For the past 8-9 months, I've been having frequent periods of depression brought on by the thought of what I'm going to do with my life. In these periods, I'd often find myself blurring through days by just sleeping and playing video games. It wasn't infrequently that I'd find myself just sleeping away the days so that the next weekend would come faster. I had really let myself go.
The only times that I'd feel even slightly happy were when I was with my friends at lunch, and even then it just felt... empty. As if the whole thing were somehow a prison, and no matter how hard I tried, I wouldn't be able to escape it.
It was probably the worst about a month ago. I'd just had a really crappy day (that is to say, crappier than usual) and I snapped at my mom. Things escalated, and it came to an end when she said that I have to clean my room within 3 days or else she'd shovel all of it into trash bags and put it out in the rain. At that point, I just shut myself in. Didn't talk to anyone for days.
I come home from school 3 days later, and sure enough, all my stuff was out in the rain. It was too much to bear. I took all of it inside, laid it out to dry in my room, and then sat on my bed to think. I eventually got so intensely pissed off at everything that my head felt like it was about to explode. It was completely unendurable. I couldn't handle it.
That was the only time that I've ever attempted suicide. I didn't go through with it for one reason: my pain tolerance is absolutely zero and I have a morbid fear of asphyxiation.
Then, about a week after that little episode, I got a call from a Marines recruiter. I had scored the highest ASVAB score in my entire school, by 12 points. (98/99) He said that I was qualified for every job in the military.
That was exactly the moment that I realized what I was going to do.
By now, I've settled on the Air force. I love the thought of working on and possibly even flying planes. It's the cushiest branch, and I have an aunt who's a master sergeant who can help me with getting the job that I want. (life isn't about what you know, it's about who you know)
The prospect of the military is just so appealing in every way to me. Being part of such an organization, working with all of the stuff that I dream about, and all for me just giving my life to them. (That wasn't sarcasm. Honestly, I wasn't going to do anything else with it- so it's perfect)
The whole thing has completely revitalized my thinking process. I'm doing excellently in school, my teacher wants to bump me up to the AP government class, and on top of it all- I don't feel like I'm just quitting any more. It's the best that I've ever felt.
(thanks for bearing with me on this... I know it's a long post, but I really had to get it all out.)
Have you ever had such an epiphany?
comment, and tell everyone about it.
tl;dr--i'm joining the air force. best thing that's ever happened to me. i have a purpose, blah blah blah. comment below.