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Thread: Controlled Insanity

  1. #1

    Default Controlled Insanity

    I get by day by day. I appreciate the small things, I love thy fellow man, I smile when I'm out in public, I try to put a glimmer of hope in society.

    It makes me feel good when i go into a gas station and make an unhappy clerk smile. I make them smile by saying thank you, and have a nice day.

    Every adult i associate with (outside of my parents) know the real me and they say I have a heart the size of texas, and my mindset was lost in the 60's. Why it was lost? Society has gotten dumber, and lost there manners (holding the door open, saying thank you, etc, etc.). Now when you are growing up you obtain manners by picking them up from your parents. Now when your parents don't have any the kid doesn't get them.

    Now I don't know how I picked up on them, honestly, my dad is a dick, and my mom is a controlling b*tch. And you don't know how bad it feels to be taken advantage of by the people who raised you. They don't care who I am, they just want free labor.

    I have survived this long by constructing a shell for myself, my real self to live in. My shell is tough, and it protects me.

    I was in 7th grade when I made this shell, so I was about 13. I was bullied, and pushed around by my parents and friends, so I made a shell to hide my true self, and protect him from the real world. Now my shell is a double edged sword, it always has been. It's keeping my from being myself. Although it's getting weaker and weaker as the days pass by.

    My true self is and has been coming out for awhile now. But the fact is I need my shell. As schizophrenic as this sounds, it is true, My true self and my shell need to be in perfect balance, and work together. My shell needs to turn on when I get out into the big bad world, and then my true self needs to pop out from time to time, and be a loving sweet-heart. As of right now the shell is in control (about 80%).


    If you didn't notice my true self is my little side, and my shell is my adult side.

    I am going to add more to this as I progress.

    Achieving perfect balance won't be easy

  2. #2

    Default

    "A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?"

    -Albert Einstein

  3. #3

    Default

    Everyone one is crazy, I mean you would go nuts, if you were totally sane.

  4. #4

    Default

    I try to be courteous to my fellow man and try to help people with small things like telling them their shoe is untied or saying hello to the elderly and such. I try, but I do have some social anxiety issues that made it difficult to interact with most people, but I gained more control over it as I got older. I hate teenagers at my school and people in general who treat people with such disrespect when they most certainly do not deserve it. As for your shell I may have some advice. In Taoist philosophy there are two forces in the universe as well as in the human body, Yin and Yang. Yin being negative and Yang being positive, as their is no good/evil in Taoism they are both equal. The two forces work together to push themselves in perfect balance and harmony. So what you are referring to as your shell is just your Yang energy (yang being masculine) and the you, you are trying to protect is you Yin energy, but they are both equally a part of you as one driving force. They are interconnected and interdependent. They are not two forces but two halves working together to be one.
    Anyway just something to think about, google it if it sounds interesting enough. Good Luck!

  5. #5

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Wazzle View Post
    I try to be courteous to my fellow man and try to help people with small things like telling them their shoe is untied or saying hello to the elderly and such. I try, but I do have some social anxiety issues that made it difficult to interact with most people, but I gained more control over it as I got older. I hate teenagers at my school and people in general who treat people with such disrespect when they most certainly do not deserve it. As for your shell I may have some advice. In Taoist philosophy there are two forces in the universe as well as in the human body, Yin and Yang. Yin being negative and Yang being positive, as their is no good/evil in Taoism they are both equal. The two forces work together to push themselves in perfect balance and harmony. So what you are referring to as your shell is just your Yang energy (yang being masculine) and the you, you are trying to protect is you Yin energy, but they are both equally a part of you as one driving force. They are interconnected and interdependent. They are not two forces but two halves working together to be one.
    Anyway just something to think about, google it if it sounds interesting enough. Good Luck!
    That fits my thoughts on adult babies. There are two types of adult babies. . . 1 is the super baby, they are children with high intelligence and stuck in a body that's older than they really are. They have both halves working together in perfect harmony (that's what I'm trying to do). These people usually lead a happier life. While the second type is an adult that is also a baby, they have both halves working against each other, both trying to take total control. These adult babies usually suffer from the binge and purge cycle, and tend to live a depressing life.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rooky View Post
    That fits my thoughts on adult babies. There are two types of adult babies. . . 1 is the super baby, they are children with high intelligence and stuck in a body that's older than they really are. They have both halves working together in perfect harmony (that's what I'm trying to do). These people usually lead a happier life. While the second type is an adult that is also a baby, they have both halves working against each other, both trying to take total control. These adult babies usually suffer from the binge and purge cycle, and tend to live a depressing life.
    Lovely post.
    You have actually summed up a path to acceptance.
    Well done!

  7. #7

    Default

    I would like to point out that children have a sixth sense of some sort. They can sense our innocence. I went to my aunts for x-mas, and as soon as I got there my 4 year old cousin was playing with his toys, he then looked up at me and ran to me and asked if I wanted to play. Now this came as a shock to me because a month before that (on Thanksgiving) he was avoiding me, didn't even know who I was really.
    My shell was at about 99% control then.
    When I walk through a grocery store, babies always seem to stare at me like I was one of them.

  8. #8

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Rooky View Post
    When I walk through a grocery store, babies always seem to stare at me like I was one of them.
    lol. I sometimes feel that way too.
    Yesterday I was at my cousins house and he has 2 four year old twins, one of them ran up and jumped me. I had to sit at the adult table, but there was still a strong urge in me to go play with them.
    Where I live, i find people to be cruel and rude to each other. I once saw a 20 something year old girl go through heavy glass doors of a mall indifferent to who was behind her and just let the door hit back. The guy behind her was a 20 something year old with one of his legs amputated at the knee and had crutches. Seeing him struggling to open the door, I felt a surge of pain for him and anger towards the girl and ran, heavy grocery bags and all to open the door for him. I can`t understand how people can just let their hearts grow cold like that. Everyone deserves to be treated with love and understanding regardless of how strong, weak, independent or able they are. It`s not about pity, just empathy.
    Playing with young children reminds me of the innocence and genuineness we are made of when we are small, and it lets me go back for a moment where I didn`t have to shell it up every time I met someone who was likely to judge me. I think good mental health is letting the kid inside sometimes come out and play, and leave the stress and hurt of the real world stay behind.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by GirlInStilettos View Post
    I think good mental health is letting the kid inside sometimes come out and play, and leave the stress and hurt of the real world stay behind.
    That is what being a "super baby" is all about.

  10. #10
    funseeker

    Default

    Few people today are normal by definition. To be sane maybe is a gift but the whole world has gone crazy especially our government.

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