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Thread: Bringing it back up with the BF

  1. #1

    Default Bringing it back up with the BF

    So I have been with my BF for almost two years and I love him very much and I know that he loves me too. He is always saying how he loves me and will never stop loving me. I told him about my DL side a long time ago (around 6 months ago or more I think) and I know that I rushed it too way to fast by wearing around him the day after telling him. He seemed to be ok with it as in he didn't say that he wanted me to stop and never wear again. He just wanted to know why I wanted to wear them. Then I found out that he was asking all of his friends about what he should do about it which really pissed me off and almost caused our relationship to end because I did not want others knowing and he knew that. I forgave him for that though and a few weeks later he was saying that he wanted me to go see a psychologist as there was something wrong with me liking them. This put a strain on our relationship so I stopped wearing completely but that only lasted for a month or two when I started getting strong urges to wear them again. I started wearing again behind his back so he wouldn't know. He still doesn't know that I still wear them. A few months ago he said that he wanted me to throw away all of my diapers if I still had any and that he did not want to see them ever again and that he didn't know if he could handle it and that he would break up with me if he saw them again. I don't know if he would actually break up with me but lately he has been saying how great it would be if we had our own place and i know that is a long ways away as we don't make enough money and are still in college but I don't think that I would want to live with him if he could not accept this part of me. I would like to bring it back up with him so that he knows that it wasn't just some phase and that it is very much real and isn't going away. I'm hoping that if he sees that it isn't going away he might be a little tolerant and maybe eventually accept it or it might just end the relationship which would be awful but if that is to happen it would be better now then later.

    I just don't know how to bring it up again and was wondering if you guys could help me figure out a way.

  2. #2


    Well it depends on how much you care about him, although some may say that if he doesn't accept this side of you he doesn't love you, that isn't fully true. You must understand his point of view on the situation, it is strange to him and he doesn't quite understand it. Have you tried sitting down with him and explaining why you like to wear (comfort/relaxation/whatever)? Have you tried showing him articles like understanding infantilism?
    In the end it all comes down to, could you stop wearing permanently if he really meant that he couldn't stay in the relationship if you wore? And if you could live with him not accepting this part of you.
    Good luck, and I hope everything works out for you, and remember there are other fish in the sea you will meet someone new eventually if it doesn't work out with your current boyfriend.

  3. #3


    I spent my entire four years of college in a gay relationship, so I have some perspective. I never told my other because I would have been too embarrassed and I was ashamed. This was before the internet so I thought I was a freak. I kept it hidden from everyone. So obviously, the only time I could indulge was when I went home, which I did often. I tried to deny this strange desire, and eventually in a poem, I called it "my blackest deed". Honestly, I don't know how he would have accepted it, but I think he would have. He does now as we still stay in touch. I'm married with children, and he's in a gay relationship.

    I think you need to have a talk with your boyfriend. Remember that you and he are still in college. Though he confesses undying love, you are young, and sometimes love and relationships change. He needs to understand more about this fetish and why you are attracted to diapers. I'm assuming that diapers are sexual for you, so he should be able to understand the sexual pull that diapers have on our kind. Ask him if he could live without having sex with another male. After all, there's always women. He should be able to understand this at some level.

    Just because he may understand, that doesn't mean that he could be comfortable with it. It's not just about diapers, but also peeing and living in our own waste. I don't know why we are attracted to such things, so he will have a more difficult time understanding since he doesn't have these kinds of feelings. But even if he doesn't want to participate, he should be able to allow you your time and space to participate in private. My wife doesn't participate in my diaper wearing, but she doesn't mind if I wear.

    If your boyfriend forbids you to wear under any circumstances, there's something wrong, and you may have to re-evaluate your relationship.

  4. #4


    I have tried showing him articles when he first found out but I feel like he was influenced by his friends that he was talking to about it. Most of his friends said that they didn't care but he told me that one of his friends that was going for a psychology major said that it wasn't right and that seems to be when it all went negative and wanted me to get help. I could be completely wrong there but that is just how it seemed at the time. And I know that I need to talk to him but I am very bad at starting conversations about this with my anxiety issues. I don't know how I would go about bringing it up like if I should just be like "we need to talk" or whatnot.

  5. #5



    I think I'm lucky here, because my BF is very open minded towards it and I can wear around him whenever I want to (I don't wear 24/7 nor want to).

    I suppose that your BF thought it would not bother him as much in the first place as it probably does now. I can follow why him talking to all of his friends about it pissed you off: your diaperloving supposed to be something told in confidence (and probabaly took a big effort to do) and not just to anybody... On the other hand, he probably didn't know how to deal with it and talking to his friends was his way of doing that (I don't know if he just said hat 'my BF is wearing diapers' or did it less obvious).

    What does strike me as disturbing is the guy 'going for a psychology major'. As far as I'm concerned he's way out of line: he doesn't know you (I presume) and probably hasn't done much reading about the subject but still thinks he knows enough to come to the conclusion that 'it isn't right'... (By the way, how do you feel about wearing diapers?)

    I think I know what it is finding out that 'the love of your life has some dark spots' but asking you to throw away all your diapers is not to allow you to be the person you are. As you have found out for yourself, the urge will come back eventually. But not to be able to be yourself when he's around sounds restricting to me - maybe you can do that for a while, but in the long run, I doubt that you can keep that up.

    Do you have someone to talk about this (relative, close friend)? Maybe you can ask him or her to be there with you when you bring it up with your BF.

    Above all else, be honest with your feelings. Give and take should be equal on both sides.

    Good luck


  6. #6


    Thanks for the replies.

    Unfortunately I do not have anyone to talk to about this and I don't want to talk to his friends as they are not really my friends and i hope that they forgot about it. I do know that liking diapers is kind of weird but It does no harm and actually helps my health so I don't see anything wrong in wearing them. He did say that people should not be wearing them without a medical reason and he would be fine with it if it was medical. I also thought the same thing about his psychology friend, and that a psychologist should never say anything is wrong without knowing a lot more / meeting about the person in question. I do understand why he talked to his friends about it but I really wanted it to be kept between us and i told him that and thought that I could trust him with this. Him not accepting is starting to really negatively affect me as does and big secrets do because in the past before I was out as gay I would wake up feeling ill and would 90% of the time end up puking because of all the stress and anxiety which can not be good for me at all and after I was out I started feeling better but after I confessed in my DL side to him I felt great. I was taking meds to help control it but I was able to stop taking them and still feel fine. now however these last couple of weeks all of the stress and anxiety seems to be coming back bad. I have trouble getting up in the morning now because I will feel so ill and I am even shaky right now and I know this will continue if he doesn't accept it. He thinks that I am I am lying about this because he never has seen me puke but that is because i'm not going to be like "i'm gonna puke now come watch me!" and when I fist told him I liked to wear he did not understand how that would possible help with my anxiety and stress. I have told him many time that I would accept him no matter what and that I do not want him keeping secrets and I would just like him to feel the same towards me. Do you think that it would be bad to bring it up with him online because that is the only way I can see myself doing it anytime soon. I tried bringing it up yesterday but I just felt sick the entire time but I kept hinting by saying that I need him to accept me as I am if we are ever to go further but I don't think that he got it and would turn it as I don't accept people because I don't like being around lots of people and yet he knows about my anxiety.

    Well I have to head to school now so I don't have time to proof read. Hopefully it made since.

  7. #7


    A short reply (I'll make a bigger one later) regarding the above: I'm not a psychologist or a doctor, but it looks like this is really affecting your mental and physical health. Try to get some helpt, if you really love each other, you need to sort it out. (I know, easier said than done....)


  8. #8


    You are in college, his "psychology friend" is probably about as capable of approaching the topic as any other college student IE, He isn't any more qualified than you are.

    You are experiencing a severe reaction to your anxiety. The fact that you had medication before points to you probably having already been to a psychologist or therapist anyways. No one in mental health cares about your fetishes unless they are negatively impacting your life. If they are, they care more about how and why than the fetish itself. If you went to see a competent mental health professional right now they would probably be a bit surprised by your fetish, then proceed to talk about how you need to deal with your feelings about your relationship, not being into diapers. The only reason it might even come up as an issue is because you brought it up as an issue.

    My point being, your problem here is your relationship. Your fetish might have caused the stress, but everything is going to point back to your relationship. If it helps replace diapers with something more vanilla. Would you feel like he was over reacting if you liked bondage, or being spanked? In a lot of ways it is even less dramatic than that since at this point you haven't even tried to involve him in your play from what I see. He either needs to be able to accept this part of you or you are going to need to break up, because staying with him isn't going to help you. When you break up you also need to understand, and try and make him understand it isn't because of the diapers, it is because his explicit judgment of you causes you distress, and you don't need that in your life.

    It is a no fault breakup. You can't expect him to be ok with it,people choose to be with who they are with for a ton of reasons and if this is a big enough negative than you have to live with that, but you also have to accept that your relationship wasn't as strong as you thought if he can't move past that.You are only 20, you will move on.

  9. #9


    I hate to say this but I thnk there is a easy way to tell if he realy loves you and the dis like of the diapers are comming from his friends.

    On one of those times when things are going hot and heavey between the two fo you, go slip on a diaper and see where it goes from there.

    This could bring a sudden end to your relationship or deepen it, that is the chance you will have to take if you are up to it.

  10. #10


    So i finally talked to him about it even though i did it online because i couldnt seem to do it in person but he said that he is ok with it after trying to explain it to him which is hard to do and that he doesnt want anything to happen to us and kept saying that he loves me no matter what so i guess that it went good. I just wish that i could have done it in person. I feel like when stuff like thit is done in person it is much more personal and means more but now that is is out there i can talk about it with him in person.

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