No I don't mean diapers. I mean changing things about yourself to get people to stop picking you on. Like you may hide your interests or things you like so kids wouldn't tease you or you change some things about your personality to kids wouldn't pick on you. You try harder at things so kids will stop bullying you or rejecting you and so people would want you around and be your friend.
This came up because on another forum I wrote that I get annoyed when people complain about stuff and not do a thing about it and the thread was about mimicking neurotypicals and I get annoyed when people complain about how they are treated but yet they do nothing to fix that when there is a solution to it. I think if they don't want to do a thing about it, stop caring. Someone else read it and didn't like it and said I was blaming the victim. We are now in a argument so it got me thinking.
Should victims really change things about themselves to avoid bullies, to be understood better by people, to be accepted, to get a job, etc.
As a child I would pretend in school so kids wouldn't think I was a show off and weird. My guess is my odd behavior made kids think I was a show off and i think they read me wrong too. I hated that so I tried to be normal as possible but i only did it when i had to be around those kids such as at recess or on the bus, at lunch. Even if it was only one of them I saw, I still put on an act. Mom also used to tell me to not do this or that or kids will tease me and not like me.
When getting a job, we do have to dress up and act to impress the person so they hire us. Our body language must be right and eye contact too. Should people really have to do this to get a job?
Should a child not take stuff to school they might get made fun of over? Should they also keep secrets like the fact they still watch Barney so they won't get teased?
Should a woman not be safe at night and not avoid walking in places that are unsafe so she won't get raped? Should she not bring her cell phone to be safe?
Should someone not hide their valuables in their car or in their trunk to avoid someone taking them?
Should someone not have to keep their cash hidden in public so no one will snatch it from them?
Is this all blaming the victim? Are we really blaming ourselves when we try and be safe, try and keep people from thinking wrong of us, to get accepted, to get a job, to avoid being bullied and treated like crap, to avoid rejections,to avoid being a victim?
Where would you draw the line about when someone should change and when they shouldn't have to change to get treated better, etc.? When is it not blaming the victim?
One example that annoyed me was when I was with my first ex, he liked wearing his trench coat. I had no problems with it. It wasn't hurting anyone or me. But other people felt uncomfortable around him, strangers. They stayed away from him and wouldn't stand near him and they acted freaked out by him. This made my ex mad and one day he was bitching about it. He kept bitching about it. I decided to hive him a suggestion. I told him to not wear it out in public and he said that was "retarded" because it's "who he is." So I came up with another solution, I told him he can wear it at home and around people he knows. he still thought it was "retarded." So I told him to stop caring what they think then and ignore them. He still refused so i told him to stop complaining then. Don't complain if he won't do a thing about it.
This was the kind of pet peeve I was talking about. people who bitch about other others treat them and won't do a thing about it when there is a solution to their problem.