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Thread: A fairly good reason?

  1. #1

    Default A fairly good reason?

    Ok, so I know that this question has been asked a billion times, and the general consensus is, no don't tell your parents.
    Here is my conditions. I'm 22, single and i'll be moving back down to home, which means i'm moving into my parents house because it is cheaper, and i need to start saving money. I have a job lined up, so that makes things easier. If i had to, within time, i'd be able to move out of the house if hell broke loose.
    Two main reasons I'm contemplating telling my parents, is one, I don't like to lie to them, which i'v had to lately, because I have been meeting other Ab/Dl's near by, and I have had to come up with some story on how I happen to know a person if my parents ever call and ask what i'm up to out of the blue. This will also be a problem, as it is that i'm going to meet and probably hang out with a bit, another Ab/Dl that lives near my home, so i'm going to have to either come up with a story of how i instantly met a new friend, or i can just tell them he is part of my community, and hopefully be over with it at that point.
    The other reason is so I don't have to be worried so much about being found out while living back at home (also i'll be able to have stuff shipped to my house.)
    A little background, its just my parents at home now, so I know that if anything they would keep it to themselves. Also my dad already has been told, but it was under a different light, so he doesn't know i still am into it. He doesn't look at it as being a positive thing though, i know that.

    So in my circumstances, where would you go with this?
    Pros: No endless made up stories. They don't have to act suspicious about my behavior (they will already know whats up.)
    Cons: Parents know about something they really don't need to
    Possible boot out of house (meaning, takes longer to save money.)

  2. #2

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tyger View Post
    Two main reasons I'm contemplating telling my parents, is one, I don't like to lie to them, which i'v had to lately, because I have been meeting other Ab/Dl's near by, and I have had to come up with some story on how I happen to know a person if my parents ever call and ask what i'm up to out of the blue. This will also be a problem, as it is that i'm going to meet and probably hang out with a bit, another Ab/Dl that lives near my home, so i'm going to have to either come up with a story of how i instantly met a new friend, or i can just tell them he is part of my community, and hopefully be over with it at that point.
    If your father doesn't look at it as a positive thing, I wouldn't bring it up. I don't think there's anything wrong with moving back in with the parents at your age (hell, there's a decent chance my life dictates the same need in the next year or so and I'm 26 and engaged). However, since you're living in their house now only by their good graces, you need to keep those graces good. That means not bringing things into your parents house they won't approve of- or at least, keeping it out of their sight.

    As for friends, do you have circles of friends that your parents don't personally know? I don't know your situation, but at your age, I had college organizations, a few community organizations, a messageboard that I had regular RL get-togethers with the people from (we all follow a sports team and we're local), and a congregation. My parents were aware of most these groups but involved in none. If I was meeting a DL, I would have just said "Hey, I'm going to see some friends from such and such. Be back before 11, text you if there's a change." Now I never did this personally, but I see three keys to pulling it off, all of which basically boil down to don't create details you'll need to remember later:

    1. Name the organization. This means you're not making up a group of friends from thin air.
    2. You're not going to an actual function of said group. You're just hanging out with some friends from it socially- bar or a pool hall or whatever you do when you hang out with non-DL friends. Don't say it's something where something specific happens (like a movie) you can be quizzed on. A pub is better.
    3. Don't name your friends. They're your friends, or a friend. If you get pressed, drop a name of someone you've mentioned otherwise but they don't know. I could easily have said I'm hanging out with Kyle, because my parents knew I had a friend named Kyle, but they wouldn't have known how to contact him even if they cared.


    I don't like lying either. But I think it sounds like your parents would rather this system, even if they don't know you're using it.

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by NightFox View Post
    If your father doesn't look at it as a positive thing, I wouldn't bring it up. I don't think there's anything wrong with moving back in with the parents at your age (hell, there's a decent chance my life dictates the same need in the next year or so and I'm 26 and engaged). However, since you're living in their house now only by their good graces, you need to keep those graces good. That means not bringing things into your parents house they won't approve of- or at least, keeping it out of their sight.

    As for friends, do you have circles of friends that your parents don't personally know? I don't know your situation, but at your age, I had college organizations, a few community organizations, a messageboard that I had regular RL get-togethers with the people from (we all follow a sports team and we're local), and a congregation. My parents were aware of most these groups but involved in none. If I was meeting a DL, I would have just said "Hey, I'm going to see some friends from such and such. Be back before 11, text you if there's a change." Now I never did this personally, but I see three keys to pulling it off, all of which basically boil down to don't create details you'll need to remember later:

    1. Name the organization. This means you're not making up a group of friends from thin air.
    2. You're not going to an actual function of said group. You're just hanging out with some friends from it socially- bar or a pool hall or whatever you do when you hang out with non-DL friends. Don't say it's something where something specific happens (like a movie) you can be quizzed on. A pub is better.
    3. Don't name your friends. They're your friends, or a friend. If you get pressed, drop a name of someone you've mentioned otherwise but they don't know. I could easily have said I'm hanging out with Kyle, because my parents knew I had a friend named Kyle, but they wouldn't have known how to contact him even if they cared.


    I don't like lying either. But I think it sounds like your parents would rather this system, even if they don't know you're using it.
    Good points, well when i get back home i actually won't be involved in too many things initially, but i do have some ideas to lay down as how we met, i just need to make sure it doesn't appear too instantaneous. You have a good point though, i probably should try to keep things good with my parents since i'm in their home, and i technically don't belong there anymore.

  4. #4

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    I have told my father(who I live with and take care of) and I still tell white lies sometimes. The reason why I told him was because he was having a problem with uncontrollable diarrhea and we had talked about getting him diapers earlier that day. That night he went into it again and said that he wished I had went out and bought the diapers earlier so I went into my room and got him one. When I explained it to him he was okay with it and said whatever I do in the privacy of my own room was my business, not his. We never spoke about it again but he has no problem asking me for one when he needs it. Just so I don't push it on him, I change the name of the group whenever I talk about meeting other AB/DLs. Instead of New Jersey Littles, I call it New Jersey Literates and say that it is a group of amateur authors like me who get together to discuss stories we have wrote. Which is true in a sense, since I write mostly AB/DL stories and a couple of the people I've met do too.

    I hope my experience can help you in some way. Good luck with whatever you decide.

  5. #5

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    Your own pros and cons would seem to imply that it is better not to tell them, before anyone else has commented.

    Risks aside I simply feel that it is not fair to burden your parents with it, especially if you don't think they, or at least your dad in this case, will be understanding.




    Quote Originally Posted by JackTheWriter View Post
    ... Just so I don't push it on him, I change the name of the group whenever I talk about meeting other AB/DLs. Instead of New Jersey Littles, I call it New Jersey Literates and say that it is a group of amateur authors like me who get together to discuss stories we have wrote. Which is true in a sense, since I write mostly AB/DL stories and a couple of the people I've met do too...
    * giggles * That is quite a good one, and yeah, think you have the right approach there too.

  6. #6

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    I generally view this as a more private matter. There is no reason to share everything with everyone.. However, I may not be the right person to be talking on this when my parents found out they sent me to therapy to which the therapist said I was a healthy young man and nothing was wrong...Though I was forced to go back 2 more times by my parents only to tell the lady how much I hated my mother for doing that to me :p

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