I get by day by day. I appreciate the small things, I love thy fellow man, I smile when I'm out in public, I try to put a glimmer of hope in society.
It makes me feel good when i go into a gas station and make an unhappy clerk smile. I make them smile by saying thank you, and have a nice day.
Every adult i associate with (outside of my parents) know the real me and they say I have a heart the size of texas, and my mindset was lost in the 60's. Why it was lost? Society has gotten dumber, and lost there manners (holding the door open, saying thank you, etc, etc.). Now when you are growing up you obtain manners by picking them up from your parents. Now when your parents don't have any the kid doesn't get them.
Now I don't know how I picked up on them, honestly, my dad is a dick, and my mom is a controlling b*tch. And you don't know how bad it feels to be taken advantage of by the people who raised you. They don't care who I am, they just want free labor.
I have survived this long by constructing a shell for myself, my real self to live in. My shell is tough, and it protects me.
I was in 7th grade when I made this shell, so I was about 13. I was bullied, and pushed around by my parents and friends, so I made a shell to hide my true self, and protect him from the real world. Now my shell is a double edged sword, it always has been. It's keeping my from being myself. Although it's getting weaker and weaker as the days pass by.
My true self is and has been coming out for awhile now. But the fact is I need my shell. As schizophrenic as this sounds, it is true, My true self and my shell need to be in perfect balance, and work together. My shell needs to turn on when I get out into the big bad world, and then my true self needs to pop out from time to time, and be a loving sweet-heart. As of right now the shell is in control (about 80%).
If you didn't notice my true self is my little side, and my shell is my adult side.
I am going to add more to this as I progress.
Achieving perfect balance won't be easy