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Thread: The woman gave me the "serious business" talk.

  1. #1

    Default The woman gave me the "serious business" talk.

    Well, although she calls me her boyfriend, I have quite a scorn for her. But when I told her that there's no way that I'm going to quit being an AB just out of the blue, she goes on a rant, a bit something like this:

    "You can't change the past, you have to go forward. I want the **** (Name censored) I knew and loved, not a grown man who acts like a child!"

    I respond with what I truly believe:

    "There will come a day where I'll give this up, but that day is NOT today. As long as arrogant demands from others keep stacking up, there will never be a day where I don't get away from the world by living in my happy place. You'll never understand it, because your judgement is clouded."

    She believes that day can be today. I don't believe her at all, is it wrong that I post-pone this? Even though she's stated she won't marry me until I've established myself with a real job and such. I don't think I really want to marry her, she doesn't make me happy.

  2. #2


    Man If someone really loves you they have to accept you for who you are. You shouldn't have to change who you are to please someone else. A significant other should love you regardless of your quirks and should be supportive. Of course you can't neglect real world things putting food on the table and paying the bills is whats important as long as your doing that why shouldn't you be able to do whatever you enjoy at the end of the day. Furthermore If she doesn't make you happy then shes most likely not best for you. I hope I didn't offend anyone I'm only trying to help.

  3. #3


    "I don't think I really want to marry her, she doesn't make me happy. "

    I dont mean to be blunt... but there you have it.

  4. #4


    Until there's a clear intention for both to spend your lives together, you answer to yourself and your own internal sense of what's right. We all need to change for people we love. We don't need to change for people we're dating unless we want to.

    In general, I see two reasons for dating. The first is to have some fun with no strings. The other is trying to see if this is a person you'd like to spend your life with. I get the sense you're viewing things as the latter. Now I could be getting a skewed perspective as you aren't particularly pleased with her at the moment, but... why are you staying with her, exactly? You've stated that she doesn't accept you, you don't respect her judgement, and she doesn't make you happy. On the contrary, it sounds like she makes you rather unhappy. My opinion: move out, move on.

    Aside: There's something to be said for having money. Some of the best couples can have stress put on their relationship, and money can be a big one. When me and my (now) fiancee first moved in together, we went immediately to shared finances. She had a job that didn't pay a living wage; so many people have a BS in Biology that you can hire one for less than what it costs to make ends meet. I knew I was stuck in a job I hated until I could convince her to move on from that one; ultimately, she didn't move on until she get berated in a performance review so the company could deny her a raise, despite her being the most effective worker in her division by far. I love her more than I can express, and you better believe it was very, very hard getting up and going to a job I hated every day because I knew I had to earn enough to support both of us, while I couldn't get her to look at other jobs because she wasn't fed up enough with that one yet to leave it. Lack of money is a MAJOR source of strife in relationships when the amount you have hovers right at the amount you need to live. Don't ever move in with someone unless you're accepting of their financial situation. I don't blame her for stipulating you need a job.

  5. #5


    If she is making your life miserable, than she doesn't deserve to be in your life. I don't think you should ever stop being an AB. If it makes you happy and isn't getting in the way of life or anything like that, than there is no reason to stop. It sounds like this woman doesn't understand you. Maybe she thought she did once but didn't really. I think you should leave her.

  6. #6


    Quote Originally Posted by squashNstretch View Post
    "I don't think I really want to marry her, she doesn't make me happy. "

    I dont mean to be blunt... but there you have it.

    I mean maybe you just wrote that out of being disappointed in her right now but saying she doesn't make you happy is a big red flag which is on fire, in a nursing home. Don't cut the tree down yet, but don't tie yourself to someone you don't want to spend the rest of your life with.

  7. #7


    Based on your post, I don't see a long-term relationship working between the two of you. Being an AB is something that is part of your true self. If she can't accept that, then she can't accept you for who you really are. When she says she wants the _____(you) she knew and loved, then she wants someone that doesn't truly exist.

    Of course, I don't think it is possible for someone to be 100% supportive of everything that another person does. However, I believe finding a compromise for those "harder-to-accept" things is key to a healthy relationship. It is unfair that your "girlfriend" expects you to change who you are, yet she is unwilling to change her perception on your AB-ism. She should at least accept that you are an AB and as a compromise, you could try to leave her out of it as much as possible. That simple agreement would probably make things better for the two of you. All of that being said, however, I don't think pursuing this relationship is worth the risk.

    Like others have pointed out, if she does not make you happy, then there you have it. A lot of people suffer in relationships because they don't want to admit to themselves that they are unhappy. If you KNOW you feel this way about her, then don't postpone the inevitable.

    Whatever you decide to do, I wish you luck and I hope things turn for the best.


  8. #8


    Quote Originally Posted by Warlock918 View Post
    "You can't change the past, you have to go forward. I want the **** (Name censored) I knew and loved, not a grown man who acts like a child!"
    She must realize that this is a part of the man whom she loved and if she really loves you something so small and stupid really should not be getting in the way of marriage.
    Marriage is a commitment to go with your partner through life, and through life's "problems." Honestly if something as insignificant as this is already bringing stress to your relationship your looking at a marriage that could quite possibly end unsuccessfully.

    Of course it sounds like both of you are frustrated right now and you must love each other to some degree so if this is just a recent event I wouldn't rush to end your relationship.

  9. #9


    i dont see any love in there i see two people not understanding eachother and you saying you dont want to live with her
    maybe its something i dont know yet?

  10. #10


    I'm confused over you statement that you won't give up diapers now, but will later. Usually, we are stuck with these desires for our whole lives. What makes you think that you will be able to give it up?

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