades. Then, my computer failed epically. Three months I was without a computer. I was definitely afraid of the depression creeping back at that point. Luckily, it didn’t. At least, not very much. But being able to get onto a computer again helped when I started getting off the bus at my Nan’s after school. Then just after Christmas, I went out and bought a new computer.
This is longer than most chapters in The Devil’s Assassins. Huh. Weird at what I’m able to write on...
Well, this is how I got to where I am today, mainly. Besides all of that: I picked up guitar in around March of 2010, though I never actually used a damn pick until around the end of the last school year; I’ve been listening to a lot of AC/DC, Black Sabbath, Metallica, Dream Theatre, Ozzy Osbourne, etcetera; I’ve started up two stories, one which I think I’m going to let lie, and the other which I’m nearly done the second chapter to; my novel is still at about the same place it was last month, though I think I’m getting over that block...
What a wall of text. Hell, I didn’t think it was going to be this long. If you have any questions, just hit me up...I won’t get to them until about 15:00 or so my time though...it’s 2:06 now. I need to get to bed, dammit. I’m going to be tired as hell tomorrow.
Long days and pleasant nights, fellow ADISCians.