So, I met this girl in my fraternal club for people with Asperger's and autism back in the fall of 2009. She seemed pretty cool, and I enjoyed hanging out with her both inside the club and outside, and I started to be affectionate towards her. When I first met her, I was already in a relationship with a dear friend of mine, who also happens to be my hair stylist. We only dated for three months, and then when she broke up with me, that further accelerated my affection for the girl at the fraternal club, as she had consoled me following the break-up. As the year progressed, we started becoming closer and more flirtatious. Finally, on December 26 of last year, we confessed our feelings for each other.
While to me it was nothing more than finding out we had an interest in each other, to her it was the start of a new life; she had found her Prince Charming. I attempted to make it perfectly clear to her that I had no intention to marry or become life partners in any way, shape or form. However, she offered the opportunity to become hand-fasted, for it would not be legally binding, a notion which I rebuke and clearly express my aversion to.
Now, I've been seeing her for 8 months now, and my parents strongly disapprove, due to the fact that she lives in a group home (she needs staff most of the day, certain unrevealed medications, and cannot have visitors after 11, which puts a damper in spending time together), and she is 10 years older than me. She is obviously developmentally disabled; just recently have I started to see it manifest itself. She is totally engrossed in me and developing fantasies of romance, while she's done nothing to build the intimacy. When talking to my friends, she talks only about sports and myself (I know this is an autistic trait, for I experience it too). Her outlook on the world is entirely egocentric; she has an expectation that I have heard about things she talks about. (I'm sure we all do to some extent or another) Reportedly, she tells me she'll never be able to have more than a part-time job. To some it may sound shallow, but I don't seek serious relationships with women who aren't career-focused. She'll never be able to live up to my expectations; I may very well end up having to take care of her in the long run.
Don't get me wrong, I like this girl, but given her limitations, I cannot possibly foresee marriage or lifelong commitment as a reality. I plan on moving from my home to another city in 5 years, and I told her that it's going to be over after that; whatever the future holds for me, she won't be a part of it. This matter it has made me emotionally torn, because know that we do not see eye to eye on what we want to get out of this, and when she asks my sentiments, I'm often forced to evade giving her an answer, because until very recently, I haven't known what to say. Unless she can accept the fact that our relationship is not going to have any permanence, I cannot continue to date her. It's been quite painful, for I had wished for things to be more ideal for me.
Lately, I've been seeing other people because I know that I have to break it off soon. I obviously need to let her down, easy, but I don't know how/when.