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Thread: Is it a choice?

  1. #1

    Question Is it a choice?

    I was thinking this morning and wanted to ask all of you if you felt that being *B/DL was a choice; as apposed to being genetic, in bread into our personalities, etc...

    I know many of us have tried to rid ourselves of our desires to no prevail (no pun intended. ;]) Why is this superhuman attachment to regressing and diapers so strongly woven into our lifestyle? Why can't someone just "quit"? In my personal opinion, I believe being a *B/DL is not a choice in most cases, however, it is not anything but part of our personalities.

    What's your opinion? [Please only intelligible answers.]

  2. #2


    i think you are partly right that we dont have a choice in it. Yes, many people grow an attachment to certain desires (*B/DL ones arent the only ones with similar patterns) and these desires become ingrained in our psychology in a way that they become the defence mechanisms that we use to cope with things or a sexual driver that we become reliant upon (depending upon what *B/DL means to you will determine if it is the former or the latter).

    As for why can someone not just quit. Think of it as something similar to smoking (minus the addiction part). People who smoke have it as part of their ritual of things to do. Many smokes will have a cigarette after they have a meal and do this regularly (or before a meal or other scheduled times). This 'schedule' becomes an important thing and it is breaking the association that has been formed which makes quitting for them so hard in the first place.

    Similarly, this is also ingrained albeit in a different way. Rather then pairing diapers with a meal, we pair it with our defence/coping mechanisms or our sexual drive (again, depending upon what *B/DL means to you). Both the defence mechanism and sexual drive is not something that we can just break an association with as we need both of these to function normally in society and so, to truely be rid of the *B/DL desires would require breaking the association as well as forming a new one at the same time to 'fill the gap' as it were.

    However, i think that it is still partly a choice we have and are able to control it to a degree. For example, we dont actually know why we all have these desires. we might know why we have formed our own *B/DL identity (i.e. what triggered the feeling in our own life) but when we compare this to other people we can easily see that there are a wide range of people and no one factor can be narrowed down to causing these desires. If we didnt have a choice at all, then there would be an easy pattern to see when people form their desires which is not the case here.

    Ultimately, for many, *B/DL desires are ingrained in our psychology (whether sexual drive or defence mechanism or other parts too) and this in itself makes it hard to change and altering personality (whilst can be done) is extremely hard to change.

    i think you can safely assume that *B/DL desires are not completely a choice but neither are they completely a definite thing. Hope this helps.

  3. #3


    Well, in your post you pretty much summarized why it shouldn't be considered a choice. Like you, I experience a sort of 'superhuman attachment to regressing and diapers' that I can only suppress for so long.

    Of course, everyone who has feelings like this can decide for him/herself whether or not to wear diapers, regress, get involved with the lifestyle, meet other people with the same interests, and use the terms 'AB' and 'DL' to describe themselves. That's a choice, I guess... making those decisions at a certain moment and to a certain extent. But most people make choices like this based on what they feel is best for them.

    So in short, the feelings are no choice, choosing to act upon them is. The question why we have those feelings is a completely different one, of course.

  4. #4


    I think it varies from person to person. Though from my experience here it would seem like for most it's not so much a choice but an innate desire they choose to act on.

    Personally when I was much younger I remember wanting to be a baby as the idea of being in control of my thoughts but still being able to use a diaper and be changed really appealed to me.

    However having just received my first computer I quickly took to the internet and found more or less every abdl site online to be sexual. Leading me I believe to begin to focus on diapers from a fetish perspective. Shortly after I began to do this I became greatly concerned at being caught and tossed my meager stash.

    Now the actual part relevent to this topic (forgive the lengthy exposition). I was 12 or so then, and am 21 now. I have had no real urge to wear in years and could easily give it up if I had to. That being said I wear because I enjoy the role play, diapers do not sexually excite me in the least bit, diaper porn does nothing for me and its very difficult for me to have an errection in a diaper.

    I certainly think my situation is relatively unique and am putting this down though as an example of the spectrum that I think exists in terms of "need" in regards to choice.

  5. #5


    Quote Originally Posted by Albasion View Post

    So in short, the feelings are no choice, choosing to act upon them is. The question why we have those feelings is a completely different one, of course.
    I feel like this defines it pretty well. A comparison could be an alcoholic, they might be able to keep from drinking just fine, I know somebody who stays completely away from drinking, but if he even uses mouth wash he will get sent on a binge. Some of us have a natural strong inclination, which we might be able to completely avoid, but since the idea of Ab/dl'sm appears completely harmless, i think most of us figure, why avoid it, so it is easy just to stay in it.

    Quote Originally Posted by jiffypop View Post
    Personally when I was much younger I remember wanting to be a baby as the idea of being in control of my thoughts but still being able to use a diaper and be changed really appealed to me.

    However having just received my first computer I quickly took to the internet and found more or less every abdl site online to be sexual. Leading me I believe to begin to focus on diapers from a fetish perspective. Shortly after I began to do this I became greatly concerned at being caught and tossed my meager stash.
    Yes, the binge purge cycle, your description of starting pretty much describes mine. I find that Ab/dl'sm is much more the enjoyment of the role play too, i think the core concept of where my desire to wear is more important than the sexual part of it (however I find some appeal toward it still). In recognition that this desire started when i was really young, I think it is reasonable to say from my perspective, that the liking towards little'sm is just born with, but translating that into Ab/dl'sm is created through our childhood.

  6. #6
    Butterfly Mage


    I don't see how being ABDL can be genetic since diapers are a pretty recent phenomenon. Of course, there are other reasons why people do the things they do.

    I would love to not be a DL, but that desire just won't go away. It's better to wear diapers and have the desire fulfilled than be tormented with not having the desire fulfilled.

    As a Wiccan, I'd love to be non-DL for religious reasons. As a fetish, it is pretty wasteful. The fairly modest incontinence I have could be compensated for by a less bulky product. But I feel the incredibly strong urge to wear diapers so that's what I do. I can't make it go away.
    Last edited by Butterfly Mage; 02-Nov-2011 at 21:16.

  7. #7


    I don't think I had a choice in the conventional sense. However, I also don't think there's a diaper gene. I could buy that I did have something that rendered me susceptible to fixate on objects as fetishes. The better evidence these days suggest that when one asks nature vs. nurture for many deep-seated behaviors, the answer is "both". Our own choices and environments result in changes. I don't think it's anything obvious, though. I don't have a childhood trauma to link it to or even early (or late) potty training, or bedwetting.

    Unlike a number of ABDLs, I don't claim to know what my trigger or even series of triggers was. I can recall very early interests starting around age three or four that in retrospect appear unusual but it seems as possible to me that I remember them because they are significant to me, not the other way around. I wouldn't be surprised if lots of children who wound up with no weird relationship with diapers did exactly the same things I did. In short, I don't know why I am this way and it doesn't keep me up nights. It certainly wasn't a conscious choice from a mind that understood what was involved.

    I think the choice aspect is more like picking a direction to walk when you're completely lost and then winding up in a different place than if you had gone another way. It had some pretty bad stuff along the way, but this turned out to be an okay direction to walk after all.

  8. #8


    I don't think it's a choice we have the desires but it's a choice we act on it. I choose to wear diapers and use them for their purpose. I choose to have my husband change me. I also have fantasies where I want him to force me to wear diapers and not be allowed to use the bathroom. So do I choose to be a AB/DL? In a way yes because I do it but in another way I do not because the desires will always be there. The person could live in denial but they will still be into it even if they choose not to be. I see this as part of me and something I accept and it's something I keep private. I cannot imagine going without diapers unless I lost interest again but it comes and goes. Though I have lived without them before, now that I had started to wear them, I don't know if I can live on without them again. I feel happier in them. Sure I don't like the discomforts about it, especially the smell but I still want to wear them. I have thought about what if I just wear them and not use them? That's what some DL's do, some just wear them and not use them because they don't like it and are grossed out by doing it so they just wear them.

    I think my desires came from my childhood, being bullied and picked on, being socially and emotionally immature and my life was easier when I was little. Being a baby, everything was so easy, no school, no homework, you had all the free time and no responsibility, no one expected anything out of you, no one to bully you. There was a trigger all of a sudden and I wanted diapers again and wish I could be a baby again. But it was a fantasy I had in my head for three years before discovering the AB/DL community and then mom told me it was all not real and it was all fake and she told me a scare tactic. So I lived in denial again. Back then my mom was told by my shrink and psychiatrist my diaper desires was something that took me back to childhood and it was a comfort thing for me. I don't think my mother accepted it and as a teen, she figured I was wearing them because I wasn't ready to be grown up and was probably thinking I would dump them when I feel ready to be a grown up. I have felt ready to be a grown up for a while but I still want my diapers. They have even gotten sexual for me too and I don't know why. I just get real wet down there and I get a sexual look on my face when my husband changes me or puts one on me. I do remember whenever I look at adult diapers online, I get this excited feeling in my tummy and I assume that was the turned on feeling. Like Butterfly Mage, I also get the urges to wear so that was why I went back to wearing them when I started getting urges again. I suppose I could live for the rest of my life with these urges like I did in my teens but yet I didn't want to wear them then. I used to just block the feeling out back then.

  9. #9


    This post on the Adult Baby forum had this article. As I understand it, it starts as a choice at a very young age, then grows into part of who you are. Once set, it is not very easily changed.

  10. #10


    I posted my thoughts about this in another thread, but here they are:

    "I believe there are two different types of AB/DL out there.

    On the one hand you have, what i will call "Discoverer AB/DL's". They learn about AB/DL, usually past adolescence, from the internet or another source. They realize they like it, and become AB/DL. Certainly nothing wrong with that.

    On the other you have "Innate AB/DL's" They are born AB/DL. One day, without any outside assistance, they will realize that they like being babied/diapered.

    I think it may be possible for "Discoverers" to stop being AB/DL. "Innate's" on the other hand; I am quite sure it is impossible (or damn near close) to stop. I would know, i am an "Innate AB/DL". I spent at least 10 years trying to stop, and failed. I finally said to myself one day: "I wear diapers.... and that's OK!" Since then, life has been cake!"

    So it isn't a choice if you are born with it, in my opinion. But how is someone "born with it"? Good question, but possibly because:
    1. They were potty trained late. (my case)
    2. They were potty trained too early.
    3. They suffered physical/mental trauma at a young age, but not while an infant.
    4. They are slow to "late bloomers"; slow to progress physically and mentally into puberty. (also my case)
    5. Not having quite enough attention from your parents at a very young age. (not their fault! but also my case)
    6. Possibly others that i haven't thought of.

    I think external sources also have an impact when at a young age, such as TV shows or movies. Although, these are not the root cause.

    I think it takes a "perfect storm" of things to actually come up with an AB/DL, and in doing so, it make a permanent imprint in our minds, which corresponds either infancy or diapers with peace and love, security and serenity. Even if someone could "quit", they could never stop looking over their shoulder to the past, when they were at "peace" with themselves.

    Once an AB/DL, always an AB/DL.

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