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Thread: Not sure if this is the right place ...

  1. #1

    Default Not sure if this is the right place ...

    To post this, but, here goes. I'm not "incontinent," I don't think, per the usual definition(s). But.

    I feel like I should probably be diapered most, if not all, of the time. (But for the cost, hassle, and fear of discovery, who knows, maybe I would be.) I've been a DL for as long as I can remember. Lately I've been indulging a bit of the 'AB' side, as well (baby powder, ABU diapers, etc).

    My bladder isn't the problem. Messing is.

    It's weird. Very, very weird. To me, at least. I'm a fairly successful man in my 30s. I have a small collection of late-model European exotic vehicles. My pens are all German, my watches all Swiss. I have made-to-measure shirts on under my Italian suits, on those days when I have to wear a suit (pretty much just court hearings and, since I'm in Federal court almost exclusively, and since FRCP 78 and L.R. 7-15 are liberally applied by the judges in our (busiest in the country) local district, that's rare). My office is two floors down from the top of the building in the tallest building in a city you've heard of. (The TV show bearing its name ran for 9 seasons; a new show with just the zip code is on TV now...)

    But I still mess my pants. (And have, since at least well into grade school -- 3rd grade maybe?)

    Not every day. But often enough I don't think I have a single pair of boxers without skid marks. Seriously. It's happened at the office. It's happened at home. I've been embarrassed out at lunch with colleagues. Etc. (And maybe it's not every day because I'm a "not exactly recovered" anorexic, and, frankly, don't have to go #2 all that often...)

    And it's not like I just let loose. More like I try (and partially, but messily manage) to 'hold it.'

    I can't figure it out... My only clue (and this could just be distraction / excuse?):

    For a while I was seeing various trauma therapists (at Castlewood, outpatient locally, and at River Oaks' New Orleans Institute). Whether or not you buy into the "IFS" (Internal Family System) model -- and I'm not sure I do ... A consensus seems to be that I have several 'parts.'

    There's some sort of unregulated ultra-emotional toddler. A ~9ish kid, adrift, who'd rather be playing with G.I. Joe action figures than doing his 'homework.' A pissed off at the world "F you I won't do what you tell me!" adolescent (who's thrilled he can bring the power of an S65B40 to his teenage speed racer fantasies). A hyper logical dual-doctorate (comp. sci. and juris) "Mr. Spock" litigator.

    As best as I can grok, the ~9 year old doesn't want to be interrupted from his focus (when I was actually around that age -- maybe 12 or 13? though I remember reading a magazine article about a kid who sold his first commercial program at age 11, and consoling myself with the fact that "I still had time," so... -- I worked day and night for a summer, writing my own operating system in 6502 assembly. It almost worked!) to go to the bathroom.

    Meh. I don't even know. How nuts am I?

  2. #2


    I think if you hang out long enough you'll see that you're only as nuts as everyone else. Poke around the website and you'll find someone with a story just like yours.
    There's a veil of anonymity here but I know that there are people from every walk of life with every kind of reason from physical to mental for being here.
    Dive in and make some friends! I'd suggest posting a 'hello message' in the Welcome Forum here :Greetings / Introductions

  3. #3


    This is a great support group where you can learn a lot. Be sure you read the rules 3 times and then participate as often as you can

  4. #4


    Your not on your own, I also have a slight messing problem to. I recently came out on ADISC as IC

  5. #5


    I think sometimes the sphincter muscle just doesn't close as tightly as it should. There could be a lot of physical reasons, so you might see a doctor about all of this. There have been some on this site who say that stress and other psychological problems contribute to this as well. I believe that stress could be a factor, or if you stand on your feet all day because of work. Anything is possible, but until you get some medical advise, you'll never know.

  6. #6


    I can appreciate the concern - I worked in the Court system in UK for most of my career and being caught short during a 3 hour stint before a judge is no fun. On the positive side it sounds from the description that something less than full "pants filling" is the problem - if this is the case then be thankful because at least the problem is fairly containable. My suggestion would be to build on the open acceptance of the problem demonstrated by this post and think about all possible "damage limitation" strategies. Do this thinking and then you might be able to stop worrying so much. Lessening stress might help the problem solve itself, but in any event will give you a happier life. As you have looked at the psychological aspects in some detail it might be time (if you haven't already) to have the physical component checked by a doctor.

    Good luck with this

  7. #7

  8. #8


    Hey all, thanks for not being ... castigating.

    It's not a muscle problem, it's a ... focus? problem. I don't get up from what I'm doing (even my 'work' feels a lot like playing, albeit Dogbert-style ... "Bah!" ) when I get 'the urge,' and the result is ... messed boxers. :/ Been that way since I was a kid. Never "grew out of it." (Never "grew out of" a lot of things. )

    (Stress is an issue, but (I don't think?) not in this instance...)

    @fryeguy - yup, I'm blessed. Though if I'm being wholly honest, I really, really miss the S54B32 from my E46. And being even more honest, my next car will almost certainly be 3.8L H6 powered. (I like Regensburg. But I love -- and miss -- my Zuffenhausen-sourced steeds. A little less GT, a little more 'sport.' I'll probably have to get something like an A3 for the dogs, though.)

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