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Thread: help with Homecoming?

  1. #1
    babyDavid

    Default help with Homecoming?

    so throughout high school ive gotten ok grades, but for most of my teenage years my parents barely let me go anywhere or do anything because theyre stupid. no, that the wrong word, theyre just controlling and slow. there, thats better.

    my dad wants me to earn my way to getting more freedom, and my mom just says 'youll see your friends at school and at church' i want to tell her that she's an imbecile, but of course i cant. ive proven myself responsible to them on many occations, and ive told them about rejecting numerous offers to buy mass quantities of controlled substances at school in the past. they still want to believe that im irresponsible though, i think.

    so recently i discussed with my parents that it was their fault that i had missed a bunch of get-togethers out of school, and the same thing came up again. i had a D in psychology but i brought it up so everything is passing now and will probably be all B's in a few days. and my schools homecoming is coming up soon and i want to go, but im unsure how to handle the argument that will likely arise.

    so i need every possible negotiating tool, every verbal weapon, and everything else i can throw at them to win. what do i have to say to them to get them to realize that my fifth birthday was a long time ago and that i can take care of myself for a few hours?

    BTW if i still lose the argument, what should i do afterwards to make them feel bad about not letting me go?

  2. #2

    Default

    Sorry I feel were your coming from but you got to think of the parents angle the teen years aren't the time to start trusting your kids. so you have to put them in a situation were they can put trust into someone else namely another adult. You'll get there it takes time. and also from the location comment i'd say your lucky on how much you get to go out.

  3. #3
    babyDavid

    Default

    i just put that cuz i like to shop a lot, like OCD status. but thats irrelevent. i just wish they would leave me alone or something. i want to yell at them that im 16 and dont need them to shield me from anything anymore. they just arent very liberal people. its like Soviet Russia at my house, cant go anywhere or do anything or even buy anything without their approval. thats the only reason i keep this one pair of pants i bought off the internet, because it was one of a few times that i won and got what i wanted without their permission.
    but im getting off topic, where were we? oh right! yeah, theyre not like other parents, and they trust my little sister more than they trust me, and she's 13. they like her best though anyways...

    they know i dont smoke or drink or anything like that. and ive made it very clear to them that i could if i wanted to, but it was me alone that made the decision not to. that shut them up for a little bit.

  4. #4
    Cherub

    Default

    One thing I hate to say, However I think it is more true than not. In situations like yours and probably countless others, you're parents have a notion stuck in their heads and there is nothing on God's green earth that will get that notion out of their heads.

    My story: I was kicked out of my parents house when I was 17 and hadn't even finished school yet. But to them I was the one going astray. I graduated as valedictorian. Today I am 35 and I can count on one hand the times I've come back and actually spent the night in their house (that's less than 5 times by the way, lol).

    My dad's head is so thick, that only recently has it begun to sink in what he has done to himself, as far as being close to me now that I am an adult. I have moved away to a different state (not his fault, but because I got married). I don't call him often. However, now he wants me to call him more often. My guess, it would make him feel better. My take on the whole situation: Years ago when I was younger, he sowed lots harshness. Today,,,years later he is reaping the bounty of the harvest he sowed,,,,and it is a harvest of my absence from his life.

    I think you could tell / forewarn your parents of this possible impending tragedy and they still wont get it out of their heads that they can't trust you in the here and now. I feel your pain and know where you're coming from. I guess there's only 1 thing I can say: If they "WANT" to trust you, then they have to start somewhere. And if they don't trust you when it MATTERS TO YOU (not them) then they can run the risk of reaping a very bitter harvest down the road in time. Once you pass this moment in which you wanted something and they denied it. It will be too late to turn back and try it again. They have one opportunity to do something important for you. How they do is up to them.

    Best of luck in your situation

  5. #5
    Swiftfire

    Default

    The way i see it you have 3 options,
    Option one, Take the advice you were given from this thread prepare yourself and head into battle. Blow everything out of proportion and get it threw your parents thick skulls that in order for them to trust you, you have to have a chance.
    Option 2, Remind them about homecoming every second of every day until it happens. Even if they shoot you down and you dont get to go to Homcoming, your going to win in the long run of them regretting their decision in the future
    Option 3, and probably the least liked by parents. You could attempts to sneak out, have a friend in a car waiting for you outside and just go. Cant say when you get back home your parents are going to be delighted but itz like an electric shock to them saying they they cant control you forever.
    Out of these 3 options i usually have the best results w/ option 1 with my parents. If i find something wrong with their decision i usually take the info i know and just get into a huge debate w/ them. Try not to scream though, that usually ends with them just not wanting to bother with it. but if you can somehow get into a legitimate argument about the entire situation and making sure your giving both sides even theirs. Remind them how you have all your grades up and are not involved with any drugs and make your point clear.
    Best of luck even if i didnt supply you with the best info ^_^

  6. #6
    babyDavid

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Swiftfire View Post
    The way i see it you have 3 options,
    Option one, Take the advice you were given from this thread prepare yourself and head into battle. Blow everything out of proportion and get it threw your parents thick skulls that in order for them to trust you, you have to have a chance.
    Option 2, Remind them about homecoming every second of every day until it happens. Even if they shoot you down and you dont get to go to Homcoming, your going to win in the long run of them regretting their decision in the future
    Option 3, and probably the least liked by parents. You could attempts to sneak out, have a friend in a car waiting for you outside and just go. Cant say when you get back home your parents are going to be delighted but itz like an electric shock to them saying they they cant control you forever.
    Out of these 3 options i usually have the best results w/ option 1 with my parents. If i find something wrong with their decision i usually take the info i know and just get into a huge debate w/ them. Try not to scream though, that usually ends with them just not wanting to bother with it. but if you can somehow get into a legitimate argument about the entire situation and making sure your giving both sides even theirs. Remind them how you have all your grades up and are not involved with any drugs and make your point clear.
    Best of luck even if i didnt supply you with the best info ^_^
    good points, but they wont feel any regret about ANYTHING theyve done to ruin my life. i would have to do something to let them know what theyve done. theyre the type of parents that think they are always right, and if they arent they make it a point to try and make it look that i wasnt right either. im sorry if i sound like i loathe my parents because i dont, i wanted to have a good relationship with them. i wanted to have good times and have some good memories with them, but they ruined any chance of that with their controlling ways.

  7. #7

    Default

    Its hard to advise in situations like this because we don't know much about the context, your parents, or your past behavior. You don't want to hear this, but I'd be willing to bet that you are causing most of your own problems. Like it or not, your parents are in charge, if only because they have to look out for themselves. Until you are of age, they can be held legally and financially responsible for things that you do out in the real world. That can be a scary thought for them if you've done things in the past that show poor judgement. Being argumentative, confrontational, and rebellious with them when you want something will more than likely backfire. They have to assume that you're going to behave out in the world the way you are with them.

    You note that they let your younger sister have more responsibility. Perhaps you should consider how her behavior differs from yours. Maybe they DO like her better because she's easier to deal with. How do you change that? With arguments? Fights? Confrontation? Not likely.

    Your situation sounds like what I went through with my oldest (a girl, not that that makes any difference). Everything was a struggle with her. If she went out, and we said be home by 11, it was always 11:30, or 12 or whenever, but never, ever early. She wanted everything 'right now'. Late? someone else's fault. Bad grade? Teacher is stupid, doesn't like her. We were stupid, didn't love her. She tried to wear us down by making everything a never ending argument/debate. Yes, I eventually wore down. Tired of the arguments I said no to pretty much everything, and refused to discuss it. Then, I was just stupid. Fine with me. She didn't get her drivers license until after she moved out. I was certain that if I gave her the keys I'd never see my car again. I asked her about that a couple years ago (15 years after the fact). She said "Yeah, you were probably right". She's calmed down now and is doing well, having learned a lot of lessons the hard way. She thinks I'm pretty smart these days.

    Her younger brother was a lot more reasonable. We didn't have to fight over everything. Of course he made some unreasonable requests, and made some mistakes, but he also listened and was willing to compromise on some things and live with limits most of the time. Needless to say, he got what he wanted a lot more often than she did, largely because his ability to discuss things in a reasonable ADULT fashion indicated he could handle more responsibility.

    When is homecoming? A month from now? Or tomorrow......

    Did you bring it up ahead of time, or are you just going to spring it on them and demand that you be allowed to go?

    Which plan of action do you think is more likely to succeed?

    You're not going to change your parents. What you can change is your approach. You have to be a salesman. The first thing a good salesman learns is how to listen. By listening, you can discover your parents needs, then structure your behavior and approach to meet those needs. No one ever sells anything by talking and scoring debate points. When you get in their faces and say "I'm not five any more", they're most likely thinking "That's right. Stop acting like you are". Are they looking for responsibility? Show them you are responsible. Consistently. When you go out, say where you'll be and when you'll be back, then stick to it. If grades are a problem, at least show you're making a solid effort. You may not get straight A's, but most parents don't expect that. Usually we're happy if you do the best you can. Playing video games til all hours when you're getting C's and D's isn't going to convince them you're working up to potential. This isn't a one hour or one day process. Its going to take some time, probably months, not days or weeks.

    Privilege and Responsibility go together. The world owes you nothing.

  8. #8

    Default

    Totally agree with Maxx...

    Not to sound like an old man, but they are providing you with a place to live, food, cloths, etc.. there are some basic human rights you are entitled to, but beyond that your parents are within their right to dictate what you can and can't do in their house. Yes some people are going to automatically get what you will need to earn.. that's life.

    My advice, approach them reasonably. Don't target a specific event (like homecoming) but just the general fact that you want more responsibility and privilege. What do they want to see before they give it to you? Whining and demanding you be allowed to do what the other kids can is probably gonna get you very little. Also keep in mind that they might not budge.. that is also life.

  9. #9
    Dude84

    Default

    Unfortunately, you are somewhat stuck; while still living at home, they do legally have alot of control over you. Not to say that I am suggesting you move out at 16 (if that's even possible in the US) like I did (albeit, somewhat forced to).

    While I was younger my parents did trust me more than my younger brother I think, but he was a little more "wild" than me - in particular, when he was trusted to have the place to himself for a week during a holiday for my mum and some friends, he had an "illegal party" as my mum termed it - complete with pieces of laminate flooring missing, kitchen doors hanging off, damaged carpets, stuff on the walls, broken glasses, etc. I found it hilarious when she told me, and had to stop myself from laughing on the 'phone (just never expected him to do it, to push that far) but I could see her point too, and I would be, pretty pissed off.

    It is difficult to suggest what you should do; in reality like many have already said, we don't know your parents or you necessarily on a personal level, nor your sister, not the particulars of the situation from both sides. Maybe a frank, honest and above all calm discussion with your parents is needed - stick to reasoned, logical arguments, don't shout or swear, and take time to listen to what they're saying without interrupting.

    Remember, it's like calling some company to complain about something - the moment you raise your voice or swear, it's game over, you've lost the argument.


  10. #10
    babyDavid

    Default

    actually, i brought it up kinda smooth today, and my mom was like 'ok' so its a go. i already asked my bestie if she wanted to come and she said yes. so once i buy the tickets this wednedsay, i'll be set, and my dad wont be able to stop me

    though with parents its almost always about control, i think. i mean, it they cant tell me what to do then theyre just the tallest people living here LOL

    i think this shall go better than i expected...

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