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Thread: Religion and Family

  1. #1

    Question Religion and Family

    I know that it's a tough topic to talk about but I wanted to ask a question to see if someone could give me some good advice on this. I won't share my views just in case someone is offended by it and so I don't bring up any debate on here. Anyways so here's my situation. I'm a 17 year old kid with only one more semester of high school left. I currently live with my mom and step-dad. For a couple of years now I've been a different religion from them and I know from experience that if I told them about my little conversion I feel like they would lose most of their respect for me and the family would frown upon me. Both my mom and dad's sides of my family are all the same religion and anyone who isn't of that religion is more or less frowned upon, or begged to convert back. I haven't told anyone except for my step-brother, who is atheist along his mom and sister. He understands my situation completely and isn't really sure what I should do. I've felt for the longest time that I should tell both sides of my family starting with my parents. I know neither side would take it well though I feel it needs to be done. My mom's side of the family has threatened to kick me out of the house a couple of times, over a few trivial matters. and I have college level classes I'm taking at school. I can't afford that. Though at the same time everyone wants an open relationship from me. I could never convert back because the religion I have now has helped me so much and has actually made me a better person. I feel bad not telling them about it, though at the same time I feel like I might put my future on the line if I were to say something now. It stresses me out a good bit at times so I was wondering what your inputs would be.

    P.S. Sorry if this all has a bad structure to it. I tried writing as everything came to me so it might seem a bit sloppy. Anyways I appreciate any help I could get, and thanks in advance for any comments.

  2. #2


    You have a long life ahead of you. There is plenty of time to tell them when you are more independent and when any bad reaction that they have will impact you less.

  3. #3


    I won't pretend to know the best answer to your solution (being 16) but, in my opinion, if you feel informing your parents of your choice of religion is going to sour your relationship, you should refrain from telling them.

    I personally avoid subjects like politics or religion with people I know will be uncomfortable with the situation in order to keep the atmosphere harmonious.

    Also, I don't think you should feel bad about not telling it's normal for people to keep some things to themselves.

    Anyway, take my opinion for what it's worth, but in the end it's your decision.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  4. #4


    I'm a Methodist minister of music, and I too am advising that you not tell. Since you are from South Caroline, I would be willing to bet that your family is Baptist and probably conservative. It's not unusual for teens to rebel from their parents, striking outward with their own ideas. It's called growing up and becoming your own self. This is all part of the growth process.

    Keeping the peace with your family is more important than making a statement. Just bide your time until you are finished with college. If it helps any, once when I was home from college, I went to church with my parents, and during the sermon, I pulled out a book of poetry and quietly started reading. My mom was furious. Acting the fool is a right of passage for all teenagers. It's okay. Just be cool and keep you religion to yourself. You will be happier and your parents will be happy in their uninformed bliss, probably a place where they deserve to be...teehee. Hang in there. This will eventually pass with time.

  5. #5


    thank you all. I was planning on waiting for a while, but lately the thought just keeps coming up more and more. I'm glad that I'm not the only one who feels that way. Inconinmiss: I'm sure your right about that. I'll tell them eventually but I don't want their reaction to have such a big impact on me. CuriousGuy: I'm only a year older and I like to keep an open mind to everyone's thoughts no matter how old they are. That's been my mindset for a while now actually. dogboy: you actually guessed it dead on. I'm sure there will be a better time, and after college actually sounds perfect. I'll do my best not tell them for now. Though church is going to be hard to sit through for a while. lol

  6. #6


    My advice will be short, but that's because I think there's little to really debate here.

    I think you can tell at some point in the future. However, now would be a bad time.

    You always need to judge best and worse case scenarios, and hope for the best but prepare for the worst. Not only does it sound like 'worst' is pretty bad, but it sounds waaaay more likely best. And as you said, the 'worst' that could happen isn't going to work for your life.

    Make a list- which you can get rid of when done- of all the things stopping you from telling them for practical reasons (needing somewhere to live). What do you need to achieve to get past them? Finish high school? Finish college? Have a job and place to live? Once you've addressed those concerns, go for it. Not sooner.

  7. #7


    I am a different religion than my Family too, at least mom and sister.

    If they ask i just say i am still what they are, to avoid annoying arguments and their "OMFG YOUR GOING TO GO TO HELL" comments.

    IMO this is a topic that the phrase "let sleeping dogs lay" goes well.

  8. #8

  9. #9
    Butterfly Mage


    My experience with dealing with family members has been pretty bitter and painful, so know that ahead of time.

    My advice is this: try your very best to have the outward appearance of suitability to your parents until you are in a living situation where they are unable to yank the rug from beneath your feet. If they offer to pay your college tuition if you offer them surface compliance, then do it. Get whatever you can out of your parents before they cook up some reason to disown you.

    It never fails to crack me up how so many parents think they love their children "unconditionally" when in fact they routinely impose extremely rigid conditions that they would never consider imposing on their friends.

  10. #10


    as everyone is saying i wouldnt tell until after college. But i do think it is important after college to tell them, and if there arent accepting thats there loss.

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