I can remember when I was really young maybe 3 or 4. I would have to still wear diapers sometimes. I can vaguely remember my mom spanking me and putting a diaper on me. As I got older I would wet the bed a lot maybe untill 10 years old. But I was never made to wear a diaper for that, but do remember I wasnt allowed to have anything to drink for a couple hours before bed. The only action taken about my bedwetting was plastic covering the mattress.
I remember even when I was at a young age 3 or 4 I would have some type of enjoyment of being made to wear a diaper. I can remember a couple traumatic events from that young age. One being I was a my grandmothers and pooped my pants and of course there was a bunch of family there, and I remember my grandma telling my mom she needs to put a diaper on me. So my mother did and made sure I was good and embarrassed before we left. I also vaguely remember being babysat by an aunt and I pooped myself and she made me wear a diaper. It was embarrassing because there were other people there.[older cousins]. And not only for these types of crimes would I be paddled, but for any other serious offenses as well. I remember the paddlings would be severe.
Any way as time went on I would still poop my pants on occassion. I dont know why I would but would say it was some type of mental disorder. I always was afraid to use the toilet because I felt exposed and like someone would be watching me. So I went in my pants. Maybe these feelings resulted from my younger years when after I pooped my pants my mom would make me set on the toilet until I pooped again and many times she would be standing there watching me, while giving me a good talking to. I really dont know and I am not blaming her but for some reason I was literally unable to use a toilet most of the time.
So anyway the pooping pants went on and my mom would always yell at me for doing it and have long questioning sessions about what was wrong with me and I always told her nothing is wrong I dont know why I do it. She then said she thought it was because I was being lazy or wanted attention, but it was actually my fear of being seen pooping.
At 10 years old is when the diaper talk really started. My mom would find soiled underware when doing laundry[ most of the time I hide them under my bed and when she would be in there to get other dirty clothes, she would find them from the terrible smell. At that point she said she had finally had enough and wasnt going to tolerate it anymore. Also everytime dirty underwear was found and mom would be drinking she would sit there and tell me that I would be getting diapers and I would wear them everywhere and she would tell me of all the ways I would be humiliated, like wearing them to school, making me go out in the yard in nothing but a diaper and t shirt, and how she was going to tell everyone and maybe even put on a local sign that I wear diapers. Well at the time of these conversations I was horrified, I thought she was going to go through with it. But always on the next day after she sobered up she would give me one more chance after much begging and pleading from me. These scenarios occurred often.
So of course not long after getting several chances to stop pooping my pants and not to be punished, I did it again. Went through the same scenario with drunken mom one night and she said she was serious that time. So that night I came home from school to find a large pack of diapers in my bedroom. I was terrified and started to cry. Now I knew she was serious.
After much begging and pleading I think she realized that she had finally got her point across and said ok this is your absolute last chance. I knew it was so I didnt poop my pants again for about 2 years, long after the diapers were thrown out.
At age 12 or 13 I would intentionally poop my pants and put them somewhere easy for mom to find. Why you ask, well at that point it turned into me wanting my mom to make me wear diapers and humiliate me. I know this sounds crazy but thats what was going on in my head. So she would find them now and again and yell at me but never talked about the diapers anymore. So I tried a few attempts at this[whenever I was aroused, not when I was in a regular state of mind] and pretty much no more diaper talk. And I quit pooping my pants and life went on.
Ever since I become of a sexual age that has always been my fantasy, to be spanked, diapered and humiliated. I always thought I would out grow those fantasies but actually I think they get stronger as I get older. When masturbating I fantasize about what it would have been like if mom would have stuck to her threats and made me wear them back in that time of my life. It is weird how at the closet point I came to wearing diapers I was absolutey terrified. And now I think If I could go back I would have pooped again and gotten the punishment.
My fantasies in current mode are sending a pic of myself in a diaper to a woman I know and she if she would humiliate me with it. I know I would be extremely embarrassed if she did send it to everyone but the thought of her having that power over me is a huge arousal for me.