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Thread: Thinking about telling her....

  1. #1

    Default Thinking about telling her....

    Ok so here goes....I've been with this girl for over a year and she doesnt know I'm a DL. I love her so much and I've never told anyone about this before I'm shivering now even as I think of it. So anyway the other day I asked her would she still love me if I was the wierdest quirkyiest person on earth and her answer was "yes I love you unconditionally" so I've thought about it alot lately. I'm afraid of rejection and I'm afraid it will make her think I'm less of a man because of that babyish side I'm also afraid itll go down wrong and shell tell her friends idk I worry...so I'm faced with 3 choices
    *try to quit (again)* just for her
    *take the risk and tell her and hope for the best*
    *continue to hide it from her*
    I dont know what to do I just don't wanna mess things up or make our relationship awkward.

    Has anyone told their significant other and how did you do it?

  2. #2

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    Hi DtigerL.

    How long have you too been together?

    Is this the one you intend to marry?

    Im very quick to get guilty over such things and if the guilt is really eating into you i suggest you tell her.

    I just went ahead and told my wife and she was more ok with it then me.

    However i was still new to this scene,and even though it really went well i still struggle with acceptance.

    The point is if you go around doing it behind her back and want to be forthcoming remember,depending on how open minded she is, it could cost you the relationship.

    It could also make her think differently of you so be confident and forthcoming about what this means for the relationship.

    Being true to yourself is equally as important.

    Whatever you do just remember the potential consequences and i wish you the best of luck.

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by Luckyfish View Post
    Hi DtigerL.

    How long have you too been together? over a year

    Is this the one you intend to marry? at some point

    Im very quick to get guilty over such things and if the guilt is really eating into you i suggest you tell her.

    I just went ahead and told my wife and she was more ok with it then me.

    However i was still new to this scene,and even though it really went well i still struggle with acceptance.

    The point is if you go around doing it behind her back and want to be forthcoming remember,depending on how open minded she is, it could cost you the relationship.

    It could also make her think differently of you so be confident and forthcoming about what this means for the relationship.

    Being true to yourself is equally as important.

    Whatever you do just remember the potential consequences and i wish you the best of luck.
    I'm gonna think on it a while longer this is a big deal I might do a little digging but if anything it needs to be very subltle

    ---------- Post added at 09:34 ---------- Previous post was at 08:42 ----------

    I may try my hardest to quit again I know that it will always bother me cause deep down it will keep taunting me. Its the easy option but its also the hardest on me. I just dont wanna screw up a good thing and I constantly feel guilt that I indulge (binge purge cycle). I lost a whole night of sleep over it thinking about it running it over and over thinking of possible outcomes. I'm trusting my instincts for now well see where that takes me. Decisions like this can't be taken lightly. Sometimes I wish this part of me would just dissapear cause I'm tired of constantly thinking about it and worrying what others may think it's exhausting. I'm sorry I just havn't slept all night cause of thinking about all this...

  4. #4
    littlepacifiergirl

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    Quote Originally Posted by DtigerL View Post
    *try to quit (again)* just for her
    *take the risk and tell her and hope for the best*
    *continue to hide it from her*
    :
    I'll do my best to analyze those three options.

    Try to quit for her - There's a strong possibility this won't work. Taking these feelings and totally ignoring them for a long time would likely mean that when it comes back it will come back stronger. If you can do it, it will completely solve your problem but you're very likely to fail and become more frustrated going this route.

    Take the risk and Tell her - From what I can tell your GF is pretty nice and open minded. Keeping this in mind I'd read some of the articles like this one, that have common questions she might ask you. Yes rejection may be a possibility but this is also a test of the strength of your relationship. If you're successful at this then your relationship will only grow stronger.

    Continue to hide it from her - If now or in the future you move in together you will find keeping it a secret an impossible task. Even worse if she finds all of your stuff then you're not there to answer the questions and set the tone, and this could end very badly.

    So your best option would probably be to tell her.

  5. #5

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    Based on my most recent experience with a g/f...TELL HER. You've set it up nicely, now just think of a way of perhaps turning it into a guessing game.

  6. #6

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    Well I'm gonna think on it a bit more I didn't get any sleep at all last night from thinking about it. Furthermore all the related stress is making me sick (like feeling like you have to throw up to the point you want too,,but you cant). I'm in no condition to tell her today regardless.

  7. #7

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    Even when it works out well it is nerve-wracking. Don't beat yourself up for feeling nervous.

    My only comment is that it's easy to see this interest as defining you. In my experience, she is unlikely to see it in that way. It's simply a part of you -- a small and vulnerable part that is afraid of being rejected. Since she clearly loves you, the fact you are nervous could make her nervous as well. Let her know at the start that you are not nervous because you have some big, huge thing to drop on her, but because you want to share a part of you that is embarrassing or difficult to share. That will encourage her to take a caring stance toward you. That may help calm your nerves and it may help her be more understanding about what you have to share.

    If you think about it, this is a very intimate moment for the two of you. You are going to share something with her you haven't shared with anyone else. Maybe you can reframe your nerves in that way. Who wouldn't be nervous?

    I wish you the best. This is a hard issue.

  8. #8
    paul19

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    Well you just reminded me about an x girlfriend that I had. I was with her for 4 years and I thought she would dump me if I ever told her.so one time while I was over at her house I finally got the nerve to tell her. So i did. As soon as I told her she seemed alittle surprised at first and then she told me to go into her room with her. So I did, once I was in tuere she opended her closet door and took out 3 luggage bags and opened them and they were full of diapers. She was a abdl too! I was so shocked and we both laughed. She also confessed to seating diapers on several occasions when we were together. And we spent the rest of the night diapered and changing each other. Too bad we broke it off later. But my point is you never know what might happen even the unexpected may occur. And I'm not saying it will be the same for you which it woukd be great for you if it was but

  9. #9

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    If you intend on this relationship going anywhere in the future you basically have to tell her. relationships are built on trust and full disclosure, not secrets, it's up to both of you to uphold that pact. Don't try quitting, I've gone down the same road as you, even after my gf (over a year as well) told me she didn't really care as long as she wasn't involved; I still tried to quit because of my own self loathing and hatred... life is meant to be a happy thing where you can be who you want to be, not so you can be what others want you to be. If she doesn't love you after you explain your full side of the story, sadly she may not be for you. I'm not saying she has to be into your fetish, just that she has to be accepting of you.

    As for the manliness aspect of it to your girlfriend, that's a shallow, immature road to follow down. you have to be the best person you can be to be happy, besides judgement is relative, lumberjacks can think that a tough guy isn't a man, and a tough guy can think that a cross dresser isn't a man, and so on.

    Here's what you have to do:
    Tell her!
    explain it's like a comfort blanket of sorts
    explain that you use this to unfold and relax
    explain that you don't constantly shit yourself and rarely use the diaper
    explain it's a part of you which you've struggled with for a long time
    explain that you don't expect her to take any part in it (because that's just selfish, let's be honest here)

    If she takes it terribly bad even after that... you were done from the start. imagine you indulging yourself 20 years down the road in marriage with her, she accidentally finds out, this equals lost of trust, rage, and fear for what else you're hiding from her.

  10. #10

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    I have had several experiences introducing diapers into a relationship; whether it was both of us or one of us, my idea was only rejected once by a very boring girl. Her acceptance of it has a lot to do with her personality, which you probably know very well by now so that gives you an edge. You can usually make some educated assumptions based on what kinds of things she likes; whether they be regular things or boyfriend-girlfriend/intimiate things. The type of girls who accept diaper-wearing as OK or even attractive are usually very outgoing. She would not be a self-concious type of person by nature, and she will definitely have a very "soft side" or a side of her that likes to act a little childish. This is easy to tell by what kinds of things she may sound funny, and the opposite is also true.

    The best thing you can do if you haven't told her yet is to bring it up "by accident" (no pun intended) such as watching a movie or show that contains *B/DL references, ideas, people, etc., that way you can bring up the subject without revealing that you like them. This works to great effect sometimes, and if she has a good reaction to your positivity about the diapers then you're probably all set! If she says something like, "I don't get why anyone would want to do that." then you're probably better off keeping it to yourself. Remember, once you tell someone, it's no longer a secret, even if you really trust that person. Good Luck!

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