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Thread: Family and feelings...

  1. #1

    Default Family and feelings...

    This is a problem I've dealt with for years and I was wondering if anyone else felt the same way about family.

    First off, don't get me wrong; I love my family but not in large doses. I would rather avoid the large gatherings like the one I have scheduled for tomorrow at my folks house and I am NOT comfortable around my exteneded family AT ALL. It's all of my sisters, aunts, cousins and other family members. UGH. At least one of my sisters has a built-in excuse, she lives in Arizona. I only wish I had that option- That I lived clear across the US of A.

    I feel like at times my father thinks more about his feelings rather than anyone else's because of the fact he's rather estranged from his own family due to a religious conflict that's been going on since before I was even born. I feel like he's letting his feelings overtake anyone else's personal feelings. I would much rather just do a small thing with my parents rather than with large, extened family and feeling as ostracized as I do around family. It's also the crowd mentality. I'm not comfortable in family crowds.

    I feel different than everyone else in the family and I hate feeling like I'm being judged because I am so different. It's never easy on me. I am really dreading this thing. Last event I had back in December with family was a royal suck-fest and I couldn't wait to get back to my hometown and get hammered drunk.

    I have a question for my fellow ADISCers, do you feel the same way around family? Do you feel different from your family and do you dread family events as I do? Do you also feel very pressured around family as well; even though you do love them?

    For some reason it's that way with family only, never around friends for some reason. Maybe it's cause I feel like my friends don't judge me like family does.


  2. #2


    There are multiple family sides that I deal with.

    One side is my father's side of the family--we are spread out across the States and world. I love this side of my family dearly and enjoy the times that I do spend with them. We get along well though I do not spend a lot of time with them. I am just not a very social person.

    Another side is my wife's family. They are tolerable (this is also my wife's opinion of them) and we do not visit them much because of where they are all located. There are plenty of phone calls back and forth, I get along with them OK, but again, my wife and I are just not overly social people.

    The last major side is my mother's side (includes my sister). I cannot stand to be around them as I constantly feel pressured to keep up a facade and be something I am not. They deride me for doing things that have "disappointed" them, even though I have done quite well in my own eyes as well as in the opinion of the other sides of the family. No 'disappointment' is ever forgotten about, no matter how trivial or how long ago.

    Some sides of my family are the sort of people I would enjoy getting drunk with, while others are ones that I would get drunk to avoid.

  3. #3


    Well, my dad's side of the family is almost like it doesn't exsist. They are all Catholics and he left the Catholic church and became Pentecostal. His side of the family disowned him. To him that may be a big thing, but since I never knew any of them,,,,I can't miss what I never knew. My mother's side of the family requires a lot of tolerance. It seems that they are always bickering about something. And for some reason, those on my mom's side of the family don't like my dad.

    My wife's side of the family also require a LOT of tolerance. Her older bother is very materialistic. Her younger brother lives a distance away and is only occasionaly heard from. Her father is a self proclaimed handy man and is always 'too busy' to be bothered to ask for help with anything.

    My sister is married and the family she married into is awesome! It is a BIG family (with all its gandmas, gandpas, aunts, uncles, nephews, nieces, cousins) they are about 34 or so in number. I get along GREAT with them. We've even taken awesome vacations with them like house boating for a whole week on Lake Cumberland, or staying in a mountain chalet in Gatlinberg, or going on a cruise into the caribbean.

    So I guess, all in all, I am fairly happy with my situation. Granted it could be better, but it also could be a LOT worse.

  4. #4


    I enjoyed our family get together during Christmas, but it also included my brother in law who is a very odd individual. He's never really worked for a living, and still lives with his 90 year old mother. I'm not sure what we will do with him when she dies, but he can't live with us. We took him in for half a year 15 years ago when his health crashed, because of cigarettes, alcohol and cocaine.

    The rest of us get along very well. They include my mother in law and all of our children, daughter and son in law as well as the grand children. I never see my cousins as we were never close. They abused me when I was in grade school, so badly that my parents moved.

  5. #5


    Yeah, I'm not very close with much of my family either. My parents got divorced and remarried in my childhood, so there's family everywhere but no one that I really enjoy being with. I can't relate to a lot of my family members, and the large gatherings are just abysmal because I end up alone in the crowd of people or just hovering around my siblings.
    The only side of my family I really enjoy is my step-dad's. His parents are adventurous despite their age and still go kayaking and hiking a lot.

    Because of all this I refer to a lot of my friends as family. There's more kinship there than with any blood ties; plus I can actually have fun and just talk for hours with them.

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