My apologies for the upcoming over-use of (brackets).
I will introduce myself properly this time.
I am a 19 AB/DL (mainly DL, not so much AB) from Israel. A Gay. (not the only one in the village though, sorry daffyd..)
I am a classical musician.
I try to make sense of my AB/DL self, and not having a partner doesn't exactly help.
And this bothers me probably all the time, at least subconciously. Wanting to love someone cute (maybe even ginger, like me!), that isn't overly obsessed with ab\dl culture (at a certain level it starts to seem artificial and foreign to me, because my childhood is a very personal thing to me, and most of the pictures i see don't quite get it, except a few and only to some extent), but can sometimes suddenly load himself and smile, and I'll look at him and love him so much, and smile and hug him and kiss him sweetly, as a partner in a sweet secret...
and maybe, thanks to him sharing the abdl things with me, I'll be able to just be open with someone like when I was a kid and had no shame, beyond abdl things. Just be real, and filterless. Exist in my true form.
In the meantime the only decent abdl I know from Israel doensn't exactly contact me actively, or at all, and I allways revert to frantically browsing through somewhat irrelevant and boring pictures of diaper groins, trying to find pictures of couples. They exist, but they're pretty rare and exausting to find. (tip: search 'friend'...-_-)
A few figures that make up my culture:
Peter pan, who I will eventually meet (yes[!], I probably will. He's a part time diaper lover btw).
siegfried from Swan lake (the ballet), with his tragic struggle to unite with his beloved odette at the last minute, the swans slipping away through his fingers at the end of the second act as they fly away across the stage...
Tchaikovsky's music is urgent. He was gay, and he was seperated form his mother while young. She died young of cholera. maybe he had some ab\dl elements in him... the child prince, robbed from his mother, urgently searches for his love in the homophobic world of the 19th century. I had once dedicated a piece I wrote to him and some straight crushes I had.
I once wanted be a ballet dancer, but that kinda went away due to the overshadowing shame in my life. Tights are lovely. Both peter and siegfried agree.
Anyone that wants to know how being a classical musician ab\dl feels like, follow the links: 'La Valse', by Maurice Ravel. It's what happens when the past spirals in a dazzling and haunting dance.
better if accompanied by childhood pictures and footage. (not)
Ravel - La Valse (1/2) - YouTube
Ravel - La Valse (2/2) - YouTube
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