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Thread: Fitting in... it never gets easier.

  1. #1

    Default Fitting in... it never gets easier.

    I thought this would be a good topic to discuss. Fitting in, is it hard for others too? Well, I am also an Aspie so that can be part of it as well.

    For years, I've had a hard time fitting in around because I am different than most people, I have a hard time relating to people in both the AB world and in the RL as well. However, fortune favor the bold, I feel I fit in better in the real world nowadays as friends know me better and I feel I can fit in even though deep down I know I'm the oddball out.

    I also sometimes find social situations hard sometimes. Especially if I am not comfortable in the situation. For example, when I know I won't be comfortable my whale, Dee Dee tags along in my backpack. She tags along whenever I have to deal with family- as I am not comfortable with my family all that well. Knowing she's there makes me feel better. And no, I don't take her out- I leave her there; I'm not that dumb.

    Even fitting in online is hard because I like to avoid the drama and flame wars that seem to pop up, plus I am not like most AB's, I can't stand cutesy crap- If I have to put up with it, I need double that amount of time on Call of Duty, Grand Theft Auto or Homefront.

    I have been thinking about this a lot. Sometimes I wonder where I stand in the AB world about fitting in as I feel so different. I am not one of the big ones that can socialize well with other AB's, I've had bad experiences and I have had a hard time just dealing with it off and on. It's hard for me to relate to other ABs because of those bad experiences and I always seem to run into nuts, wackos, weirdos and people who play with other people's emotions.

    For here at ADISC, I feel I can fit in but I know I am not popular and I admit that. I always have found fitting in hard, especially with other AB's. I find it hard because I don't relate well as I tend to live more in adult interests than baby interests for some reason. I think it's hard for me to turn my analytical brain off sometimes. Even my RL experiences with AB's have failed miserably because of people who play with other's emotions.

    The reason I have been thinking about this is because I just celebrated a birthday recently and a lot of things have been on my mind as I get older in life. Do others even as they get older in life have a hard time fitting in as I do? Just been wondering a lot about that lately.


  2. #2


    Social acceptance is something that nearly everybody desires from their peers. Being the oddball, the outcast, makes us feel vulnerable to those around us. I'm sure that nearly all of us have been through that stage. While I may be half as old as you, I have been through middle school and am almost through high school. It is difficult.

    After being the laughing stock of the school in the sixth grade that had three or four friends, I desperately sought a way to fit in with the group to deter myself from being the one picked on. Seventh grade was the year that I sucked up to everyone I met just to try to keep sixth grade from occurring again. It wasn't easy for my to kick myself into a completely different gear just for someone else, but it made me feel accepted. Looking back now, I was in denial. I may have been happy, but only because I was agreeing with everyone and being what everyone wanted me to be without even attempting to stick up for myself.

    Now I am a junior in high school, and boy things have changed. I am who I am. I am not afraid to be who I am. I am proud to be me. Some people may disagree with the person I am and ridicule me for it. At 17 years old, I am still occasionally bullied and harassed. But I don't even attempt to fit in anymore. Why? Because my friends are my friends; they know me for who I am. If somebody doesn't like you for who you are, then they aren't a true friend. Being myself has made me so much closer to the friends I have. I may be disliked by some people, but I refuse to change for them.

  3. #3


    I guess I've never really had a problem fitting in. My mother said to me a few weeks ago that at the age of 4 I could have stopped all the wars if they broadcast me on tv telling the countries leaders off... I'm not sure that's completely true, but it illustrates my point well, lol. I've always been friendly with people, even thought I'm quite weird. I've got a reputation for being a bit kooky and strange, but always friendly, bubbly and enthusiastic. It takes a lot to be a close friend of mine though...I think it's important to remember that it takes all sorts of people to make up the world, and as long as you've got people you're close to, who you can go out with and talk to, then you're doing pretty well

  4. #4


    I think I tend to annoy and ignore people, for that reason I do find it hard to fit in or feel like certain people actually do like me. More or less I always have a fear that the person I'm with has gotten tired of listening to me and just wants me to leave. As some people have said to me before my style of talking (or whatever they called it) is very unique. I don't really see if it is unique or not, I don't exactly ever show emotions in my speech, by the lack of them. So I guess my speech can come off as being bland, or logical maybe.

    But really, I don't consider fitting in a requirement for life, and in fact would prefer to be left alone with the exemption of a few people (who are all my best friends).

  5. #5
    Butterfly Mage


    Dear Wild: I completely understand what you mean about not being able to "fit in". As someone with a dissociative disorder, I am intimately familiar with how "normal" people invariably sense that there is something about me that is significantly amiss. And, of course, it is human nature to fear what one doesn't understand. I am typically able to maintain friendships for 1-3 years. After that, the person who was my friend gets sort of worn down from exposure to my non-humanity. I exude a different kind of presence. Even if you're not psychically aware and don't even believe in such things, I have been told that by others that they feel a kind of unnerving differentness about me. It sucks. It means I will never be able to sustain friendships. If I could just not feel the need to have friends, that would make my life easier.

    I am happy that I have a spouse that accepts me. That truly has been (and remains) a blessing. He has seen my brightest moments and has seen the heart of darkness, and still he does not fear me. So I fit in with him. For that, I am glad.

  6. #6


    Man I think I kinda know where you're coming from, for a long time I used to have the same thoughts or feelings on some of the items you raised, until I got tired of worrying about it. People have always regarded me as being a little odd and I'm aware that they don't always know how to take me.
    But here's the thing, you can only be who you are, so accept it, be comfortable with it, even relish it! We're all wildcards. If you think about it, no one really fits in, and yet everyone does. Maybe it's one of them "eye of the beholder" things. I wish I had some great wisdom or insight to share but that's about the best I can offer. There ain't a damn thing wrong with being odd, eccentric or different.

  7. #7


    I used to have a shirt about seven years ago that said "It's not that I am antisocial, I'm just not very friendly". When a co-worker saw it he said the shirt was wrong and that I was a very friendly person and that I was just antisocial. And its true, I am usually very polite and will help anyone out whether I've known them for a long time or it being a complete stranger. But when it comes to talking about incidental things or generally have fun with someone I clam up involuntarily. I've been hurt so many times in the past that whenever I try to do something social my defensive instincts kick in and make it almost impossible to connect with someone on a casual level. When it is business or formal I have no problem talking to people but as soon as it turns social I start studdering and stumbling over my words. So I guess you can say that I do not "fit in". I spent over ten years almost living like a hermit and trying to convince myself that I preferred living that way. Recently I have been actively fighting these instincts and been forcing myself into social situations. While I still stumble over my words and feel like a fool I am noticing that it is becoming slightly easier.

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