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Thread: How to tell my girlfriend especially about the wet / messy part...

  1. #1

    Default How to tell my girlfriend especially about the wet / messy part...


    I joined this forum a while ago with the aim of preparing myself to tell my girlfriend that Im a DL. I figure its about time that I tell her, since its very serious between us and weve been together a couple of years now.

    The main issue that I fear in relation to telling her is that it might change her view of me a lot. Part of it is that Im afraid that it will make her think of me as less man-like (Im a DL only, but still), and that the whole diaper-thing would distort our relationship somewhat, as well as our sex life (I know it probably will at least to begin with, I was thinking more long term here).

    Then there is the thing that Im turned on by girls (i.e. my girlfriend) wearing diapers much more so than myself wearing a diaper. Obviously, I wouldnt ask her to do anything that she didnt feel comfortable with, but Im not sure how even the idea of this might affect her especially in relation to us talking about having kids in a couple of years time.

    Another part I fear will really freak her (and really change her view of me) is the fact that I have wet myself in a diaper a lot of times, and also messed myself a couple of times. Maybe its because Im into diapers myself, but I think that if I were in her situation, I would find the part about messing probably the hardest to deal with, more so than the diapers themselves. Even though I really dont know for sure, I actually think that she might know or suspect that I like diapers, based on stuff she has said previously, but either way Im pretty sure she doesnt know about the using them part.

    Im not saying all this to justify to myself that I should not tell her, because I know that I have to, and I am going to. I guess what Im looking for is some kind of input regarding how to tell her, if telling gradually or everything at once is better, etc.

    In particular, if you have some good advice about how to tackle the question so have you used the diapers for their intended purpose?. Part of why I find this particularly hard to deal with is probably also that I find this more difficult to accept myself. I just dont know how to respond if/when she asks me that question. Well, it would be with a yes, because I dont want to lie to her, but I wouldnt really know what to say after that, or how to make it seem less awkward and me less of a freak or know how to explain to her why I have done it, if thats even possible.

    I suppose an answer like this would probably not really help the whole situation along:

    yeah Ive wet myself on a good few occasions, and also tried messing in a diaper a few times. It felt really exciting the first time (well, not the clean-up), then that decreased a bit for the subsequent times, and I got really freaked by it myself once, then only used bananas after that, but I still find the thought appealing if its a girl messing herself. So basically, Id get turned on by you wetting or messing yourself if not for the fact that I know that youd get completely freaked, and would absolutely hate even the slightest thought of it, and for the same reason, Id never ask you to do any such thing. Do I freak you out?

    Of course, I wouldnt say that at all either. I just dont know how to tell her all this without freaking her out.

    Ok, better stop now before this thing gets way too long. Thanks in advance for any input and advice!

  2. #2


    First off, if you're going to have this convo with her, before you even start telling her say something like this (though my wording could likely use some improvements):
    "You know I love you, and as a result I don't want there to be any secrets between us. What I'm about to tell you is very personal and I've never told anyone before (though if that's not true, don't say that bit) I don't want you to view me differently after telling you what I'm about to tell you, because I'm still me and this won't change me at all because it's always been a part of me and has made me what I am today. I just want you to know everything about me because I love you and hate keeping secrets from you. Before I start telling you, I'd like you to know that you can feel free to ask any questions you want about it and I will answer as accurately and honestly as I can to the best of my ability, though it may take me time to think about the answer, articulate myself or to get past the embarrassment of the answer...."

    Hopefully that should slightly allay your fears of her changing her view of you being man-like. As she should know that who you were before you told her is the same as who you are after you told her, only closer to her and more honest.

    Moving on to answer your biggest worry - how to talk about messing. In the speech I wrote out I suggested that you allow her to ask any questions. As a result it may come up. You could start of saying:
    "Yes I have used them for their intended purpose, I have wet them on a few occasions and - promise you won't judge me - messed them a couple of times too. Now I know that sounds horrifically bad, but I must let you know that although at first it was exciting, each time I do it, I find it less so so messing is not really what I enjoy."

    If she then asks you what exactly you like about them, or what kind of things you imagine THEN go into how you "prefer to imagine girls, including your partner in them, though just the thought of asking her to do so, knowing that she would not like the idea completely repulses you from those thoughts, and as a result you would never ask her to do so." or something to that effect. once again, my wording is crass and undeveloped. If you feel as though you could do better then do so.

    This is all the advice I am able to give, as I have never messed myself and as a result never had to tell the person I told that I had or go into things like that. Only you know her well enough to even slightly predict how she may react. I that you print off any related articles you might find useful in preparing or answering on
    Understanding Infantilism
    Although the things on there may not exactly pertain to you (imagining your partner in diapers) there may still be some relevant information.

    Hope this helped, and good luck with telling her, whenever you do decide to do so

  3. #3


    Honesty, Shredder was spot on. Putting a nice fat disclaimer on the front of the conversation sets a nice tone. Letting your partner know that it is difficult to say these words aloud in front of someone you care deeply about is very helpful. It is also good to state that you don't want your lil' play to completely change the dynamic of your physical intimacy, and that you enjoy the vanilla adults aspects of your relationship at the same time.

  4. #4


    Hi again, and thanks both of you for the advice! And thank you, Shredder92, for the link as well! I had visited this page once, but had kinda forgotten about it again. I found some statistics on that page regarding wetting and messing – and loads of other stuff, quite interesting to read these surveys in general!

    Anyhow, out of the approximately 1750 respondents, only 2% had answered “No” to the question “Do you enjoy wetting (urinating in) diapers?”, and only 28% had answered “No” to the question “Do you enjoy messing (defecating in) diapers?” (other options being “yes”, “sometimes”, and “rarely” in both cases). That was really interesting for me to discover! Likewise, the fact that 83% said that they enjoyed wetting themselves in diapers, and another 11% said that they enjoyed it sometimes was quite interesting to find out.

    It seems that wanting to try to use the diaper (and actually using it) is the norm really – that it’s kind of a part of being into diapers. I don’t feel so awkward that I have tried messing then, when roughly 3 out of 4 people in this survey do it or have done it (possibly even more, depending on how people interpreted the “do you enjoy” part of the question).

    I don’t know why I write this – if I’m trying to justify something to myself or what – but at least this makes it easier for me to accept it, and thereby also easier to tell my girlfriend (if or) when that question arises. And I know that it might not make a difference to her that practically everybody have wet themselves, and that 3 out of 4 people have messed as well, but still… I don’t know… I think that my “attitude” towards it with either embarrassment or self acceptance might actually play a role in how difficult or “less difficult” it will be for her to accept or deal with.

    And I agree that some sort of “disclaimer intro” would be needed – not to make excuses as to why I am a DL (it’s not like it’s something we choose anyway), but definitely to acknowledge that it might be really difficult for her to have to come to terms with, but that I’m still “the same me” like you both said.

    I have set a date for telling her – the first weekend of November (no plans all weekend). I definitely think we will be “ok” afterwards, but it’s still very scary having to tell it to someone for the first time really.

    Anyhow, thanks again!

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