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Thread: Girlfriend advice?

  1. #1

    Default Girlfriend advice?

    Hey, I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice on how to proceed in my current relationship. First off, I know that I'm only 16, and I have no illusion that the chances that I spend the rest of my life with this girl are EXTREMELY low, but I still want some advice for future reference, and so I can make the best out of these years of my life. Secondly, I know that nobody will be able to give me spot on advice about what I should do, but I'm just looking for some ideas on what I could do to help the situation. Now without any further delay, here us my situation.

    It has nothing to do with my TB/DL side. I do not at all feel the need to reveal something like that to someone that I know I could have a fight with any second. This is rather just an awkward situation, so I'll start from the beginning. I go to a very small school (we have 34 people in my grade), so everyone knows everybody. Well, about a month a girl that I've liked for quite sometime asked me out on a date, so I accepted. It turns out we have a lot of stuff in common, but one of the things we have in common is the problem. We are both extremely socially awkward, and neither of us really like being the center of attention. This is a problem because when something happens in my school, everyone knows, and it's suddenly every ones business. This has caused a few couples at our school to be broken up because they get so much attention from everyone else, and me and my girlfriend don't want this to happen, so we haven't told anyone. But of course, since we haven't told anyone and we don't want anyone, we can't really do to much at school. From what I'm seeing, this seems to be pulling us apart to, so no matter what I do, there's going to be something that will destroy our relationship.

    So this is where I ask you my question.

    Do you think that we should just tell everyone and try to deal with the consequences, or should we continue keeping it quiet and only seeing each other a few days a week?

    Again, know that I'm not looking for exact advice on what I should do, I just want to know your opinions and so I can think about what to do by myself.

    If you read through everything above, thanks for taking your time. And if not, I don't blame you. It's a lot longer then I thought it would be. :P

    Anyways, please leave any thoughts you have on the situation and again, thank you.

  2. #2

    Default

    That's a curious problem. While I agree that the odds aren't high this is someone you will spend the rest of your life with, one never knows. As it is, you've hit it off and that can be rare enough. I would say that it's better to give it a proper shot and see what happens. You can even look at it from the perspective of personal growth. This is nothing unusual you're doing, and I don't think you should take a lot of negativity from anyone else on the matter just because they're jealous or don't have enough to do with their time. I'm sorry to hear that you're in a situation where you would have to consider giving up even short term happiness with someone (and possibly longer term) just because you don't want to be a spectacle to a small community. They should be so lucky as to have hit it off with someone.

  3. #3

    Default

    The ridiculousness of how close your situation is to mine when I was in highschool is laughable, honestly. I went to a small private school with 320 kids total. Junior year, I started going out with a girl. I was never part of the "cool group" though I was in a strange position of playing varsity hockey (the sport that led to the top), and she never had an interest in any of that mainstream "cool" stuff. To add to it, she was the dean's daughter, and she was an open bisexual. As such, let me give you some advice from someone who went through two years of a relationship where I knew wholeheartedly I was being talked about behind my back all the time.

    When all was said and done, I would never trade my relationship with this girl for anything. She was a core element of my life when I was discovering my sexuality and my interests, and she introduced me to more than I could ever ask for. She was the outgoing, experimental girl while I was the shy, virgin guy. Sometimes, I got made fun of for going out with her - teammates used to ask me if I enjoyed having sex with a dyke, or if I liked having sex with another guy (she cut her hair super short). I just told them to fuck off, and in the end, I got to laugh when they broke up with their shallow girlfriends who traded partners based upon the most recent popularity contests. In our school, every single relationship was front page news, and a relationship with the dean's daughter was ten times that. I used to hear people whispering in the hallway all the time, but I just laughed and knew that most of them were envious of us. My senior portrait in our yearbook even reflected my relationship, lol. Eventually, we broke up in a mutual breakup at the end of high school, but it was after two years that I wouldn't trade for anything else. That girl taught me more about myself than anyone else in my life. To this day I still love her to death, and my fiancee now knows all about her. I still consider her one of my best friends ever, and I couldn't imagine myself without her influence.

    In the end, here's ALL you need to decide: high school is for learning and experimentation. Do you feel that this girl likes you enough to help you grow and learn about yourself, and can you reciprocate? Maybe you won't be together forever, but you're young enough where you should be experimenting with your sexuality. High school relationships are not necessarily meant to stand the test of time - they're meant to help you grow. In ten years, you will regret the time you DIDN'T explore in high school. Trust me. Every single "big" decision you make in high school, you will look back on in 10 years and laugh. Decide what to do based upon whether or not you feel like it will, for lack of a cliche, broaden your horizons.
    Last edited by Tee; 20-Nov-2011 at 09:43.

  4. #4

    Default

    Patience (to not just blab about what you're into - she might not understand the diaper fetishism thing), intelligence (to properly reveal the "deepest secrets" of your diaper side/life/world) and acceptance of YOURSELF, first, regarding what you're into. WE are hardest on OURSELVES regarding our diaper "thing".
    Now married for the third time, with acceptance, encouragement and occasional participation, my wife would not BE my wife had she not accepted the me that I am. However, I "revealed" before either of us had invested a whole lot of time and emotion into a relationship. If she couldn't handle my diaper side/life/world, she was free to walk away early on. To me, that's only fair, for and with both "sides".
    So many in our "community" have this driving urge to share their diaper thing with the rest of the world, the rest of the world be damned, without any consideration of what knowledge of us and our thing may do to THEM. Take your time. KNOW that you have an acceptant partner before you invest time and emotion into a relationship that may not be able to handle YOUR diaper thing. The world out there is a whole lot "vanilla". It's not up to US to make the rest of the world understand US or what we're into, especially if we don't force it onto anyone else. MY .02 cents...

  5. #5

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by tom49461 View Post
    Patience (to not just blab about what you're into - she might not understand the diaper fetishism thing), intelligence (to properly reveal the "deepest secrets" of your diaper side/life/world) and acceptance of YOURSELF, first, regarding what you're into. WE are hardest on OURSELVES regarding our diaper "thing".
    Now married for the third time, with acceptance, encouragement and occasional participation, my wife would not BE my wife had she not accepted the me that I am. However, I "revealed" before either of us had invested a whole lot of time and emotion into a relationship. If she couldn't handle my diaper side/life/world, she was free to walk away early on. To me, that's only fair, for and with both "sides".
    So many in our "community" have this driving urge to share their diaper thing with the rest of the world, the rest of the world be damned, without any consideration of what knowledge of us and our thing may do to THEM. Take your time. KNOW that you have an acceptant partner before you invest time and emotion into a relationship that may not be able to handle YOUR diaper thing. The world out there is a whole lot "vanilla". It's not up to US to make the rest of the world understand US or what we're into, especially if we don't force it onto anyone else. MY .02 cents...
    He said above that this isn't about AB/DL. Read the OP.


    Now, my advice. You're going to have to grow a "set" (for lack of a better phrase). If you really want this to work, you need to be able to be public, and when it becomes big news, you're gonna have to fight off (perhaps not physically) the crowds until they find something new to focus on. Hold your head up high. You've got nothing to be ashamed of, and get on anyone who tries to mess with her. Be a good example, and maybe your GF might even follow. You don't have to shout it to the world that you two are together, but you certianlly don't need to hide it. Eventually, the masses will get bored and leave you alone during the next "great" school event.

  6. #6

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    Sounds rough man. I have social anxiety and so does my girlfriend so we kind of know each others comfort levels and how to deal with a lot of situations. If at any point someone has gone too far with bringing something up and wont shut up or stop I recommend just leaving. Just walk away so they cant follow you. It's one way to show someone they should shut up and not talk to you about that without really doing anything.
    This might not help but is something to think about none the less.

  7. #7
    PrettyWings

    Default

    just tell everyone, what happens happens, cause not telling people can make your relationship really strianed

  8. #8

    Default

    IMO, it would probably be best to announce it instead of letting people find out. Rumors cause problems, you can use this as a gauge to test if your relationship may last forever. If you guys take this chance and announce it, and pull through together, maybe that will end up being your bond, you both got over your social awkwardness together. =)

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