So I guess I should give an intro (I've seen many a thread about why, and who you are, I'll try to answer both here) and then go on to my predicament.
Ok, I'm 23 and a grad school student currently living in the Boston area (as are a large majority of students due to the like 70 colleges here), I went to school in the southeast to a major state university where college is king. Did the whole college thing, frat et al. Met the girl of my dreams in my senior year, and am currently doing long distance. This was the boring biographical stuff, which will be important later.
Ok, now the important parts. My first salient memory of diapers after potty training (which i only have 1 memory of, showing off my new potty) was when I was around 8, I was at my great uncles house and asked to try on one of my 3 year old cousins diapers, they said yes, but no peeing in them. I just remember being very comfortable when I was wearing them. I then went about 7 years without another thought to diapers, then I saw a show (I think it was real sex on hbo) with a segment on an ab, and it brought back the memories of the diaper at my great uncles house, which caused me to hit the internet. I then experimented with making my own diapers or stealing baby ones, neither of which made me happy, but thanks to dpf I was able to at east read stories to indulge in my fantasy.
I didn't have a traumatic childhood, my parents didnt abuse me, or any of that other stuff. I was under a lot of pressure to succeed though, and in elementary and middle school I was somewhat ostracized (but who doesn't feel that way about middle school?). I see the "little time" in my life as the one time where there was no pressure on my (if you need some psychoanalyst stuff in the story).
Fast forward to 19, I'm a sophomore in college with 1 roommate who left for the summer, so I go hog wild ordering diapers online (college was in a small town where everywhere has students working) and a onesie and baby food and other stuff. About two weeks later I have a guilt attack and purge my collection.
This summer I again buy diapers and underjams and wear them for a couple of weeks, but feel guilty and yet again purge. I now have moved to boston and have yet again ordered diapers (ecure xplus because bambino never has smalls!) and a onezie (which I have promised myself not to purge since i know ill want one again if i do). I will of course have to hide this stuff because i have a roomate I barely know who nos nothing of this part of me.
This actually leads into my next point, NO ONE knows this part of me. This is the first time I've ever told anyone besides myself that I'm an abdl. Literally no one has any idea. Which brings me to my dilemma, I want to tell my girlfriend about my fantasy/fetish. Here's the rub though, I'm pretty sure she'll be repulsed, because when an underjams commercial comes on she almost always comments on how her children won't be wearing those because its gross. I've commented back about how it lets them be a kid (they should control themselves), but she usually wont respond if I say something like "it's better than the alternative". However she has also said I have a long way until I pass her kink limit in the bed rooms (we've done lite spanking and the ilk)
So here's the question, how do I tell her, because I really want to. I'm already assuming I must do it in person because it is a big thing in the relationship, but I also don't want to ruin one of our few weekends together. I also don't want to wait until the end of a trip though because I don't want her to dwell on it until we talk again.
I figure my intro will be something like, 'I want to tell you something I've never told anyone before'.
What do you guys think, and any advice?